Ohme

Hi everyone,
I am beginning my first dry 30 days and today is my day 2. Beyond the 30 days I'm not sure what I'm gonna do but all I know is that I needed a big change in my life but I'm not ready to say that I will never have a drink again. I want to be a person who can have one drink on Christmas or with dinner on a fancy occasion... anyways - I'm not focusing on that now, right now I'm focusing on getting to my 30 without a drink. If I do it will be the first time in 14 years where I have gone more than 3-5 days.
I've posted on here before but wasn't actively trying for a period of time. My life is tunnel visioned around drinking I've realized (not without the support of these forums) and I just want to see what my life will look like without it. I planned this 30 in advance and I have a support system and I've even told my friends which I have never done in the past. (Because they are huge drinkers too). Shockingly, they said they wanted the same for themselves and maybe one day they would try it too.
Anyways, I am going to try to post here often, I know that day 1-3 are easy for me, but days 4-5 are when I always crack because I become very emotional and sad and anxious.
Any advice for the sad anxious days? Now that I kind of know exactly when to expect them? Thank you, this forum is the best!

Nonsensical

Whats your fancy occasion in 30 days?

Alcohol causes the anxiety you're looking to get through. Mine lasted for longer than days 3-5, but eventually it went away altogether. I don't have any real secrets for getting through except finding things to stay busy.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Ohme

Thanks nonsensical, I didn't mean for a fancy occasion coming up I meant far in the future once I've had some space from all of this... so maybe at 30 days, I won't need to because I won't have a fancy occasion... Gotcha

Nonsensical

I used to hope that a respite from drinking would cure my unnatural desire for alcohol. It never did. I hope you have better results than I did.

One thing to consider during your 30-day hiatus: if you find yourself firmly focused on day 31; planning for it, dreaming of it, can't-believe-how-long-its-taking-to-get-here, etc. then your plan of taking a break so alcohol isn't the focus of your life isn't working. You may want to consider adjusting your plan if that is happening.

When all I did was either drink or think about when I could get my next drink I was a slave. I just never knew it until I was free.

biminiblue

Well, if I had one drink, it would not be one drink. What is the point of one drink? Can't get a buzz from one drink, and that's the point of drinking - in my world. Then once I have that buzz, I want to keep it going.

Moderation worked for me for a while. I had many years of sobriety and decided to have "a" drink now and then - you know, for social reasons, everyone is doing it, etc. I was able to moderate for a while. Then I wasn't able to. Then I drank daily for years again. Then I was miserable.

Yeah. Doesn't work for me, I'm so glad to be off that crazy-train.

Ohme

I guess at this stage I just feel like there needs to be an end to no drinking at all? Because I'm afraid if I say forever then I'm just going to be like "That's way too hard forget it".
I don't know what the next 30 days are gonna bring. I really hope some clarity of mind and to clean out the terrible feeling I have when I don't have some drinks at night. I don't want to say it's forever yet but I don't want to keep on going like this.
I hate how hard my friends and I drink when we're together. It's truly embarrassing. But I don't even need them to drink a lot. I can do it alone in front of the tv.

biminiblue

I really didn't see any great benefits in 30 days. My gentle suggestion would be to make that goal a year. In a year, there are huge benefits.

At some point, I had to accept that I was different from a lot of other people. I don't stop at one. 3-12, that's my sweet spot. Really, after three, it's gonna be 12. The only way to be sure I don't hit 12, is to not have one. That leaves abstinence. It's much easier than moderation - by far.

Nonsensical

I'm not afraid to say I'll never drink again. It terrifies the alcoholic living in my head, though.

Ohme

You guys are tough, but sweet. Maybe I need to move the date back a bit more to get more removed from the situation. I don't have anything fancy now until xmas. I don't want to say that I won't drink over Christmas and New Year's right now because I am only on day 2 and that just seems insane at this point and I don't want to make a goal for myself that I won't keep. I will keep it to an open ended 90 so that if I feel like at the end of 90ish days I want to keep going with no drinking I will.
I'm not doing this just so I can go back to drinking how I do now, if I do break it at xmas it will be with 1 drink on each event... just with dinner kinda thing. Anyways, the whole thought of this is making me feel quite a lot more nervous than the 30 was.

biminiblue

I'll bet you came to this site because you had some problems with alcohol.

The way to stop the alcohol problem is to stop drinking alcohol.



Why would you give yourself permission, when you know it's not doing anything positive for you? How did the July 30-day off plan go?

Ohme

It went bad. I went to a wedding and went right back to it on like day 6. I dunno... I really just feel afraid of saying it is forever. I hope that I can do the 90 and then go back to being a normal person I guess who has the 1 and moves on. Or that I can do the 90 and then never want to touch it again because my life changed so much for the better.

biminiblue

I just don't know how much satisfaction you'll ever get out of that plan. That is your addiction talking - and it's got you by the throat.

