Reset

Sometimes we talk about how it can be tempting to postpone quitting until "right after the holiday" or "once this next trip is over."

At some point you gotta say there's always going to be a reason to postpone quitting so if you really want to quit, now's the time. I get that, fully.

What I'm finding now is that all of those reasons to postpone quitting have transformed themselves into moments of temptation or stress. Or maybe not even temptation or stress exactly, but moments where I specifically notice that I'm not drinking.

For the most part it's been fine; I've managed some situations that were ripe for relapse. And I feel pretty comfortable knowing that when I'm in those moments later, I will be able to deal.

But why is there always something around the corner?

Tomorrow I have to go out to eat with the single most important contact for my business, a person with whom I used to drink often. It's going to come up.

And in 5 days I have to go on a business trip with a group of close colleagues and alcohol will once again be on the menu.

After that is a week long trip, by myself, with multiple opportunities for totally free booze. No peer pressure but extended periods of lonliness and maybe boredom.

It never seems to stop.

And while my gut is telling me that odds are I'll be fine and won't do anything stupid, another part is asking, "dammit, when is the attention to this issue going to end?"

I just want to get to the point where I'm no longer stressed about future situations. Does that ever really end?

Dee74

When you end up drinking through everything like I did everything becomes a trigger to drink.

The more things you negotiate sober, the stronger the new statis quo becomes and the weaker those old associations will become Reset

It's not always like this cat on a hot tin roof kind of deal - have faith - it gets better
D

mns1

Alcohol is so ingrained in many cultures as just a normal part of socializing. I personally find it kind of strange. It seems like it has to be involved with everything.

One thing I think helps is taking pride in being that one person who doesn't need alcohol to enjoy the occasion. That one person who can take pleasure in the subtler things life has to offer rather than needing some form of "enhancer".

Jeni26

I found it was always helpful to have a plan of how I'd deal with a drinking situation, when it was expected of me to join in or when it was just a routine time that I always did. Once that plan was in place, I tried to stop fretting about it.

There are an awful lot of 'tomorrow's' to think about...birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, office parties..etc etc. In the beginning I just drove myself half crazy thinking about how this not drinking business was just going to be impossible!

Actually, it is entirely possible. There were certain situations (and people) I had to avoid, sometimes I had to make up an excuse and sometimes I told the truth all depending on who I was with.

Not drinking became my priority. Situations came and went, some were harder than others and I had whole weekends when I would stay on SR for support. And gradually, over time, they became easier.

I can sit in a pub, order drinks for friends, go out for meals and be with other drunks without it affecting me now. In fact my fridge is packed with alcohol all the time as my H drinks, and it's just an irritation as I can't get my food in!

Things do get easier. Hold strong and have faith in those who have walked this path before you. That's what I did ❤️

Rar

From Dee, "The more things you negotiate sober, the stronger the new statis quo becomes and the weaker those old associations will become Reset "


+1 I really like this. It makes the thought of the future much more manageable.

BernieE

Business trips are the most difficult for me as well. I happily share my choice not to drink with family and friends but work colleagues, especially those I meet with only a couple times a year, don't need or want to hear about my struggles. I make excuses like medical reasons, medication, needing my wits about me for my presentation, whatever, but it isn't easy and non drinkers are viewed with suspicion. Each trip I get stronger and I'm happy I don't travel again until March. Stay strong.

Saskia

No matter where we are, what we are doing (or not doing anything) and who we are with, we alcoholics will think of it as a drinking situation. Our normie friends aren't wired the same way. Putting off quitting isn't rational - it's our addiction talking.

doggonecarl

It ends if you can change your mindset about alcohol and the need to drink. Thousands and thousands of people meet important business contacts, go on business trips with drinkers, travel by themselves and deal with loneliness and boredom...WITHOUT DRINKING.

So can you. It takes some effort in the beginning. But it gets easier, as long as drinking is taken off the table as an option. Then the situation, whatever it is, doesn't matter.

strategery

One of the things I had to realize when I got sober, is there was no good time to quit drinking. There were always occasions to drink.

The good thing is that you're recognizing those thoughts and it should show you how dangerous it is for you to pick up. If you pick up that first drink, you might not stop. Do you want to go back to the place where you were before you got sober? Just thinking about that always made me shudder and not want to pick up.

One of the things you may want to do, is to not put yourself into situations with free booze. I think that is just asking for problems. There are so many other things you can do.

ScottFromWI

The only excuse I needed to postpone quitting ( AKA "keep drinking" ) was that I was alive and awake. While I somehow managed to avoid drinking in the morning before I went to work and while I was at work, I drank every night as soon as I got out of work until I passed out, and all day long on the weekends. If I was off work I also started drinking mid morning and drank the rest of the day.

There are so many excuses we can come up with
"Everyone Drinks"
"Society promotes drinking"
"Drinking is ingrained in the business culture"
"I need to drink to have fun"
"All my friends drink"
"etc..etc..etc.."

The real truth is that not everyone drinks. And most people who DO drink only drink a small amount. And the most important reality is that it is ENTIRELY possible to live a fun, social, good life completely without alcohol. There are entire segments of our society that do not drink at all for cultural or religious reasons and they are very successful and happy. There are also many people who ARE NOT alcoholics that choose not to drink at all because they realize it's not a good thing to do.

