My Story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1
My Story
I started drinking when I was 16. Like most young lads, this meant having 4 - 6 cans in a field with friends on a Friday night. I know teenagers shouldn't be drinking at all, but this was just harmless fun really. It's like a rite of passage in Ireland. I don't regret those times one bit, as I had some great experiences, and I have memories that will live with me forever.
When I turned 18 and started going to pubs and clubs, I discovered spirits. Thus began my downward spiral. I'm 25 now, so for the last 7 years I've had the same routine. Every night begins with me saying to myself "take it easy tonight". I start every night out on either pints of Guinness, or cans of Guinness if I'm in a house. Once the first 2 pints are drank, I've nearly lost control already. It's not that I'm drunk or anything..... my brain is just saying 'give me more, more, more, more'. I continue on the Guinness for maybe 3 or 4 more pints, so 6 in total. By then my stomach and tastebuds are usually saying they've had enough, however my brain is still saying to me 'We need more!'.
Because I'm so full from Guinness, this is when I move onto the Captain Morgan and Cokes (usually doubles). I actually love the taste of these so they don't last long in the glass. After one or two of these I've lost all control. Again, its not that I'm legless drunk.... it's that I'm feeling great, I'm telling hilarious jokes etc and I'm the life of the party. Then I'll drink one too many and suddenly I'm gone! It's like a light switch. I've been told I either turn aggressive towards people, or I just won't be able to stand on my own two feet. I usually blackout on these occasions.
I have easily been kicked out of pubs/clubs 50 times.... probably higher. I've also had a few bans from certain establishments, but after a few sober apologies these have gotten lifted. I've also lost dozens of jackets which I've left behind in my intoxicated states. The stories I hear the next morning about me in my blackout state can vary. Sometimes they're funny..... something like I was just being sloppy with a girl in the bar. Sometimes it's a little more serious like getting kicked out of a place for pissing in the outdoor smoking area.
On many an occasion it's been a lot more serious. Over the past 7 years, I've punched my next door neighbour's window in at 4am because I was locked out of my own house (which is my parents house). This cost 400 euro to repair. During this ordeal the glass cut my wrist pretty badly. I was told by a doctor the next morning I was very lucky it didn't cut the main vain deeper. I've also pissed all over my own house in drunken states, obviously thinking I'm at the toilet. This is humiliating to discover the next day. One night I spat in someones face in a fast food restaurant! He was slagging me and I obviously overreacted. The police were called and long story short, I was given an official police caution for minor assault. I'm blessed that it didn't go further and I didn't get a criminal record etc.
Ecstasy and cocaine are two drugs I've dabbled in more than once over the 7 years. When I was 22 I was doing ecstasy once a week for 6 months straight. It's a dirty drug and I have only done it twice in the past 3 years. Staying off that **** is a piece of cake... once you know what the next few days are like. Cocaine..... I'd never buy Coke myself, but if it was going at a party, I'd never be one to pass up a line. The 'buzz' is usually pretty minimal anyway. I'll never understand why people go out and spend 80 euro for a gram of coke. To me, thats just crazy.
I know I didn't need to write all the background information I've given, but I feel by summarising it like I have, it makes it real. I have been a mess on nights out from age 18 - 25. A complete and utter mess!!! On 19/09/2015, I attended the Oktorbefest festival in Ireland. This particular drinking binge lasted 12 messy hours, and when I woke up in a bush the following morning, I decided enough was enough!
Luckily, college or work have never been affected by these drunken episodes. The messiness normally confines itself to the weekends. I have a good career so I'm lucky in that regard. Relationships have been pretty much non-existent. There has always been the odd girl here or there, but when the majority of people are going to a club to try pull a girl, my sole objective is to consume as much drink as possible. Just reading that bit back.... thats when you know something is not right in your life.... when you're choosing alcohol over 'companionship'.
