InTheEnd

yep, I've got 'em! Now at day 56 sober, my mind looks to the future. I had none of that while drinking, days would come and go and actually years passed, and I was sitting in the same mental, drunk space in my mind I had been 10 years before.

Now, I'm good, don't get me wrong. I enjoy sober. I'm eating well, working out like a banshee and feeling wonderful. But there has been something missing, and I couldn't quite figure it out until now.

I'm find myself yearning for a future. It's like I'm 20 again and that feeling of endless possibilities is back. That there is actually something to live for. Taking each day and living it sober is working wonders, but maybe I'm ready for more?

My main (and possibly only) reason for living when I was drinking was for my daughter. Thats a good one, but this is different. I'm wanting to live for me too now.

I don't want to rush things or expect too much. I don't want any huge disappointments in my life right now if I can help it. Sober is my future and I want to protect that at all costs, but.....

am I ready? I'd like to date again (been a long time and amazingly enough, I didn't meet anyone drinking in my house night after night)!

I'm awfully scared of dating. When I did, ALWAYS had a glass of wine or two before the date to make myself "interesting". And not that I'm looking to date drinkers, but seems this will be an issue when I do. They'll inevitably order a bottle of wine. And will the pressure of the date trigger the AV?

If I do date in the near future, I feel that I should be up front before that 1st date about not drinking. I don't want misconceptions. I don't want them to believe that I can have just one. I almost want them to know the full truth right from the get go.

I don't want to waste anymore time pretending to be someone I'm not. Is it too early in my sobriety? I'd rather be alone for a while and sober, then risk it.

Dee74

I think absolutely there's a phase two - chasing dreams and fulfilling potential
I hesitate to add new relationships tho at this early point.

I don't know about you but my relationships pre-recovery were always about someone else 'completing' me.

That was always a break up waiting to happen.

What I learned in recovery was to have a relationship with myself - find out who I was, find out what I wanted and to chase up a few of those dreams I had.

I found I was eminently capable of completing myself...and that's made all the difference with my post recovery relationships.

So yeah - think about it. Datings often difficult at the best of times.

Take it slow, and explore the new sober you and what you want (and what you need) - that's my advice InTheEnd.

A little alone time was the best thing I could have done for myself

D

Mountainmanbob

My sponsor shared this one with me in early sobriety.
Actually it had also been on my mind and heart for many years.

Main goal --
To be sober when I meet my maker.


InTheEnd -- you stated that
"I'd rather be alone for a while and sober, then risk it."
That is good solid, sober thinking there.
Adding any type of stress in early sobriety should be unwanted.
There will be plenty of time in which to find the right one -- the one just for the sober you.

MB

InTheEnd

Makes sense D. I still have quite a way to go on this sober journey so I think I'll wait.

I'm just thankful to know my mind still has interest in a future at this point, so I'll carry that with me for now!

Thanks MMB for the reply! Yes, I would def rather be sober than risk anything at this point. I never want to go back "there".

Dee74

watching the future unfold is pretty special


D

JD

Hello intheEnd, this is my first post on SR but your post resonated with me. This is my 21st day sober but it's not my first rodeo. I was 9 months sober after I had a marriage fall apart and thought it would be a good time to date again. Unfortunately I wasn't ready to really admit I had a problem and that I can't drink like a normal person. Of course dates can lead to dinner and a glass of wine or a beer. Sure, the first couple of times I could have one or two, but that didn't last long. Fast forward 10 years.

So as dee said, now is probably not the best time to start dating. Take care of yourself and really get comfortable and at peace with the fact that you'll never be able to drink like a normal person. Also get really comfortable being able to tell a relative stranger that you don't drink. It's so easy to slip back into your old ways and time can pass you by.

mecanix

I started dating after 18 months at 5 or 6 weeks i was still emotionally all over the place , although that place was better than actively drinking .

Would you council your best friend , sister, brother, mother your daughter when she's 18 to start a relationship with someone who is 56 days sober ?

Keep on with sobriety why not make some sober friends ?.. the other stuff will come along naturally , as a sober alcoholic it's no longer my job to plan the future . To plan having a boyfriend or girlfriend before i have any friends .

keep on ,

m

Fly N Buy

Pushing two months is awesome! Good job!

When I quit my mind was all over the place. I didn't know what I liked or who - I couldn't decide if I favored chicken or steak for dinner. I simply had no idea who I was.........

I learned to do one thing perfectly at first - don't drink. If I could do that and live each day letting today's possibilities unfold over several months my brain started to clear and things became more acute. My reasoning more sound.

The feeling of rebirth is what you describe - it is truly amazing!! I refer to it as an awakening as I was asleep, I had to know however it was what I did when I was down in the valley - when that feeling wasn't there any particular day - that I must keep working.

We now have a future, yes! One filled with love and care for ourselves and others. Happy, joyous and free~

Thanks for the post

InTheEnd

Wow, thanks all and @mecanix, your statement, "Would you council your best friend , sister, brother, mother your daughter when she's 18 to start a relationship with someone who is 56 days sober ?" That would be an absolute NO! Great way to put it and totally resonates with me. Thank you!

entropy1964

Hi IntheEnd
I know what you mean about wanting more. I want that when I'm drinking too....a 'meaning' a 'purpose'...something beyond my daughter. Drinking helps me drown out the life that I feel has had little purpose. I've finally jumped into volunteering...well I'm actually still interviewing, but I hope some stuff will start next week.

I can only share my experience with you. I waited almost a year last time to start dating. I thought I was ready. I wasn't. I was sober for almost a year more in the relationship but then I started to crack. Now I did pretty much everything wrong. I told him I didn't drink. But I was not BRUTALLY honest as to why. I also realized that I had not really 'become' me yet. I hadn't been in the incubator long enough. I struggle with codependence as well....thought that was all done and dusted....it wasn't, at all. So I completely lost myself. Now this is just me. I've only been dry since June 12....I have no idea how long it will take for me to be ready to date again, maybe never. I just caution you to go VERRRYYYY slowly. I know many say here that your condition is no one else's business. I agree and I disagree. I think dating is different. Not only do I need to be honest, to keep myself on track, but that person has a right to know that I'm an alcoholic...pure and simple. I've spent a lot of time trying to see the other persons side....as painful as it is, many, many alcoholics relapse. Anyway, I just feel kind of strongly about that. And my guess is, normies will too.

Take care of you and your recovery. 56 days, while an awesome achievement, is very early days. You're still a tiny embrio

PurpleKnight

Day 56 is fantastic!!

Take things slow though, Rome wasn't built in a day, you've got the rest of your life to rebuild, there's plenty of time!!

Soberwolf

Just want to say congrats

Dee74

welcome aboard jd1639

D