Im tired...
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Manhattan, New York
Posts: 83
Im tired...
Drinking has always been an interesting part of my life.
My parents traveled a lot when I was younger, so I threw parties pretty frequently and there was tons of booze present. I was known as "The Party Animal" (even made the yearbook superlatives) I was known for partying hard and not having a care in the world.
That all changed when I was 23. I went out for one of my favorite bartenders birthdays, free Jameo shots all night. Got behind the wheel and by doing something randomly and unknowingly illegal, was pulled over and processed for DUI. My life changed a lot then, my whole town knew pretty much immediately because I was in the paper. I was depressed, had a breathalyzer in my car, just... all around was terrible.
It was weird because I took it as a blessing. I luckily didn't kill anyone, I had been pulled over before and had gotten off free. I think that needed to happen because I drunk drove PLENTY of times before that, and since, I have not.
But I never stopped drinking. There was a two year period after where I was hiding bottles in my closet, and when my parents were at work, i would drink with some friends online-- literally ALL DAY. To me, it was fun, I never thought of it as being damaging or that this was probably the beginning of what was ultimately my alcoholism. I began getting more angry with people I loved. My parents were worried and would try to get me to think about what I was doing to myself but that only raged me more. I ended up moving out and living with a boyfriend a bit over a year ago.
Now, I have a great job and a few friends and a good boyfriend. Things are looking up. I'm 28 and I finally feel like I'm coming into my own skin. But this addiction I have is still ruining my life. At least once a week, I binge to the point of attacking my boyfriend and his character. I feel terrible the next day and Im at the point now where I even feel like I need to just remove myself from the relationship because I am toxic to him.
I want to stop drinking, I truly do. Ive gone over this whole scenario in my head, constantly. There is no good that comes from alcohol besides the social aspect and I don't need it. I'm social enough without it. But its so hard. I dunno how people can give it up completely but I am willing to try. The longest I went without drinking was a week. I started drinking a little over 10 years ago. I have suffered from depression that whole time as well. A lot more lately then before.
I need help.
My parents traveled a lot when I was younger, so I threw parties pretty frequently and there was tons of booze present. I was known as "The Party Animal" (even made the yearbook superlatives) I was known for partying hard and not having a care in the world.
That all changed when I was 23. I went out for one of my favorite bartenders birthdays, free Jameo shots all night. Got behind the wheel and by doing something randomly and unknowingly illegal, was pulled over and processed for DUI. My life changed a lot then, my whole town knew pretty much immediately because I was in the paper. I was depressed, had a breathalyzer in my car, just... all around was terrible.
It was weird because I took it as a blessing. I luckily didn't kill anyone, I had been pulled over before and had gotten off free. I think that needed to happen because I drunk drove PLENTY of times before that, and since, I have not.
But I never stopped drinking. There was a two year period after where I was hiding bottles in my closet, and when my parents were at work, i would drink with some friends online-- literally ALL DAY. To me, it was fun, I never thought of it as being damaging or that this was probably the beginning of what was ultimately my alcoholism. I began getting more angry with people I loved. My parents were worried and would try to get me to think about what I was doing to myself but that only raged me more. I ended up moving out and living with a boyfriend a bit over a year ago.
Now, I have a great job and a few friends and a good boyfriend. Things are looking up. I'm 28 and I finally feel like I'm coming into my own skin. But this addiction I have is still ruining my life. At least once a week, I binge to the point of attacking my boyfriend and his character. I feel terrible the next day and Im at the point now where I even feel like I need to just remove myself from the relationship because I am toxic to him.
I want to stop drinking, I truly do. Ive gone over this whole scenario in my head, constantly. There is no good that comes from alcohol besides the social aspect and I don't need it. I'm social enough without it. But its so hard. I dunno how people can give it up completely but I am willing to try. The longest I went without drinking was a week. I started drinking a little over 10 years ago. I have suffered from depression that whole time as well. A lot more lately then before.
I need help.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: North Texas
Posts: 183
Hey Kirky
You've made a step in the right direction for sure. I am 29 as well and have been steadily drinking since 21 ish. I am now 10 days sober and Im feeling so much better. Its not impossible to quit its just the alcohol telling you that. There is a lot of support here so keep posting and reading others stories. Your not alone for sure. Try to set a goal to stop drinking for 10 days then 20 then 30 then you'll be able to think a lot clearer. Its worth it trust me.. not only for ur body but your brain
Keep your head up , Ur story reminds me a lot of mine and its tough but u can make it through.
