Payne

My cousin has broken through from denial to understanding she is the product of a highly dysfunctional childhood. As someone who has dealt with a lot of the steps shes coming up on I'm concerned. I always had a strong and solid base of keeping going to be there for the people I loved. She doens't have that. I can see in her eyes its all too much. She is seeing a counselor and we keep a very open setup where she can be as comfortable talking as being silent. I listen more than I talk but I also don't hide my journey. I feel pretty confident I'm mostly taking the right steps, it's her life and I can't force her to heal, she needs to find her reason to fight for it and I can't give her that, I'm not concerned that I'm taking on too much, I'm in a good place. But man the ACOA in me is having a hell of a time not worrying, has anyone been in this situation where you know the highlights of the road someone you love has to take and you are trying to find the best way to be their friend through it, keeping boundaries, balancing commiserating and giving hope, I need some encouragement that I'm down the right road.

happybeingme

Oh man. That is tough. I don't have that specific experience but I have come to recognize when I am dealing with a highly emotional situation I must make sure to take frequent breaks from the situation. Recharge, disconnect. Whatever. But, my emotional and physical well being is paramount to me to be effective in helping someone else.

Take care of you and find your own outlet to release the emotional build-up you may have from helping her

thotful

My niece seems to be going down a path for healing. She's attending counseling and getting medication for anxiety/depression. When I talk to her about my recovery, she's very open and honest about things.

I've made a few suggestions to try AL-Anon (she was raised by my parents - although my father stopped drinking hard liquor, he was still drinking beer - he seemed better, but still sick). I've left it at that.

I can't tell another person exactly what they should do. I don't know what's exactly best...and even if I did, it's not my job to direct her through it. I am just trying to do for her what I wish I had while I was in recovery. No judgment. Listening ear. No telling me what I should do. Providing support, kindness, and love.

I'm not in control of her life, and when I see her struggle, I want to rescue and I'm trying to respect her own process. That I can let go and leave her life up to her own higher power. It's hard though! Because I'd love to orchestrate healing for her. But I'm not her higher power. I'm just someone that can share experience, strength, and hope if she asks for it.

Kialua

Well that's one I have never dealt with, since no one in my family has had any epiphanies about alcoholism et al. I would guess just be there for them and share what has helped you when and if you can.

PurpleKnight

It sounds like your pretty switched on as to the situation.

My sister is a great example who hasn't taken many steps to dealing with my dad being alcoholic, whereas I jumped straight into things like Al-anon, SR etc.

All you can do is be there and suggest the resources that are out there, and then it's up to the person to decide to use them or not, and maybe sometimes they might have questions and if they know you're approachable and willing to answer them then that's a valuable thing too!!

Payne

I figure the best I can do is give her a safe place to talk especially since so many of the feelings and thoughts during this can feel crazy. Things have been going well but I do find myself a little antsy after those chats, then usually the fiancee and I crawl into bed and we talk about everything, I feel like this is it's own interesting step on my own recovery. Assuring that I listen without trying to fix her. Understanding that I can't know everything, and how to love without being taken over. Reliving my past in a more detached way has been its own struggle and success.