I'm going to end this by saying I don't think I have drinking problem. I get one pretty fast once I start..... but I can go weeks without craving a pint etc. I feel I have a thinking problem!! And this is different. Some people can go out, have 2 or 3 pints with mates and leave it at that. I'm not one of them unfortunately. My body/brain won't let me do that. I've come to the realisation I can't drink. It's taken 7 years to figure it out, but I suppose its better late than never. I'm not the first person to suffer with this condition, and I certainly won't be the last. In fact, my great-uncle was an alcoholic until he turned things around when he was 29. The family business he inherited was on the verge of going under while he was in charge...... my grandfather had to come in and save the day. He turned his life around for the better, and here's hoping I can too. I'm determined! For the past 7 years, I've let myself down, but more importantly I've let down my parents and siblings! No more. I know it's not going to be easy, but anything worth doing never is. I just need to constantly remind myself, 'Certain types of people can't drink, I'm one of them.'
When I turned 18 and started going to pubs and clubs, I discovered spirits. Thus began my downward spiral. I'm 25 now, so for the last 7 years I've had the same routine. Every night begins with me saying to myself "take it easy tonight". I start every night out on either pints of Guinness, or cans of Guinness if I'm in a house. Once the first 2 pints are drank, I've nearly lost control already. It's not that I'm drunk or anything..... my brain is just saying 'give me more, more, more, more'. I continue on the Guinness for maybe 3 or 4 more pints, so 6 in total. By then my stomach and tastebuds are usually saying they've had enough, however my brain is still saying to me 'We need more!'.
Because I'm so full from Guinness, this is when I move onto the Captain Morgan and Cokes (usually doubles). I actually love the taste of these so they don't last long in the glass. After one or two of these I've lost all control. Again, its not that I'm legless drunk.... it's that I'm feeling great, I'm telling hilarious jokes etc and I'm the life of the party. Then I'll drink one too many and suddenly I'm gone! It's like a light switch. I've been told I either turn aggressive towards people, or I just won't be able to stand on my own two feet. I usually blackout on these occasions.
I have easily been kicked out of pubs/clubs 50 times.... probably higher. I've also had a few bans from certain establishments, but after a few sober apologies these have gotten lifted. I've also lost dozens of jackets which I've left behind in my intoxicated states. The stories I hear the next morning about me in my blackout state can vary. Sometimes they're funny..... something like I was just being sloppy with a girl in the bar. Sometimes it's a little more serious like getting kicked out of a place for pissing in the outdoor smoking area.
On many an occasion it's been a lot more serious. Over the past 7 years, I've punched my next door neighbour's window in at 4am because I was locked out of my own house (which is my parents house). This cost 400 euro to repair. During this ordeal the glass cut my wrist pretty badly. I was told by a doctor the next morning I was very lucky it didn't cut the main vain deeper. I've also pissed all over my own house in drunken states, obviously thinking I'm at the toilet. This is humiliating to discover the next day. One night I spat in someones face in a fast food restaurant! He was slagging me and I obviously overreacted. The police were called and long story short, I was given an official police caution for minor assault. I'm blessed that it didn't go further and I didn't get a criminal record etc.
Ecstasy and cocaine are two drugs I've dabbled in more than once over the 7 years. When I was 22 I was doing ecstasy once a week for 6 months straight. It's a dirty drug and I have only done it twice in the past 3 years. Staying off that **** is a piece of cake... once you know what the next few days are like. Cocaine..... I'd never buy Coke myself, but if it was going at a party, I'd never be one to pass up a line. The 'buzz' is usually pretty minimal anyway. I'll never understand why people go out and spend 80 euro for a gram of coke. To me, thats just crazy.
I know I didn't need to write all the background information I've given, but I feel by summarising it like I have, it makes it real. I have been a mess on nights out from age 18 - 25. A complete and utter mess!!! On 19/09/2015, I attended the Oktorbefest festival in Ireland. This particular drinking binge lasted 12 messy hours, and when I woke up in a bush the following morning, I decided enough was enough!
Luckily, college or work have never been affected by these drunken episodes. The messiness normally confines itself to the weekends. I have a good career so I'm lucky in that regard. Relationships have been pretty much non-existent. There has always been the odd girl here or there, but when the majority of people are going to a club to try pull a girl, my sole objective is to consume as much drink as possible. Just reading that bit back.... thats when you know something is not right in your life.... when you're choosing alcohol over 'companionship'.