Dropsie

This is a good thread for me to read today.

This morning I was thinking about the fact that I am lucky not to have strong cravings to drink when I abstain (all bets off when I don't abstain), but what gets me is that nothing gives me the burst of happiness/fun/enthusiasm or the sense of control (weird right??) that the idea of drinking used to give me. Not the drinking itself, but the idea of it.

So, life seems a bit boring (or you could say peaceful). I also travel a lot on business and this sense of boredom with an added dose of anxiety is multiplied on these trips. Not because anyone thinks its odd not to drink, but because it all becomes a bit much and to be honest a bit scary.

So I empathise with you, and will be thinking of you when I am off to far away places tomorrow without my old companion.

tomsteve

one of the blessings the program of aa has given me is the problem i had with alcohol has been removed. it no longer exists. i am able to go anywhere alcohol js served as long as i have 3 very important thing:
right motive
fit spiritual condition
an escape route.

it has taken much work on my part of changing my thinking and my actions.

one thought i had to change:
" I've managed some situations that were ripe for relapse. "

that there-thinking there is a drink worthy event still out there- would be me setting myself up for a drunk.
there is absolutely no drink worthy events
for me.

dwtbd

I will be attending an out of state family wedding in a few weeks , and truthfully I have some regret because I am a nondrinker. But the astounding thing is the regret is not focused on missing any 'fun', it's more about knowing , given the logistics, I will certainly be tapped as a DD , to and from the hotels and hosts' home, certainly going to eat into my by the pool reading time . I know , I know selfish of me, sure I'll be happy to keep everyone safer and what not, it is nice to realize that that really is the source of the irritation.
The default setting of being a nondrinker is an awesome setting, with time you will Feel it, keep trucking

ccam1973

Reset, I can only speak from my experience. It definitely does get easier to function without alcohol.

I have had several business trips, luncheons, dinners and outings that I would have been drinking at in the past. As I adjusted to life without alcohol, I no longer worry about going on these functions and drinking. Will drinking pop into my head, of course it will... I'm an alcoholic.

Will those thoughts control me... absolutely not. The more sober time I have, the easier it is for me to control those thoughts.

This addiction is all about control. When our AV is in control, we drink... when we are in control, we don't drink. With each day that passes, I become more and more in control. But I will never loose sight of my AV, once I think it is completely gone and I am somehow void of this addiction, I will once again fail. Never lose perspective of who is in control, nor what happens if you lose control and become complacent.

Hang in there, things do get easier.

AlaskaGirl

Thanks for this post. I have struggled with this very topic, and I have a big work trip coming up in 5 days that will be challenging for me. LOTS of drinking, LOTS of FREE drinks.

I've thought about the trip a lot. I'm focusing on the positives of not drinking. While I will miss that first or second glass of wine at dinner, I won't miss struggling to regulate my drinking for the rest of the evening so I don't make an ass out of myself in front of my peers.

I also won't miss going back to my hotel room and staying up really late getting in my quota of vodka just so I can sleep. My alcoholism has progressed to the point that once I have those first few drinks, my addiction demands I consume a certain amount before I can put the bottle down and sleep. It doesn't matter if I'm tired, or if I don't want to drink because I have to get up early and don't want to be hung over. If I start, I can't stop.

So I won't have to worry about hiding my drunkeness, sneaking off to the liquor store in the middle of the day to buy a bottle and smuggle it back up to my hotel room, or the horrible anxiety that comes with the hangover while trying to act normal in the morning.

All in all I think not having to deal with those things is a good trade off for not having that hour of the "pleasure" of those first few glasses of wine.

Nonsensical

Apparently you have not yet run out of situations where you used to drink that you have subsequently experienced sober.

If you keep not drinking, eventually you will run out of those situations.

For example, tomorrow you can check not drinking with that business contact off your list of things you've never done before. In a week your business trip will be history and you can check that off your list of new sober experiences, too.

My AV always wanted me to think doing things sober for the first time was hard.

My AV is a liar.

Sounds like you're doing great, keep it up!

SereneEdition

It does get easier. For me, year 1 was mostly about learning to navigate life as a non-drinker.

During that time I had 1 rule - NOTHING (and I mean NOTHING) gets in the way of my sobriety. I ran everything through that filter. If I felt like there was a risk, I didn't do it.

A simple "I don't feel well, can we reschedule" works great - no questions asked.

Reset

Thanks everyone. Funny thing is that within 5 minutes of my meeting today, the important contact asked me if I'd stopped drinking. I guess that a few months back I had told her I was thinking about it (of course I don't remember because I was probably drunk at the time), and she wanted to know right away what the current status was. I think the subject puts her a bit on edge because she drinks a lot and perhaps it causes her to do a bit of self-examination.

Anyway it went fine, she was cool, we had a great meeting, and not much came of the subject after that initial discussion.

Another situation under my belt. On to the next.

Nonsensical, I like what you said about running out of situations to experience sober. I'll get there eventually.

And Dee like you said there are tons of triggers. Sorry but I laughed when I read that. I know ultimately it's tragic but it hit me in a way I didn't expect. Hadn't realized it about myself but it definitely applies.

least

It gets easier with more time. After some more time sober it will be second nature to not drink and you won't have to focus on it.

Dee74

No need to apologise Retread - I'm not there anymore - I find it pretty absurd now too

D