Garfield71

Pretty much everyone at my daughter's school knows that I have a drinking problem (I have volunteered hungover, reeking of booze in the past). I dropped her off early this morning for school camp, and had a coffee cup in my hand. Everyone kept looking at my cup, like I would be drinking alcohol at 6:30 am at a school. I am one week sober, and have never been a day drinker. I'll be glad when she goes to a new school, so I can start over with new parents.

ScottFromWI

Congrats on a week sober Garfield71! It takes time for others to realize the changes we make in our lives, but as you get more time under your belt you will build back up the trust of those around you and also meet new people. Keep your head up and also remember that you cannot control what other people think, so don't let it get to you. Stay strong with your resolve to be sober and the rest of it will take care of itself.

LBrain

Sorry about the "judgy" people. Without the "judgy" people I think the world population would be about 1/100 of what it is now.

I must say, I read in the past of folks who actually did have something other than coffee in their mugs as they dropped their kids off at school.

Keep your chin up and stay the course, the looks are their problem not yours. In time and it may not take long, people will just see you as another person dropping off the kids.

And it could also be your heightened awareness and imagination that others are scrutinizing you. Maybe? And even if they are scrutinizing you - just show them by staying sober and being the best self you can be. It does take a while for some people to forget.
In time this too shall pass.

zjw

there problem not yours. they can judge all they want just march to the beat of your own drum. Tell them you drinking a nice hot cup of **** this morning and how si there day going have fun with it! what does it matter.

congrats on the week sober!!

Fly N Buy

I find that other people really don't care one way or the other - they are wrapped up in themselves, which is common. People are innately selfish beings.

I really only thought they were yaking about me and judging........With some sober time those feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy dissipated.

If Nancy Nosy is friends with Blabber Betty, don't concern yourself with it. Take joy daily that you're on the right track and will through change demonstrate to them and your loved ones how life is to be lived - with grace, kindness and joy.

Someday, you may be very surprised when another mom confides in you and says she has drinking problem, wanted to know how you stayed stopped. I have seen this in my own life even at 15 months sober............


Today I can face anyone with complete confidence and disregard for how they feel about me. They are not paying rent in my head and I have developed the skill set to evict those who don't belong!!!

A week is Fantastic!!!
Good For You

It won't take long for the busy bodies to fall by the wayside as unimportant.

Thanks for the post!!

tomsteve

everyone kept lookin at your cup!?!?!?!?
sounds like a very smaaaaallllllll school!
youre going to find judgemental people drunk or not.
at any school in colorado.

i will guarantee some of them people were also wondering what you were thinking of them.

why wait til you kid goes to a new school to start fresh? why not start showing with your actions there and now?

Stubbs16

Congrats on one week. Heres to new beginnings!

Dazee

I didn't realize how paranoid a person I was until I got sober, after a while I realized people were not that interested in me after all.
All you had was coffee in your cup! Congratulations to you

Carver

You don't have to prove anything to these people. Even if there is suspicion (more than likely not as much as you think), it'll fade with more sober time

One week is awesome!!

ccam1973

Congratulations on keeping sober Garfield!

My advise mirrors what others have said already... don't worry about those people. You can't control how they feel or perceive you at this point. Heck, they might not be looking at your cup of coffee at all. I was 100% paranoid when I was drinking and early on in my sobriety too.

What will make it better is time, time spend not drinking. Eventually, I think you will find you don't care what they think. Re-invent how other's look at you through your actions of staying sober today.

MIRecovery

90% of the people don't care about me, 5% don't like me, and 5% do.

I prefer to devote my time and emotional energy on the 5% that do

Soberwolf

Congrats on a week sober

Anna

Garfield , it's hard to accept that people don't realize when we have finally stopped drinking for good. It's important to keep the focus on yourself and your recovery and to not be swayed by other people's comments or looks. Congratulations on 1 week sober.

fantail

When I get self-conscious about people who know about my problem, I picture them running into each other and saying, "have you seen fantail? she looks so much better!" "I know, I heard she started a business or something" etc etc... It's childish but it helps me turn my nervousness into motivation.

Hevyn

People's negative perceptions will fade away, Garfield. Just rise above it all and keep going. One week is wonderful.

Greenwood618

Their suspicion of you is merited given your past behavior. You deserve it.

dwtbd

greenwood618

While the content of your comment may be true, its bluntness in delivery, given the context of a support forum, can be seen as a statement by an aloof self- aggrandizing 'troll'. Whether or not that is true, you will deserve the feedback this comment receives.

Garfield71

I used to drink in the evenings only. I would never drive a car after/while drinking, especially in a school zone. None of these people have actually seen me drunk, only hungover. I guess it will just take time for people's perceptions of me to change. Oddly enough, when I was drinking, I didn't care about what they thought.

EndGameNYC

I conditioned people in my life to doubt me, to criticize me, to learn to stop relying on me, to reject me and, ultimately, to no longer care. In my mind, the ways in which people responded to me was appropriate.

Becoming more or less immune to what other people think, feel and say about us is a major milestone in recovery, if not also in life generally.

Trust is the first thing we lose, and the last thing we get back. Living sober is the only remedy.

Frank14

Been there, done that. Trust me, I would show up to my kids' school events buzzed and wreaking of alcohol. I used to brew my own beer and was very proud of the 40 gallons I'd have available at any point in time. I understand the "forget those people" sentiments, but that's not always practical.

However, the silver lining is that things, good and bad, travel the grapevine rapidly in these tight communities. I would make it a point to let some people know (if the situation arises) that you absolutely do not drink any more.

I realize you're a little peeved and understandably embarrassed at their mistrust, but frankly, they are probably justified based on past behavior (especially if you volunteered to be a driver. Any normal parent would be concerned). It will take some time to build up trust, but speaking from my experience you can do it! Forget the escapist thoughts of moving away. Prove to yourself and everyone else that you're a responsible parent! Get to the volunteer events extra early. Be extra organized, etc. You'll be surprised how quickly things turn around.