Have you read the AVRT stuff in Secular Connections? Here's a link...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

I hope you find a way to accept the solution that is available. Good luck

Ohme

I guess maybe then I shouldn't set an end date and keep it open ended? I feel like I'm going to miss so much (but that is the addiction talking I guess). It feels like if I give up drinking for good then that actually means I am an alcoholic and not just someone who needs to take a little break. That is some pretty twisted logic right there! Thanks for the link - I feel like that my AV is pretty much my entire brain right now. And thank you for taking the time to keep talking to me.

Nonsensical

The addiction manipulates us through emotion. Fear of sobriety is one of its hallmarks. I had it in spades.

There's no arguing with Bimini's logic: The way to stop the alcohol problem is to stop drinking alcohol.
There's no sound argument to counter that, but it makes you FEEL afraid. At two days it's probably near panic. Is the voice in your head saying, Get away from these lunatics! Logging onto this site was a horrible idea! Go get a drink now! Mine sure was.

I found this little trick helpful when I was feeling afraid by the thought of not drinking ever again. Get out a piece of paper and pen. Write down the 5 worst things that will happen to you as a direct result of never drinking again. Doing that little exercise would take my brain out of the grip of fear and put it back on the logical path where I was thinking instead of feeling.

The other thing I have to offer is this: My life is significantly better without alcohol. Not drinking has been a very small price to pay for all of the benefits I am receiving. I make the analogy of winning the lottery. Nobody is ever going to give back their $1 million of lottery winnings because they can't get over the regret of paying the $1 for the ticket.

I am free of the destruction alcohol was doing to my life, and all I had to do was quit drinking. So easy. I can't believe how long I resisted it.

You Can Do This.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 2

ccam1973

Congrats on day 2 Ohme. You're probably going to get a lot of feedback on your plan.

I had the same "open ended" plan back in 2013. I didn't want to think I couldn't ever drink again either. I always told myself that I had the option of drinking again if I wanted. I lasted 9 months then took the option of drinking. Worst mistake I could have made. I spent the better part of the next year drinking 24/7.

With that being said, however, I did make it 9 months without drinking. That laid a foundation for where I am at today with 15 months. I might not have even tried quitting if I had to tell myself that I could never drink again.

I think you will find that if you have a problem with alcohol, your life will be much better and happier without drinking, period.

However you decide to tackle this, it is your fight. Do what makes sense to you to not drink today. Tomorrow will take care of itself if you don't drink today.

Well done on day 2!

PurpleKnight

Great job on Day 2!!

Keep things simple, 1 day at a time if needs be, but Day 1 can be the same as Day 10 or Day 20, the same routine, keep close to your support resources and make it to bedtime, that's all there is to it in the beginning!!

You can do this!!

entropy1964

I remember the first time I got sober, like 11 years ago, I made a goal of 1year. I decided to attend AA as my support and I told peole this. I thought it made perfect sense....they all looked at me like I was nuts...I didn't get it back then. I made it 9 months. Then another 8 years of quitting, relapsing, quitting etc. I actually had a lot of dry time....but the benders in between the months dry got worse and worse. Then I quit for 2 years. I liked to say I was 'recovered'. Oops, not so much. Now, after 11 years, I finally 'get' one day at a time. Yesterday is gone, done and dusted. Tomorrow isn't even here, doesn't exist. Today is it. I believe that goal setting, and this is just me, is future tripping and living in the results...its also a huge expectation. All mind sets that trip me out completely. So I try to stay in the moment. Today, I won't drink over anything.

Do whatever works for you....just remember this moment.....good luck and keep posting about your experience.

thomas11

hi Ohme, I don't see a problem with setting a short term goal, or at least one that you know is achievable. If you are sure that "forever ain't gonna happen", then 30 days is a good start. Then maybe you can re evaluate and go for 90, then re evaluate again. What I see in your post is that you want to stop drinking or moderate but you haven't suffered any real consequences...yet (or at least that you've admitted in your OP). Often times serious consequences are what get people to stop. We're all different. The one thing I would agree with others on is the 1 drink thing. For a drinker, one drink is a waste of time. I'd rather drink something tasty. If I'm gonna pour gasoline down my throat its because I want the temporary escape. I am far from perfect, but I never have a glass of wine at Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I stopped going out on New Years altogether years ago.

Rar

[QUOTE=biminiblue;5586326]Well, if I had one drink, it would not be one drink. What is the point of one drink? Can't get a buzz from one drink, and that's the point of drinking - in my world. Then once I have that buzz, I want to keep it going.



+1 Me too.