Need Advice for Younger Brother whos been clean 9 months
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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Need Advice for Younger Brother whos been clean 9 months
Hey guys. I'm new here. For the past hour I've been reading stories here in tears. Addiction sucks. I've seen it change my family and I never could imagine it.
Quick back story. I'll be 28 this month. My little brother is now 24. He's been in rehab I believe twice. It started back in high school with pot, then oxycodone. He quickly realized what a problem this could become, told me mother he'd been doing these "roxys" for 2 months, went to a rehab, and hasn't touched them since. That's been well over 5 years now Thank God. He went to college and tried coke. I'm not angel, we used to do it together. One day I looked at him and I said "its been a fun summer, we can stop now, or ruin our lives. Lets stop". I stopped, he didn't. It messed with him as you'd may assume. He was a totally different person and the doctor said when he took drugs such as pot or coke, he would have manic episodes. I pray to whatever God you all believe in that you never have to experience that. He's always been shy, so I guess the coke made him feel...not so shy
Fast forward. He went to a rehab out of state, he's been clean, but more importantly he wants to be clean. He saw how our very close family was torn and hurt. He doesn't want that. He's been clean off anything, booze, pot, coke, totally sober for 9 months now. He's doing great. Luckily he never got into any trouble with the law, he has a good job, but the problem is he gave up a lot of his friends.
I'm 28 this month. He's my little brother. Yesterday he said "you know, I'm going to be 9 months sober this Monday". I was like dude, that is awesome! But then he told me its hard for him lately. I asked how so? In terms of drinking? smoking? (he was never a big drinker, always liked to smoke though). He said," just in general, I still think about cocaine". So I started to worry, but I didn't freak out or anything. I asked him if he'd do it again (coke), he said no. I said "just remember, it messed you up bud, you are doing good right now". I don't know if that was the right or wrong thing to say but he didn't get mad or anything. But I got some vibes that he was slipping possibly and needed some helo
I am the worst at dealing with this because I don't fully understand addiction. My brother and I are both living at home with mom and dad. Mom goes to her own support meetings every week and now helps out other parents who've delt with this. She is so strong and good with this. I've turned into a scared loner sometimes because of this. I never talk about it and when I do I just get very angry and upset and normally end up crying. I don't know how to talk to people who aren't in this situation. This is my little brother, I'd kill for it to be me over him.
So, talking to my gf (who lost her bf to heroin at the age of 27), she told me this his him letting me know its a hard patch right now and this is his way for reaching for some help. I believe it. I told my Mom about the conversation I had with my brother and I just felt her mood shift to worry. She works so hard with everything and shes damn near broke from this but manages not to show it or act it. Shes strong, very strong. I'm scared. I don't want to see another relapse with my brother because he becomes a different person and I'm just so bad at dealing with this.
My question is, what do I do now? How can I talk to my brother in a non confrontational and comforting way to figure out how I can help? The problem is I still go out with friends and I do drink, but he never sees me drunk or anything. Whenever he tells me stories, they are normally old glory day stories with drugs involved. Not all the time but its something I notice. I don't want to see him relapse, I feel like he's reaching out to me for help and I don't know how to handle it because I deal with this poorly. What are some tips you all can give me?
PS- Sorry for the rambling. Never opened up about this to anyone before besides my GF and Mom
---ALSO just noticed I may have posted this in the wrong forum and if that is the case I am very sorry.
