enoughsenough

I already feel like a failure I've posted a few times but I'm struggling with getting it clear in my head why I can't control it... why I can't just have a few.... why I can't have wine instead of bacardi and coke..... I feel so lost and im not gonna lie.... real lonely too

Mark1014

I don't know the answer to 'why?' I can't control it either, but I can stop it and I did. You can too. You're not at all alone in how you feel right now. I remember how you feel. Earlier on I went on blind faith of what others here told me that I could get past it. You can too....it does get better!

thomas11

hi enoughisenough, you are not alone, that is for certain. If you can somehow find it within yourself to quit drinking, that feeling of failure will go away with time. Seriously, give it everything you have and try doing it, you might amaze yourself.

fini

i don't know why i can't control it, either.
but knowing that i can't is what i need to know.

once i accepted that, the consequence was obvious.

MariahGayle

No need to be sorry enough, your not alone in this...start again...take advantGe of all the support out there that is available...you can do this

Dee74

I think most of us have struggled with this.
I certainly did.

For twenty years I asked why I couldn't drink like other people or why I couldn't learn to...in the end I just had to accept the way things were.

I could be who I wanted to be, with a life I aspired too..or I could drink, but not both.

In a way I'm glad because my life now, and the peace and happiness I have, knocks my old drinking life out of the park.

I know it's scary but I guarantee you will find the same kind of improvement too - not instantly but eventually.

It's a leap of faith - but why not take it, enoughisenough?

keeppushing

I think the standard answer to not being able to control it is that your inhibitions go down with drinking, so you automatically have less control.

You might be lost because you are actions are incongruent with your goals.

You might be lonely because you learned to connect to alcohol and forgot to humans.

If you agree with these then the answers might be:

Control: As Mark says, the answer it full abstinence.

Lost: Dig deep to understand your authentic values and goals and execute a plan to achieve them.

Lonely: Slowly build up your connection skills, like posting on SR forums regularly.

Or you could decide not to reinvent the wheel and try AA, SMART, RR, etc.

I wish you the best of luck, and stay in the forums, there are a lot of great people here who will offer support.

KP

LBrain

For me it was all or none.

I choose none. And I'm believe for most if not all of 'us' none is the only answer.

PurpleKnight

You're not a failure for not being able to consume something, does someone who has a nut allergy beat themselves up for not being able to eat nuts? or someone who is allergic to diary think themselves as a failure?

The reality is alcohol doesn't agree with some people, some can control it and some can't, but there is neither success or failure in that, that's just the way it is, but it's important to realise and accept which side of the fence we fall and move forward accordingly.

For me permanently giving up alcohol was my way forward, and in some ways when I knew the path I had to follow, it gave me some certainty and relief that I knew where I was going in life, for years I tried to control my drinking, and it lead to much misery, and at times a false sense of achievement, back and forward, back and forward I would go.

But you're not alone, SR is full of people who understand!!

teatreeoil007

First of all...you're not a failure! Second of all, embrace the struggle. It's a worthy one. Thirdly...it's okay to feel lost. Fourth-honesty is refreshing and appealing and good for your soul. You'll be alright and will figure it out. Just keep being honest and true to yourself. Be good to yourself! Keep asking for help.

Mags1

Hi enoughsenough, don't apologise, we all know what you're going through.

It took me a while to accept that I couldn't drink like others, just social and know when to stop.

Once I had said I'm not drinking anymore the rest was recovery. I came here to SR and read others experiences and it was good to know I wasn't alone in this. There are some great people from all walks of life who have helped me on my recovery.

I hope you can stick around for a while.

Carver

I know why I can't. Because I'm an alcoholic.

It's hard, but if you can stop trying to figure out WHY, and just accept that you CAN'T, then things will get a lot easier.

I know, I made it sound easier than it is. But if you want this madness to stop, you have to fight it with all your strength.

We all know how it feels, and we're here to support you

totfit

Oh, I don't even have to go down the path and say, "cause I am alcoholic" or what not. The fact is that I can't change brain and body chemistry. No matter what, alcohol is going to affect me differently than others. The introduction causes craving, which causes disasters. Pure chemistry, I can't change. So, I do other things instead of drink alcohol. If that is the biggest limitation in my life I should feel blessed not saddened. That is minor stuff. Think about it.