Dru -
You've made a step in the right direction for sure. I am 29 as well and have been steadily drinking since 21 ish. I am now 10 days sober and Im feeling so much better. Its not impossible to quit its just the alcohol telling you that. There is a lot of support here so keep posting and reading others stories. Your not alone for sure. Try to set a goal to stop drinking for 10 days then 20 then 30 then you'll be able to think a lot clearer. Its worth it trust me.. not only for ur body but your brain
Keep your head up , Ur story reminds me a lot of mine and its tough but u can make it through.
Dru -
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Imagining life without alcohol seems impossible at the beginning. It is not. With a bit of sober time you'll begin to see that life is far better without heavy drinking.
Heavy drinking keeps us in chains. We do and say things we shouldn't say (and sadly, don't really mean). It ruins our health. Causes depression. Anxiety. Skews our thinking. Since it's progressive, you can only expect things to get worse as time goes on.
Reading on SR helped me quit drinking. It's a wealth of information on recovering from alcoholism. The daily ritual of checking in and reading posts keeps me sober. That along with all of the unexpected benefits of being sober that I never imagined while still drinking.
I haven't picked up a drink in nearly 10 months and I never intended to again. That seemed impossible back in early December, but now it's just part of who I am. You can do this. Get out now.
Heavy drinking keeps us in chains. We do and say things we shouldn't say (and sadly, don't really mean). It ruins our health. Causes depression. Anxiety. Skews our thinking. Since it's progressive, you can only expect things to get worse as time goes on.
Reading on SR helped me quit drinking. It's a wealth of information on recovering from alcoholism. The daily ritual of checking in and reading posts keeps me sober. That along with all of the unexpected benefits of being sober that I never imagined while still drinking.
I haven't picked up a drink in nearly 10 months and I never intended to again. That seemed impossible back in early December, but now it's just part of who I am. You can do this. Get out now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Manhattan, New York
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by dru1085 
Hey Kirky
You've made a step in the right direction for sure. I am 29 as well and have been steadily drinking since 21 ish. I am now 10 days sober and Im feeling so much better. Its not impossible to quit its just the alcohol telling you that. There is a lot of support here so keep posting and reading others stories. Your not alone for sure. Try to set a goal to stop drinking for 10 days then 20 then 30 then you'll be able to think a lot clearer. Its worth it trust me.. not only for ur body but your brain
Keep your head up , Ur story reminds me a lot of mine and its tough but u can make it through.
Dru -
You've made a step in the right direction for sure. I am 29 as well and have been steadily drinking since 21 ish. I am now 10 days sober and Im feeling so much better. Its not impossible to quit its just the alcohol telling you that. There is a lot of support here so keep posting and reading others stories. Your not alone for sure. Try to set a goal to stop drinking for 10 days then 20 then 30 then you'll be able to think a lot clearer. Its worth it trust me.. not only for ur body but your brain
Keep your head up , Ur story reminds me a lot of mine and its tough but u can make it through.
Dru -
My TRUE problem is that when I get depressed or need time to myself, thats when I binge. And it almost always happens by mistake. Beer and a shot, over and over and by the 3rd, 4th round, I'm destroyed. This is when the anger comes and the littlest thing will set me off.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Manhattan, New York
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by GnikNus
Imagining life without alcohol seems impossible at the beginning. It is not. With a bit of sober time you'll begin to see that life is far better without heavy drinking.
Heavy drinking keeps us in chains. We do and say things we shouldn't say (and sadly, don't really mean). It ruins our health. Causes depression. Anxiety. Skews our thinking. Since it's progressive, you can only expect things to get worse as time goes on.
Reading on SR helped me quit drinking. It's a wealth of information on recovering from alcoholism. The daily ritual of checking in and reading posts keeps me sober. That along with all of the unexpected benefits of being sober that I never imagined while still drinking.
I haven't picked up a drink in nearly 10 months and I never intended to again. That seemed impossible back in early December, but now it's just part of who I am. You can do this. Get out now.
