Husband currently in treatment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 4
Husband currently in treatment
Hi all!
My husband has struggled with addiction for about 15 years, since he was 16. When I met him, it was Lortab and a little cocaine. He got clean (Suboxone), but continued drinking thoughout the eight years we've been together. There have been times where the drinking wasn't an issue, and times where it was out of control.
Over a year ago, he told me he was doing cocaine again, but very much minimized it to make me think it was something we could handle on our own.
Of course, the use has not ended.
Everything came to a head 25 days ago and today was his 21st day in inpatient treatment.
I'm working on educating myself more about addiction. Having studied it a good bit in college and been through it with him once before, I thought I knew everything, but that's not the truth.
I'm looking forward to reading through these forums in hopes of being able to relate. I've been keeping a blog-diary, but it's a lonely feeling knowing no one who is in the same situation I'm currently in.
Maybe that will change now
My husband has struggled with addiction for about 15 years, since he was 16. When I met him, it was Lortab and a little cocaine. He got clean (Suboxone), but continued drinking thoughout the eight years we've been together. There have been times where the drinking wasn't an issue, and times where it was out of control.
Over a year ago, he told me he was doing cocaine again, but very much minimized it to make me think it was something we could handle on our own.
Of course, the use has not ended.
Everything came to a head 25 days ago and today was his 21st day in inpatient treatment.
I'm working on educating myself more about addiction. Having studied it a good bit in college and been through it with him once before, I thought I knew everything, but that's not the truth.
I'm looking forward to reading through these forums in hopes of being able to relate. I've been keeping a blog-diary, but it's a lonely feeling knowing no one who is in the same situation I'm currently in.
Maybe that will change now
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hi Breezy,
Welcome to SR! I hope your H take this inpatient opportunity to straighten his course. He sounds like he really hasn't been particularly sober.
The house was seriously peaceful when my H was at rehab. My son and I did a lot of stuff my H never wanted to do during those weeks.
Welcome to SR! I hope your H take this inpatient opportunity to straighten his course. He sounds like he really hasn't been particularly sober.
The house was seriously peaceful when my H was at rehab. My son and I did a lot of stuff my H never wanted to do during those weeks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 4
Thank you, CodeJob. You're absolutely correct. He has not been sober since he was a young teenager. I don't exactly feel like Suboxone/Subutex/Buprenorphine maintenance equates to sobriety. Unfortunately, although they've halved his dosage, they're not able to take him off at this time due to back pain. So there's no telling if I'll ever see him 100% sober, but there's hope.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Long Beach, California
Posts: 69
It can totally feel lonely, for sure. I have many days like that! No one around me really KNOWS what this feels like. That's why I come here.
Is your husband still in rehab? How's he doing? I hope things are going well.
Is your husband still in rehab? How's he doing? I hope things are going well.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1
Mine too & Idk what to do...
My husband of 22 years has been in Rehab 1000 miles away for 4 weeks now. I feel abandoned. I want him to get the help that he desperately needs. I am proud of him and I am supporting him but things were so painful before he left. Now I don't know where I fit into this. I am not included in his program in anyway. Is that normal? To not include his family? Also he and I agreed to 50 days of in patient treatment but I feel as if the facility is already trying to convince him to stay longer. The place has a very bad reputation for doing that if the patient has a good insurance policy. I can't even express my concerns about that because I don't want to seem unsupportive. I don't understand why he would need to stay there for his out patient treatment. Why would they not use the 50 days to help him to have the tools to come home back to his life and continue his program here. He has an amazing support system. He has therapists, meetings, groups and everything here for him to continue. He knows we can move if he feels he needs a different and safer environment for his sobriety. He knows I would support his decision if he needed to quit his job and find a new one for the same reasons. We have two adult children and we all want to be a part of his recovery but none of us want to seem pushy or express our concerns. I am doing my alanon meetings and they have helped. I am also see my own therapist to work on my own issues like codependency. He does not give me much resureance when we talk and he does not open up much in his letters. I try very hard to not seem needy or ask when is he coming home. I don't want to pressure him. I am doing everything here all by myself so that he doesn't have any worries to distract him. I know he needs to focus on himself. I really do understand that but I am scared of the distance between us and the lack of communication. What should I expect? What is ok for me to need from him? I feel like I have taken the back seat to his alcohol and his bad decisions all this time, am I supposed to take the back seat in his recovery too?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by 14350 
My husband of 22 years has been in Rehab 1000 miles away for 4 weeks now. I feel abandoned. I want him to get the help that he desperately needs. I am proud of him and I am supporting him but things were so painful before he left. Now I don't know where I fit into this. I am not included in his program in anyway. Is that normal? To not include his family? Also he and I agreed to 50 days of in patient treatment but I feel as if the facility is already trying to convince him to stay longer. The place has a very bad reputation for doing that if the patient has a good insurance policy. I can't even express my concerns about that because I don't want to seem unsupportive. I don't understand why he would need to stay there for his out patient treatment. Why would they not use the 50 days to help him to have the tools to come home back to his life and continue his program here. He has an amazing support system. He has therapists, meetings, groups and everything here for him to continue. He knows we can move if he feels he needs a different and safer environment for his sobriety. He knows I would support his decision if he needed to quit his job and find a new one for the same reasons. We have two adult children and we all want to be a part of his recovery but none of us want to seem pushy or express our concerns. I am doing my alanon meetings and they have helped. I am also see my own therapist to work on my own issues like codependency. He does not give me much resureance when we talk and he does not open up much in his letters. I try very hard to not seem needy or ask when is he coming home. I don't want to pressure him. I am doing everything here all by myself so that he doesn't have any worries to distract him. I know he needs to focus on himself. I really do understand that but I am scared of the distance between us and the lack of communication. What should I expect? What is ok for me to need from him? I feel like I have taken the back seat to his alcohol and his bad decisions all this time, am I supposed to take the back seat in his recovery too?