I'm going to end this by saying I don't think I have drinking problem. I get one pretty fast once I start..... but I can go weeks without craving a pint etc. I feel I have a thinking problem!! And this is different. Some people can go out, have 2 or 3 pints with mates and leave it at that. I'm not one of them unfortunately. My body/brain won't let me do that. I've come to the realisation I can't drink. It's taken 7 years to figure it out, but I suppose its better late than never. I'm not the first person to suffer with this condition, and I certainly won't be the last. In fact, my great-uncle was an alcoholic until he turned things around when he was 29. The family business he inherited was on the verge of going under while he was in charge...... my grandfather had to come in and save the day. He turned his life around for the better, and here's hoping I can too. I'm determined! For the past 7 years, I've let myself down, but more importantly I've let down my parents and siblings! No more. I know it's not going to be easy, but anything worth doing never is. I just need to constantly remind myself, 'Certain types of people can't drink, I'm one of them.'
Last edited by TheShoemaker; 09-30-2015 at 12:46 PM. Reason: Spelling
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
If you drink, and it becomes a problem, it's a drinking problem. Now that you recognize it and have decided to quit...drinking problem solved. However, if you talk yourself back into drinking, or believing that this time you will stop at two--THAT is a thinking problem.
Originally Posted by TheShoemaker 
I'm going to end this by saying I don't think I have drinking problem. I get one pretty fast once I start.....
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Welcome, Shoemaker! Good that you realize you have a problem. It's not uncommon for alcoholics to think that because they don't drink every day that they don't have a problem.
Some have a harder time than others stopping but it can be done. I'd suggest joining the current month's thread - tomorrow the October 2015 newcomers' thread will start and will be people like you who are starting on this journey. Good luck.
Some have a harder time than others stopping but it can be done. I'd suggest joining the current month's thread - tomorrow the October 2015 newcomers' thread will start and will be people like you who are starting on this journey. Good luck.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,183
Welcome to SR Shoemaker
Agree with Saskia re the Class of Oct 15.
In your situation one thing you have to work really hard on is changing socialisation patterns to exclude alcohol. That can seem daunting when you are 25 but it is doable, you just have to find those other interests you have but don't indulge because of the booze
Good luck
Agree with Saskia re the Class of Oct 15.
In your situation one thing you have to work really hard on is changing socialisation patterns to exclude alcohol. That can seem daunting when you are 25 but it is doable, you just have to find those other interests you have but don't indulge because of the booze
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Shoemaker. You've come to a great community with a ton of support.
You've got to decide what you want out of your tomorrow. If waking up in a bush after blacking out isn't how you want to spend tomorrow, then don't drink today.
I wish I had decided to quit when I was your age. You don't know it yet, but this disease is progressive and you might just turn around one day and have spent 20 or 30 years on the same downward spiral you are in right now. Life goes by way too fast, don't waste it in a bottle.
You can definitely make this happen. Do it for you first, everyone else in your life will benefit from your decision to quit.
Welcome and glad you found us.
You've got to decide what you want out of your tomorrow. If waking up in a bush after blacking out isn't how you want to spend tomorrow, then don't drink today.
I wish I had decided to quit when I was your age. You don't know it yet, but this disease is progressive and you might just turn around one day and have spent 20 or 30 years on the same downward spiral you are in right now. Life goes by way too fast, don't waste it in a bottle.
You can definitely make this happen. Do it for you first, everyone else in your life will benefit from your decision to quit.
Welcome and glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Im not so sure it is a thinking problem. Alcohol has a tight grip on one's brain that makes them think they dont have a drinking problem. Me included. You are I are a lot alike. I too cant drink just a few, I drink and I drink and I drink. Now I know that I do in fact have a drinking problem. That problem has not yet lead to anything detrimental to me or others, but it certainly could have and most likely will if I kept up what I was doing.
I hate the though of drinking now, and have for a while. But that didnt stop me in the last few binges and relapses. My hangovers got horrible before I realized I had a problem, and the last few times I have gotten drunk, the hangovers seem to get worse and worse. Luckily I am over two weeks now (again) without alcohol. This time I plan on it being for good. And so far, that plan has worked out well.
