I fell at first hurdle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,059
I fell at first hurdle
I have been feeling so pleased with myself-one week sober then today had not seen or spoken to anyone all day but I was just about coping with the aid of lots of sweets, food and soft drinks. I then arrange to go dog walking with a (unreliable) friend who gets me to wait an hour for her then lets me down, I try to rise above the loneness and go walking alone, stop at the shop to buy more sweets see ex partner who totally blanks me and end up coming home with a bottle of wine which I am half way through!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
All you'll get from that wine is regret.
Do you think there are other ways to deal with these small disappointments? I believe learning to cope with things the way they are and remaining sober is something that I had to learn to do. Alcohol solves nothing. None of these little things that happened are worth losing your sobriety.
Have some water, eat a good supper and turn in early. Tomorrow start again with a new plan to not get derailed by other people.
Do you think there are other ways to deal with these small disappointments? I believe learning to cope with things the way they are and remaining sober is something that I had to learn to do. Alcohol solves nothing. None of these little things that happened are worth losing your sobriety.
Have some water, eat a good supper and turn in early. Tomorrow start again with a new plan to not get derailed by other people.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Kaily ,
I used to drink at people because i was hurt and angry . It's a solution that gives you diminishing returns and just confuses normal people with whom we try to have relationships .
I hope you have plenty of water , get some sleep and get back to sobriety . It's a better experience in my experience even if we have to reach out to learn how to deal with stuff differently .
m
I used to drink at people because i was hurt and angry . It's a solution that gives you diminishing returns and just confuses normal people with whom we try to have relationships .
I hope you have plenty of water , get some sleep and get back to sobriety . It's a better experience in my experience even if we have to reach out to learn how to deal with stuff differently .
m
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm going to call you on that.
1. Wine is not your friend. It wants to kill you.
2. There are many ways to meet people if that is something you want to do. AA meetings, hobby clubs, fitness centers or activities for fitness, like dog agility training, learning to run (with your dog), bicycle clubs, kayak clubs, bird-watching clubs. You could take a cooking class or a sewing class or a leather-working class or watercolors. Hit the library and browse through the hobbies section.
Volunteering is another way to get out of your head and be helpful to someone in need.
The ways to meet people are endless. You are limiting yourself and are only looking at the negative. If I always waited to do something with someone, I'd never leave the house.
1. Wine is not your friend. It wants to kill you.
2. There are many ways to meet people if that is something you want to do. AA meetings, hobby clubs, fitness centers or activities for fitness, like dog agility training, learning to run (with your dog), bicycle clubs, kayak clubs, bird-watching clubs. You could take a cooking class or a sewing class or a leather-working class or watercolors. Hit the library and browse through the hobbies section.
Volunteering is another way to get out of your head and be helpful to someone in need.
The ways to meet people are endless. You are limiting yourself and are only looking at the negative. If I always waited to do something with someone, I'd never leave the house.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Wine/alcohol is not your friend, not even for a few minutes.
If you feel people are taking you for granted, you can do this for yourself that make you feel good. And, you can step away from friends who let you down and try to find some new, sober and more dependable friends. For me, volunteering was where I was able to do that. It saved my life.
If you feel people are taking you for granted, you can do this for yourself that make you feel good. And, you can step away from friends who let you down and try to find some new, sober and more dependable friends. For me, volunteering was where I was able to do that. It saved my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 242
Stay strong Kaily! We all fall sometime but its how we get back up and face the next step.
I love SR for the fact that we can celebrate our success or vent our issues and people understand and can help us refocus.
I love SR for the fact that we can celebrate our success or vent our issues and people understand and can help us refocus.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Lots of great advice here Kialy.
I have to agree with the others too - alcohol is not your mate - it doesn't solve anything.
You sound like a good person - I reckon you'll find new friends if you stay sober and work hard at being happy - I seemed to attract a heck of a lot of new people into my life that way
D
I have to agree with the others too - alcohol is not your mate - it doesn't solve anything.
You sound like a good person - I reckon you'll find new friends if you stay sober and work hard at being happy - I seemed to attract a heck of a lot of new people into my life that way
D
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Trigger, trigger trigger! At least you have identified them. You can absolutely do something about them.
A friend who lets you down? Don't participate in the dynamic of disappointment with your friend. You have two choices with her. Accept her behavior and do not become angry over it. Or don't accept it and find a reliable friend. You chose another option: turn the experience into self-pity and drink over it.
It doesn't have to go that way.
I am not saying you are one, but I was the world's most gigantic martyr when I drank, it was a crucial part of my drinking persona. I manipulated people and situations so that I would be "let down". Thus giving myself the reason to drink.
The good news: that person is gone. No more manipulation, no more pity parties, no more woe is me.
I protect myself now, in a gentle way, I define my boundaries, I make choices of who I will be generous with and in order to avoid participating in negativity, I choose to avoid those who create it.
Staying sober is all about making choices like that: the choice to not drink is just a small part of it.
A friend who lets you down? Don't participate in the dynamic of disappointment with your friend. You have two choices with her. Accept her behavior and do not become angry over it. Or don't accept it and find a reliable friend. You chose another option: turn the experience into self-pity and drink over it.
It doesn't have to go that way.
I am not saying you are one, but I was the world's most gigantic martyr when I drank, it was a crucial part of my drinking persona. I manipulated people and situations so that I would be "let down". Thus giving myself the reason to drink.
The good news: that person is gone. No more manipulation, no more pity parties, no more woe is me.
I protect myself now, in a gentle way, I define my boundaries, I make choices of who I will be generous with and in order to avoid participating in negativity, I choose to avoid those who create it.
Staying sober is all about making choices like that: the choice to not drink is just a small part of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,059
Hi
Thanks everyone.
I am ok today, got my sweets in and going walking with my dogs alone so hopefully no one can upset me, although I just encountered road rage, a man got out of his car at the traffic lights and started shouting at me apparently I had cut him up, what a bully!
Thanks everyone.
I am ok today, got my sweets in and going walking with my dogs alone so hopefully no one can upset me, although I just encountered road rage, a man got out of his car at the traffic lights and started shouting at me apparently I had cut him up, what a bully!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Don't let that a...hole get to you ****. The best thing you can do for yourself is keep with your plan and not drink today.
Think of how proud you will be of yourself tomorrow. There is a sense of self empowerment with each passing day that you don't drink.
Do this for yourself!
Lean on us when you are feeling a sense of weakness. Let us try to help you before you pick up a drink.
Think of how proud you will be of yourself tomorrow. There is a sense of self empowerment with each passing day that you don't drink.
Do this for yourself!
Lean on us when you are feeling a sense of weakness. Let us try to help you before you pick up a drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Kaily, I am definitely not an expert but getting and staying sober is sometimes a selfish endeavor. Meaning the focus has to be put 100% on ourselves and we have to completely block out outside influences that lead us to the escape (the bottle). Eff your unreliable friend. At this moment in time, Kaiy needs Kaily and no one else. Wishing you the best. 2 cents.
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