Heavy drinking keeps us in chains. We do and say things we shouldn't say (and sadly, don't really mean). It ruins our health. Causes depression. Anxiety. Skews our thinking. Since it's progressive, you can only expect things to get worse as time goes on.
Reading on SR helped me quit drinking. It's a wealth of information on recovering from alcoholism. The daily ritual of checking in and reading posts keeps me sober. That along with all of the unexpected benefits of being sober that I never imagined while still drinking.
I haven't picked up a drink in nearly 10 months and I never intended to again. That seemed impossible back in early December, but now it's just part of who I am. You can do this. Get out now.
Thanks so much for the insight GnikNus. I know that there are really good things that can come from me quitting for good. And I was hopeful that this place would help. I need a support group if you will. People that are in the same boat as me and get how tough this process is and will be and have succeeded. I hope I can be as strong as you. Congrats on your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Kirky
I dunno how people can give it up completely but I am willing to try.
Then we make a (firm) decision.
Then we find the Sober Program that works for us.
And keep working it.
Good luck
MM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Manhattan, New York
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
It starts with being willing.
Then we make a (firm) decision.
Then we find the Sober Program that works for us.
And keep working it.
Good luck
MM
Then we make a (firm) decision.
Then we find the Sober Program that works for us.
And keep working it.
Good luck
MM
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, Kirky!
Having the support of people who have been where you're at is a really good idea.
Stick around here; read and post and look at what the people who are staying sober are doing. See what kinds of things seem to be working for others and what doesn't and come up with your own plan.
Life got better than I ever imagined it could after I'd been sober a while.
Having the support of people who have been where you're at is a really good idea.
Stick around here; read and post and look at what the people who are staying sober are doing. See what kinds of things seem to be working for others and what doesn't and come up with your own plan.
Life got better than I ever imagined it could after I'd been sober a while.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Kirky
I do I go about doing that Mountainmanbob? Finding a program that works for me?
Bottom line though is that none of them are going to be "easy". Hard work on your part and doing things that you most likely do not want to do ( not drinking for example ! ) will be required. But the work also provides benefits...to your physical well being and your state of mind.
SR itself can be a main component of a sobriety plan, it is definitely the case for me.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Kirky you have the best incentive for not drinking which is that it makes you abuse the person you love. That takes it out of self-harm territory into causing harm, and I'm sure you're better than an abuser.
I promise that if you can get through a year sober you won't ever want to go back. My big goal was a year, but I divided it into weeks, months, 6 months etc, and enjoyed marking it off a calendar.
My first step was to see my doctor and tell him about how much I drank. I asked him what I'd be like in 10 years if I didn't stop. Boy that was an incentive all by itself. I also looked up stages of alcoholism online which was scary. Your doc might be able to help you deal with any anxiety in the first few months and it's good to have someone on your side.
I dealt with habits by making small changes, and I was careful not to let myself get too hungry or thirsty. I like sweet things and without the wine calories I could eat more as a substitute. It was helpful to have relaxation rituals like sitting down with a cup of tea instead of a glass of wine.
It's best if you avoid social events that include drinking for a while, but if you do go grab a big glass of soda early so you have something to drink right away. I found this really helped.
Have a think about why you drink, and when and then make a plan to avoid temptation. You can do it.
I promise that if you can get through a year sober you won't ever want to go back. My big goal was a year, but I divided it into weeks, months, 6 months etc, and enjoyed marking it off a calendar.
My first step was to see my doctor and tell him about how much I drank. I asked him what I'd be like in 10 years if I didn't stop. Boy that was an incentive all by itself. I also looked up stages of alcoholism online which was scary. Your doc might be able to help you deal with any anxiety in the first few months and it's good to have someone on your side.
I dealt with habits by making small changes, and I was careful not to let myself get too hungry or thirsty. I like sweet things and without the wine calories I could eat more as a substitute. It was helpful to have relaxation rituals like sitting down with a cup of tea instead of a glass of wine.
It's best if you avoid social events that include drinking for a while, but if you do go grab a big glass of soda early so you have something to drink right away. I found this really helped.
Have a think about why you drink, and when and then make a plan to avoid temptation. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, Kirky. As you can see, there is a lot of great advice and support to be found here.
