blueberry2015

A small confession to make.... Over the last few days ive been drinking non alcoholic wine. Now here is my experience of this. I thought id try it a few weeks back so I did. I was fine, I enjoyed it. Didnt have another bottle for weeks, thought I could save that for special occassions blah blah. Thursday night after a hugely stressful week I said to the husband get me the NA wine... The red one... He got me two bottles..... Then Friday night with our take away I said get me a bottle of NA wine the white he came back with two bottles, I found the first bottle gone before id finished my meal and opened the second drank half of that..... Yesterday morning around 11ish I finished it off..... I started to feel buzzy.... I then asked him to get me another two bottles of NA Wine in the early evening, I finished them both and opened the fridge and instintctively reached for a beer.... I put it down, and drank coke for the rest of the evening. Ive woken up this morning craving........

Ive seen the red flags..... Its bloody scary tbh, how quick I would down it, the wanting more and more if it. Who the hell am I trying to kid that I can be ok on NA wine?! Relapse scares me, thankfully I can see this is potentially a slippery slope for me.

Do I reset my sobriety counter? No, I dont think I will. I prefer to see these 73 days as a journey. This is my first proper crack on sobriety and I shall put this down to a lesson learnt. Im staying well clear from now on. If anything this has shown me.... It says Yes blueberry you ARE an alcoholic. Jesus, its crafty and deceiving and catches you out slowly.... Well it will If I let it.

So heres to today, another day on my journey.

letitgo

Its up to you. I dont think you need to reset your counter.
The days are important but are trumped by the behind the scenes action.

What matters is why do you still feel the need for NA wine? You need to check your toolbox. Maybe some sparkling water before NA wine next time. What in your life leads you to belief NA wine is improving your life? What benefits are you reaping? Are you still missing thr drinking motions? You done so well for 73 days. Stick to the gameplan.

The answer lies within young skywalker o am rooting for ya

blueberry2015

You know... I initially said I felt like ive cheated, thats a negative thought. I should reword that really to a "a lesson learnt"

blueberry2015

Ive identified it, the biggest number one cause of my drinking. Stress. Oh and that stupid AV thats says I will be ok! Erm no I wont be ok, its dangerous.

blueberry2015

Havent been to AA for a while, Im going to go this evening.

BringingBackB

Doesn't non alcoholic wine still contain alcohol? It just needs t be under 0.5 %? If that is correct, then at 2 bottles in, you may be feeling tipsy!

Personally, I have no interest in NA drinks. I have a sneaky suspicion it would bring back all the emotions I associate with drinking. I've also begun that realise I didn't like the taste. I thought to myself, 'is it really tasty? It's not exactly as tasty as a coke is it?!'

It's up to you if you feel you cheated (I don't think you did btw - I think it's you exploring'. But as letitgo said, there's a reason why you're feeling the need to consume NA wine...

blueberry2015

Aye it does, 0.5% .... oh BB, thanks for saying Ive not cheated but explored. Feel the AV is laughing at me at the moment.... Im trying to kick its butt by not allowing guilt to kick in. I will say this again (for my purpose lol) its a journey, its self discovery. Negative thoughts and alcoholics go hand in hand. Maybe now is the time I get on the 12 steps and get a sponsor, I think I can handle this on my own, but I cant. Its an addiction and my experience with the so called NA wine has shown me that actually I AM powerless to alcohol.

Time to totally surrender. I refuse to beat myself up, my AV can laugh at me all it wants but Ive done amazingly well, could of been 100 times worse and woken up with a hangover this morning after drinking 20 units of wine the night before. I explored it, its signalling huge red flags. Time to get on the programme.

sleepie

Uh, yeah!

I think you should dump out all the rest and don't replace it under any circumstances.