I hate the though of drinking now, and have for a while. But that didnt stop me in the last few binges and relapses. My hangovers got horrible before I realized I had a problem, and the last few times I have gotten drunk, the hangovers seem to get worse and worse. Luckily I am over two weeks now (again) without alcohol. This time I plan on it being for good. And so far, that plan has worked out well.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
I'm very glad to meet you, Shoemaker. Thanks for telling your story. 
How I'd love to go back to my 20's and have this same realization. I knew I was in trouble back then, but chose to ignore the warning signs. As a result, my life fell apart, & I was an every day drinker in the end. Drinking for us is dangerous and destructive. I'm so glad you know that.
How I'd love to go back to my 20's and have this same realization. I knew I was in trouble back then, but chose to ignore the warning signs. As a result, my life fell apart, & I was an every day drinker in the end. Drinking for us is dangerous and destructive. I'm so glad you know that.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
You sound exactly like me. The drinking pattern is/was identical. You have made a good decision to stop. I understand that "anything" could happen when I drink at any time. Once I start, I can't unmake the decision, it takes a life of it's own. About 20 months sober this time and have not even considered drinking. Not the longest stretch, but the easiest.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
I am also 25. It is nice to have solidarity with others in this age group as I find my peers still accept binge drinking as a way of life.
I indentify with a lot of your post. Ironically, I would tell myself I was just being social and hell, that I was out to "pull girls" when in reality I was getting way to drunk to be social or to be any kind of suave character.
For me, as perhaps for you, drink became the only goal of the night.
Best of luck here my friend.
I indentify with a lot of your post. Ironically, I would tell myself I was just being social and hell, that I was out to "pull girls" when in reality I was getting way to drunk to be social or to be any kind of suave character.
For me, as perhaps for you, drink became the only goal of the night.
Best of luck here my friend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by kinzoku
I am also 25. It is nice to have solidarity with others in this age group as I find my peers still accept binge drinking as a way of life.
I indentify with a lot of your post. Ironically, I would tell myself I was just being social and hell, that I was out to "pull girls" when in reality I was getting way to drunk to be social or to be any kind of suave character.
For me, as perhaps for you, drink became the only goal of the night.
Best of luck here my friend.
I indentify with a lot of your post. Ironically, I would tell myself I was just being social and hell, that I was out to "pull girls" when in reality I was getting way to drunk to be social or to be any kind of suave character.
For me, as perhaps for you, drink became the only goal of the night.
Best of luck here my friend.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum TheShoemaker!! 
If you hadn't have consumed any alcohol and had of been Sober would the long list of consequences as a result of alcohol have happened?
Whatever way you look at it, alcohol is doing you no favours, after reading your story all of the issues, the loss of control, the light switch being pressed, the blackouts, the damage to property, the assaults, the police caution, the injuries, the obsession over alcohol at the expense of companionship!!
The good news is you don't have to go back to that "downward spiral", you can draw a line and say no more!!
You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR to help!!
I'm going to end this by saying I don't think I have drinking problem.
Whatever way you look at it, alcohol is doing you no favours, after reading your story all of the issues, the loss of control, the light switch being pressed, the blackouts, the damage to property, the assaults, the police caution, the injuries, the obsession over alcohol at the expense of companionship!!
The good news is you don't have to go back to that "downward spiral", you can draw a line and say no more!!
You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR to help!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 155
Thank you for your story. I was 27 when I started trying to convince myself that I didn't have a problem. 31 when I knew I was an alcoholic and my life was completely unmanageable. 34 when I was forced into rehab after years of misery. I have 14 months now and life is beautiful.
You must have subconsciously knew the responses you would receive. Save yourself some misery brother.
You must have subconsciously knew the responses you would receive. Save yourself some misery brother.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Welcome Shoemaker
Many folks here are binge drinkers - I started as one before I ended up an all day everyday drinker.
To me it's the same problem manifested in slightly different ways.
I know you'll find support here
D
Many folks here are binge drinkers - I started as one before I ended up an all day everyday drinker.
To me it's the same problem manifested in slightly different ways.
I know you'll find support here
D
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