For me, the critical first step in my recovery was the recognition, like it or not, that I will never be able to drink moderately. It is what defines us as alcoholics. Our on/off switch is broken. If it wasn't broken, we could stop at one or two drinks like "normal" drinkers do. But we aren't normal drinkers, are we? So, recognizing that sobriety is an all-or-nothing proposition for me was my necessary first step in getting and staying sober.
Once you clear that first hurdle, the next step is to formulate a plan for getting and staying sober. You will find lots of resources here at SR for doing that.
Then, once you start doing what you need to do to get and stay sober, come back here and post. Or go into the chat room if there is anyone in there. The chats can offer immediate feedback and support. And help you get past the difficult urges. Remember too HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). If you are having a particular difficult urge to drink, you are likely experiencing one or more of these conditions. If you can make those conditions go away, your urge to drink will likely subside as well.
Keep reading. Keep posting. Keep trying.
You can DO this.
For me, the critical first step in my recovery was the recognition, like it or not, that I will never be able to drink moderately. It is what defines us as alcoholics. Our on/off switch is broken. If it wasn't broken, we could stop at one or two drinks like "normal" drinkers do. But we aren't normal drinkers, are we? So, recognizing that sobriety is an all-or-nothing proposition for me was my necessary first step in getting and staying sober.
Once you clear that first hurdle, the next step is to formulate a plan for getting and staying sober. You will find lots of resources here at SR for doing that.
Then, once you start doing what you need to do to get and stay sober, come back here and post. Or go into the chat room if there is anyone in there. The chats can offer immediate feedback and support. And help you get past the difficult urges. Remember too HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). If you are having a particular difficult urge to drink, you are likely experiencing one or more of these conditions. If you can make those conditions go away, your urge to drink will likely subside as well.
Keep reading. Keep posting. Keep trying.
You can DO this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Manhattan, New York
Posts: 83
You guys have no idea. Ive been on here for only a couple hours and the comments Ive gotten so far have been so.. heartwarming and strong. I dont feel alone anymore. The chat room is great. It was nice to have people that understand the way I feel be so open and honest and it gives me hope.
I was told about a meeting later at 9pm and I will for sure be on. It really warms my soul that there is a place like this. A place that can help me start over. And I am so grateful for you all. You guys can really give me strength and I really appreciate your insight so far and just plainly believing in me.
I was told about a meeting later at 9pm and I will for sure be on. It really warms my soul that there is a place like this. A place that can help me start over. And I am so grateful for you all. You guys can really give me strength and I really appreciate your insight so far and just plainly believing in me.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Manhattan, New York
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Welcome to SR Kirky. Glad to hear you've made the decision to quit drinking, I think you will be very happy you did in the long run. Regarding "plans" there are many. At the end of my message is a link to a thread that describes many of the different "plans" that people use. Some people use multiple resources. You may need to try several before you find what works for you too.
Bottom line though is that none of them are going to be "easy". Hard work on your part and doing things that you most likely do not want to do ( not drinking for example ! ) will be required. But the work also provides benefits...to your physical well being and your state of mind.
SR itself can be a main component of a sobriety plan, it is definitely the case for me.
Bottom line though is that none of them are going to be "easy". Hard work on your part and doing things that you most likely do not want to do ( not drinking for example ! ) will be required. But the work also provides benefits...to your physical well being and your state of mind.
SR itself can be a main component of a sobriety plan, it is definitely the case for me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
I didnt quite know what life without alcohol would be like. I am 33, so kinda young, and a lot if not all my friends still drink pretty heavily, its what we did, and it was fun. So I wasnt quite sure what to expect. I didnt know if my friends would still accept me, and still want to hang out with me.
I got sober (90+days, then 40+ days, now Im on something like 20 days). Each one of those times, my friends didnt care I was sober, we still hung out. And what I did find out, was that most of the time (if not all of the time) there was someone else who wasnt drinking. I never really noticed that because I was too busy getting drunk. And I realized that I was one of the ones drinking a lot more than most of the other people.
That being said, when sober, I find myself a lot more productive. I am not hungover at least one full day on the weekend, and I can enjoy myself without feeling like I am going to be sick. What an awful feeling that is. What an awful life that is to be sick on the weekends and because of your own doing. I forgot what it was like to actually get up in the mornings on a Saturday, eat breakfast, and enjoy my morning instead of trying to roll over and go back to sleep because I was feeling awful.