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
Well, this is wrong and needs to be changed. The addicts are supported because that's where the insurance money flows - I don't think rehabs care one iota about the families - it's just churn them in and churn them out - there are so many addicts - so much potential revenue.
Some of the rehabs have cursory, fake programs for family - it's all very shallow, just for show, in my opinion.
Some of the rehabs have cursory, fake programs for family - it's all very shallow, just for show, in my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: California
Posts: 11
My wife is 3 weeks into a 30 day inpatient program. I have felt the same as 14350 did in her post. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for several years now. I had an emotional intervention with her and our therapist where I told her the program or a divorce. She went thankfully. I was prepared to divorce, I had met with an attorney and everything. Then all of a sudden she is at the rehab, meetings and support 24/7. I was left by myself with our teenager. I still had to go to work and get everything else done. All with no support. It was tough, I was angry. I made an appointment with our therapist and it helped. It is tough to get to alanon with all of my current responsibilities, so l found SR. What a blessing. I did a lot of reading and it helped so much.
Our program has a family night where the family members participate in a 3 hour program. We are 3 hours away so we could only go once but it was nice to be included and participate.
I am trying hard to focus on me and let her focus on her. I can only help by loving her.
Thank you to everyone that shares in here, it helps me so much!
Our program has a family night where the family members participate in a 3 hour program. We are 3 hours away so we could only go once but it was nice to be included and participate.
I am trying hard to focus on me and let her focus on her. I can only help by loving her.
Thank you to everyone that shares in here, it helps me so much!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 89
834- so your wife became distant during treatment? Is this what I should expect from my husband when he goes? He leaves in 2 weeks and I'm home with our 2 daughters. You can see my first time post about the whole situation if u go through my recent threads.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 15
Went through the same thing.
My husband was gone for 4 months. I was left with 2 teenagers and everything else. Was invited to the rehab once for a session with him and a councelor.
He's been back 3 days and has already started drinking again. I feel so helpless!
My husband was gone for 4 months. I was left with 2 teenagers and everything else. Was invited to the rehab once for a session with him and a councelor.
He's been back 3 days and has already started drinking again. I feel so helpless!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
While this is an old thread, it is an important one as it has to do with how the non-addicts feel.
I can say that i can relate to exactly what the previous posters had said here. I found out my wife was leading a double life.. one of drugs which i was unaware of, and the other with us. Then when she went into rehab, her life was all about the drugs... part of a life I never was involved in. So suddenly I found myself completely excluded from her life... it seemed terribly unfair. We were fortunate that we placed her in a rehab facility only 45 minutes away, and my work is understanding and flexible with taking time off to attend family sessions. The facility has even added extra family sessions because we have serious issues to work thru, and the first were about her filling me in on the missing part of her life...
So, now she is getting ready to go to a transitional living facility which is a little further away; but all the work done at the rehab facility with us both has helped to feel less isolated from eachother. Her recovery is going well, and while we both want her home, we figure a little more time apart to work on ourselves is beneficial.
BTW, for those of you feeling lonely and abandoned, that is your codependancy screaming it... do not listen to it.... take back your own life.
T
I can say that i can relate to exactly what the previous posters had said here. I found out my wife was leading a double life.. one of drugs which i was unaware of, and the other with us. Then when she went into rehab, her life was all about the drugs... part of a life I never was involved in. So suddenly I found myself completely excluded from her life... it seemed terribly unfair. We were fortunate that we placed her in a rehab facility only 45 minutes away, and my work is understanding and flexible with taking time off to attend family sessions. The facility has even added extra family sessions because we have serious issues to work thru, and the first were about her filling me in on the missing part of her life...
So, now she is getting ready to go to a transitional living facility which is a little further away; but all the work done at the rehab facility with us both has helped to feel less isolated from eachother. Her recovery is going well, and while we both want her home, we figure a little more time apart to work on ourselves is beneficial.
BTW, for those of you feeling lonely and abandoned, that is your codependancy screaming it... do not listen to it.... take back your own life.
T
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