Now I know you understand on a level that calling it exploring or whatever else you like it's playing with fire. Just please walk away and don't look back and most importantly don't do it again! It's unfortunate but there isn't any choice but to handle the hard week, and life difficulties without an alcoholic crutch of any kind. You have come so far blueberry, I and many here just want better for you- I am sure that you can do this. Just put thoughts of resetting the timer and counting days and all away for now, and get as far away from this as possible, you will be better for it in the end

fantail

I'd call it a close shave and not go down that road again. I still drink Kombucha, which has a similar trace amount of alcohol. But I've had no trouble there. I've maybe had it once since I quit.

On the other hand last spring I had a couple weeks and then found myself taking double doses of over the counter sleep medication, then ultimately buying a bottle of wine... checked out the sleep medication only after the fact and discovered it was 13% alcohol, so I'd essentially been taking shots of wine (alcohol content-wise, that is).

Rar

Last year (before my relapse), I drank NA beer for a bit, actually only had about 2 six packs over a few months. I think I even drank it at a social occasion. I hated the taste, but drank it anyway. For whatever reason, psychologically I needed/wanted a beer.

endlesspatience

You know about the steps and you know about AA and you know about sponsorship but you haven't been for a while. Let's for a moment leave aside any discussion about sobriety counters and non alcoholic drinks, which are not mentioned in the Big Book or any AA literature I have read.

What is preventing you from going to meetings at the moment and what new things are you planning to do to stay sober?

I'm not saying it's AA or nothing but you raised the subject so let's see if we can help you make some progress towards getting back into the rooms and using AA's support.

sugarbear1

NA drinks can spark the kindling effect in me, I try to stay away from them.

Get on up and out the door, sobriety is action!!

Berrybean

I occasionally have alcohol free (0.0%) beer, but then I never used beer or lager when I was drinking. I've ordered it when I'd got sick of the sweeter options and tea or coffee aren't a possibility, or when I can't be arsed with all the 'why aren't you drinking' questions. I think if I discovered an alcohol free supplier of whisky, gin or cider, then I'd definitely have to steer well clear or them as they'd likely start off a craving.

dwtbd

blueberry2015
Great job identifying the negatives and then following through with a giant dose of positivity!
No need to rattle the AV's cage, just keep kicking its butt, way to go!

Mountainmanbob

Back in like 1992 when I was sober.
I was pounding down the NA beers.
Then one day my beer label had Budweiser on it.
It was almost as if I didn't know when the switch had occurred.
MB

entropy1964

I'm no pro with this stuff, but I've heard that diet soda can do a similar thing. Because it tastes sweet, the brain's pleasure centers still light up as if it is sugar. This can stimulate appetite, causing a person to over indulge in sweet foods. So they say diet soda can be almost as bad as regular soda. Interesting stuff. (BTW I'm sure I don't have that exactly right, but that's the basic jist).

blueberry2015

I find AA painful....it brings back erm.... memories of me. I hate that feeling of pain and hurt, hence why Im an alcoholic as I blocked such emotions out. Also I felt I was handling it ok by myself.... im fooling myself, im not. I just got to learn how to process emotional pain and stress without a drink rather than avoid it I guess.

blueberry2015

I should mention Ive been diagnosed with ptsd, avoidance is what we do best.....

alphaomega

Same thing happened to me with non alcoholic wine.

I think our brains light up with just even the similarity and familiar taste of the knock off version.

I had a single glass and fought serious cravings again for two whole days.

Berrybean

'Just'?? Sounds like a tall order all alone to me. Good luck. Do you have any counselling service or suchlike available to you?

Initially AA meetings were painful for me, as I heard things that reminded me of what I've been through. But as I listened, there was some relief in knowing that it wasn't just me, and I also started to learn from others about how to move on from that place of pain. And later, once my own step work kicked in, then I really started to build up my sobriety toolbox so that now I know how to deal with emotional pain and stress. I know that personally I couldn't have reached this level of recovery alone, and although it wasn't always easy, it was definitely, definitely worth it. Sobriety without recovery is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I hope you find something that helps you soon