Thinking about the way I felt, makes me kind of sick now just reliving those moments. Ugh. I never want to feel that like again, and I DONT HAVE TO. Its my choice what I want to do, and its my choice to feel great the next day and not be hung over.
Im not in college anymore, there is no reason to drink like I did. There arent anymore raging parties, I have a family and responsibilities. I dont need it and I dont want it. I want to live my life instead of just exist in it. Thats my choice, and you can make the same one. Its up to you and us as individuals. What choice will you make next time? Try taking the sober path. See what happens, and see how you feel. I am almost 100% positive that you will be happy with that choice. We, as sober individuals, still have fun, can still enjoy life, still go out and do things. We just do it now without alcohol.
What will you choose to do? Its up to you. And its only up to you. Welcome to the forum.
I got sober (90+days, then 40+ days, now Im on something like 20 days). Each one of those times, my friends didnt care I was sober, we still hung out. And what I did find out, was that most of the time (if not all of the time) there was someone else who wasnt drinking. I never really noticed that because I was too busy getting drunk. And I realized that I was one of the ones drinking a lot more than most of the other people.
That being said, when sober, I find myself a lot more productive. I am not hungover at least one full day on the weekend, and I can enjoy myself without feeling like I am going to be sick. What an awful feeling that is. What an awful life that is to be sick on the weekends and because of your own doing. I forgot what it was like to actually get up in the mornings on a Saturday, eat breakfast, and enjoy my morning instead of trying to roll over and go back to sleep because I was feeling awful.
Thinking about the way I felt, makes me kind of sick now just reliving those moments. Ugh. I never want to feel that like again, and I DONT HAVE TO. Its my choice what I want to do, and its my choice to feel great the next day and not be hung over.
Im not in college anymore, there is no reason to drink like I did. There arent anymore raging parties, I have a family and responsibilities. I dont need it and I dont want it. I want to live my life instead of just exist in it. Thats my choice, and you can make the same one. Its up to you and us as individuals. What choice will you make next time? Try taking the sober path. See what happens, and see how you feel. I am almost 100% positive that you will be happy with that choice. We, as sober individuals, still have fun, can still enjoy life, still go out and do things. We just do it now without alcohol.
What will you choose to do? Its up to you. And its only up to you. Welcome to the forum.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Kirky! As you've already found out there's a ton of support here at SR.
You can absolutely make this change if you want to. It does take work and will power, but the outcome is totally worth the energy you put into being sober.
I spent 2 decades drinking every day. Good for you on wanting to make this change early in your life. I promise you won't regret the decision. You will adjust to a new life that doesn't revolve around drinking.
Welcome and lean on us as much as you need.
You can absolutely make this change if you want to. It does take work and will power, but the outcome is totally worth the energy you put into being sober.
I spent 2 decades drinking every day. Good for you on wanting to make this change early in your life. I promise you won't regret the decision. You will adjust to a new life that doesn't revolve around drinking.
Welcome and lean on us as much as you need.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 139
I had been sober for 100 + hours, I have to break down to hours. Then I drank. Bc I wanted to escape for a few hours. I meet with a therapist twice a week, I spend loads of cash on a personal trainer. I can do this, I can be sober. My therapist said its an allergy. I am allergic to alcohol. If I was allergic to peanuts, I wouldn't eat just a few, bc I would die. Thats how I have to look at alcohol. There is scientific research that shows our alcoholic brain has higher levels of various chemicals that "normal" people don't have.
I am 37 years old. I have a 6 yr old. I was puled over twice in one day and managed to get off. Ive pushed my boyfriend away, my friends, my family. How did I get here? How did this all happen?
Once i find those answers I can find myself.
I am 37 years old. I have a 6 yr old. I was puled over twice in one day and managed to get off. Ive pushed my boyfriend away, my friends, my family. How did I get here? How did this all happen?
Once i find those answers I can find myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Manhattan, New York
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by julesonya
My therapist said its an allergy. I am allergic to alcohol. If I was allergic to peanuts, I wouldn't eat just a few, bc I would die. Thats how I have to look at alcohol. There is scientific research that shows our alcoholic brain has higher levels of various chemicals that "normal" people don't have.
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