Quick back story. I'll be 28 this month. My little brother is now 24. He's been in rehab I believe twice. It started back in high school with pot, then oxycodone. He quickly realized what a problem this could become, told me mother he'd been doing these "roxys" for 2 months, went to a rehab, and hasn't touched them since. That's been well over 5 years now Thank God. He went to college and tried coke. I'm not angel, we used to do it together. One day I looked at him and I said "its been a fun summer, we can stop now, or ruin our lives. Lets stop". I stopped, he didn't. It messed with him as you'd may assume. He was a totally different person and the doctor said when he took drugs such as pot or coke, he would have manic episodes. I pray to whatever God you all believe in that you never have to experience that. He's always been shy, so I guess the coke made him feel...not so shy
Fast forward. He went to a rehab out of state, he's been clean, but more importantly he wants to be clean. He saw how our very close family was torn and hurt. He doesn't want that. He's been clean off anything, booze, pot, coke, totally sober for 9 months now. He's doing great. Luckily he never got into any trouble with the law, he has a good job, but the problem is he gave up a lot of his friends.
I'm 28 this month. He's my little brother. Yesterday he said "you know, I'm going to be 9 months sober this Monday". I was like dude, that is awesome! But then he told me its hard for him lately. I asked how so? In terms of drinking? smoking? (he was never a big drinker, always liked to smoke though). He said," just in general, I still think about cocaine". So I started to worry, but I didn't freak out or anything. I asked him if he'd do it again (coke), he said no. I said "just remember, it messed you up bud, you are doing good right now". I don't know if that was the right or wrong thing to say but he didn't get mad or anything. But I got some vibes that he was slipping possibly and needed some helo
I am the worst at dealing with this because I don't fully understand addiction. My brother and I are both living at home with mom and dad. Mom goes to her own support meetings every week and now helps out other parents who've delt with this. She is so strong and good with this. I've turned into a scared loner sometimes because of this. I never talk about it and when I do I just get very angry and upset and normally end up crying. I don't know how to talk to people who aren't in this situation. This is my little brother, I'd kill for it to be me over him.
So, talking to my gf (who lost her bf to heroin at the age of 27), she told me this his him letting me know its a hard patch right now and this is his way for reaching for some help. I believe it. I told my Mom about the conversation I had with my brother and I just felt her mood shift to worry. She works so hard with everything and shes damn near broke from this but manages not to show it or act it. Shes strong, very strong. I'm scared. I don't want to see another relapse with my brother because he becomes a different person and I'm just so bad at dealing with this.
My question is, what do I do now? How can I talk to my brother in a non confrontational and comforting way to figure out how I can help? The problem is I still go out with friends and I do drink, but he never sees me drunk or anything. Whenever he tells me stories, they are normally old glory day stories with drugs involved. Not all the time but its something I notice. I don't want to see him relapse, I feel like he's reaching out to me for help and I don't know how to handle it because I deal with this poorly. What are some tips you all can give me?
PS- Sorry for the rambling. Never opened up about this to anyone before besides my GF and Mom
---ALSO just noticed I may have posted this in the wrong forum and if that is the case I am very sorry.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
The first year is rough and it can get hardest around 6-9 months if we get PAWS: post acute withdrawal syndrome. Seeing a doc if he's depressed is a good idea. It can take a long time but after a year it should improve. Hang with him and do some fun stuff as much as possible.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum ICareToo!! 
It's difficult looking in from the outside on someone else's addiction, I guess it's because it's such a personal journey, a person makes the decision to be Sober and for the first few months it becomes almost a sole focus in someone's life until it becomes a new normal lifestyle, no one can make your brother Sober only him and that's why it takes up soo much energy and time, potentially to the exclusion of others and other things in life.
But in the long run I assure you it'll be worth it, a happier, Sober younger brother is what you'll have in the end!!
We have loads of helpful stickies at the top of our Family and Friends section, worth checking out:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
It's difficult looking in from the outside on someone else's addiction, I guess it's because it's such a personal journey, a person makes the decision to be Sober and for the first few months it becomes almost a sole focus in someone's life until it becomes a new normal lifestyle, no one can make your brother Sober only him and that's why it takes up soo much energy and time, potentially to the exclusion of others and other things in life.
But in the long run I assure you it'll be worth it, a happier, Sober younger brother is what you'll have in the end!!
We have loads of helpful stickies at the top of our Family and Friends section, worth checking out:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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