1st time poster needs advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2
1st time poster needs advice
So i used to drink alot when i was younger. When i got married i slowed my drinking down to a reasonable level. I was still getting pretty wasted at BBQs or football or just hanging out with friends. I was getting a little drunk during the work week when i got home but not consistently and very seldom would i go in with a hangover the next day.
My wife and family recently moved and i've been unemployed for the past 3 months. she told me i should take a vacation for a while and figure out where i want my career to go. we now live in a house that is pretty far off the beaten path and im alone all day when she's at work and the kids are at school and found myself drinking heavier and heavier. i started getting aggressive (not violent) and just being a general ***** to her and our kids. i didnt realize but it affected her so much she started not wanting to come home from work. we talked about it and i told her i would stop drinking for a while because i didnt know that it was affecting everyone like that.
now, i went for about a week without drinking. we went to meet up with a friend of ours the other day at a local casino and she suggested that i have some drinks. i did have about 4 whiskeys and everything was fine. the next day i went to another friends house to help him with some property maintenance on his farm and had some more drinks and was pretty drunk when i got home.
I stopped drinking hours before i went to bed and wrestled to get to sleep all night. when i woke up this morning i had (and am still having) spurts of really really bad anxiety. i dont want to completely stop drinking. i realize that i have issues if i let myself get out of control but i have gotten it to a point in my life that it was controlled before and im confident that i can do that again. what im worried about is this 'hangover anxiety'. i have had it before when i would get REALLY drunk but never when i drank this little.
I guess i want to know if this is normal for other people.
are there other people here who can drink in moderation and still be ok?
and i guess im posting because ive never felt that i need to talk to somebody about this before and i dont have anyone in the real world who i feel like i can talk to.
My wife and family recently moved and i've been unemployed for the past 3 months. she told me i should take a vacation for a while and figure out where i want my career to go. we now live in a house that is pretty far off the beaten path and im alone all day when she's at work and the kids are at school and found myself drinking heavier and heavier. i started getting aggressive (not violent) and just being a general ***** to her and our kids. i didnt realize but it affected her so much she started not wanting to come home from work. we talked about it and i told her i would stop drinking for a while because i didnt know that it was affecting everyone like that.
now, i went for about a week without drinking. we went to meet up with a friend of ours the other day at a local casino and she suggested that i have some drinks. i did have about 4 whiskeys and everything was fine. the next day i went to another friends house to help him with some property maintenance on his farm and had some more drinks and was pretty drunk when i got home.
I stopped drinking hours before i went to bed and wrestled to get to sleep all night. when i woke up this morning i had (and am still having) spurts of really really bad anxiety. i dont want to completely stop drinking. i realize that i have issues if i let myself get out of control but i have gotten it to a point in my life that it was controlled before and im confident that i can do that again. what im worried about is this 'hangover anxiety'. i have had it before when i would get REALLY drunk but never when i drank this little.
I guess i want to know if this is normal for other people.
are there other people here who can drink in moderation and still be ok?
and i guess im posting because ive never felt that i need to talk to somebody about this before and i dont have anyone in the real world who i feel like i can talk to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
That anxiety is withdrawals.
If you have gotten to this point, it's not likely you're going to be able to moderate your drinking. I can't tell you how many times I tried that. It would work for a while, but I would go back to heavy drinking to stave off that anxiety.
This site is a sobriety website and there is a lot of support here if you want to stop drinking. Now would be a good time since you can go through the hard physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual work without having to be accountable to a regular job.
Welcome to the forums! We're glad you're here.
It's a lot better on the abstinence side.
If you have gotten to this point, it's not likely you're going to be able to moderate your drinking. I can't tell you how many times I tried that. It would work for a while, but I would go back to heavy drinking to stave off that anxiety.
This site is a sobriety website and there is a lot of support here if you want to stop drinking. Now would be a good time since you can go through the hard physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual work without having to be accountable to a regular job.
Welcome to the forums! We're glad you're here.
It's a lot better on the abstinence side.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by marlbeer 
i dont want to completely stop drinking.
Seems like it's causing problems with your marriage and concerns about your health. What is it about continuing to drink that is so valuable that you need to put up with things being bad and risk them getting worse?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Yeah, the anxiety is withdrawal symptom.
Not to be a downer, but if you continue drinking, it will most likely just get worse. After a nice weekend of drinking, you'll wake up shaking, sweating, heart palpitations, and neat things like that.
Then if you still keep drinking after that, there's a chance it'll progressively get worse until you have a wake up call -- pancreatitis, seizure, something like that.
Not to be a downer, but if you continue drinking, it will most likely just get worse. After a nice weekend of drinking, you'll wake up shaking, sweating, heart palpitations, and neat things like that.
Then if you still keep drinking after that, there's a chance it'll progressively get worse until you have a wake up call -- pancreatitis, seizure, something like that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2
That anxiety is withdrawals.
If you have gotten to this point, it's not likely you're going to be able to moderate your drinking.
If you have gotten to this point, it's not likely you're going to be able to moderate your drinking.
Why not?
i have tried this argument with other people in the past and have almost always been told that this is stupid or something along those lines and i dont expect anyone to agree with that statement. but it is how i feel and has always been my reason for not quitting all together. i feel like there has to be a happy middle ground between abstinence and raging drunk.
and before i start sounding too much like im in denial of having a problem, i do realize now for the first time in almost forever that i do have a drinking problem. i have done bad things, i have gotten in trouble and i have hurt people around me. but alcohol has always been fun. i have had plenty of good times getting drunk and being ridiculous and connecting with people on a level that i might not otherwise be able to.
i do appreciate the help so far and if these arent the right forums for what im trying to please let me know.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Of course you're welcome to stay. SR is for everyone.
Many people here have tried moderation, including myself many times, and very seldom will you find a story from someone about how they were able to successfully moderate.
Personally, I only seem to be able to moderate for about a week until I'm back at it. Some people have successfully moderated for months or even years at a time, but everyone always seems to end up back at square 1, drinking just as much if not more than they previously did.
Then all that misery and those problems come back, the withdrawals get worse, people closest to you continue to get hurt, until you've finally had enough.
Whatever you decide, I hope you stick around, and keep us updated on how you're doing.
Many people here have tried moderation, including myself many times, and very seldom will you find a story from someone about how they were able to successfully moderate.
Personally, I only seem to be able to moderate for about a week until I'm back at it. Some people have successfully moderated for months or even years at a time, but everyone always seems to end up back at square 1, drinking just as much if not more than they previously did.
Then all that misery and those problems come back, the withdrawals get worse, people closest to you continue to get hurt, until you've finally had enough.
Whatever you decide, I hope you stick around, and keep us updated on how you're doing.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Everyone is welcome here, and I appreciate you answering the question. Most people ignore it when I ask.
If I had a magic wand that would convince you otherwise I'd wave it in your direction. Based on my observations of the past 30+months very few people who have a problem with alcohol find that middle ground you seek. Nearly all find a bunch more misery. I include myself in that number.
I also include myself in the number who had to find out the hard way. No one could have convinced me not to try to find that elusive middle ground.
If you have a change of heart, just keep in mind that total abstinence isn't nearly as bad as you might think. I can do anything I want. Or I can drink. I just can't do both.
Be well!
Originally Posted by marlbeer
i feel like there has to be a happy middle ground between abstinence and raging drunk.
I also include myself in the number who had to find out the hard way. No one could have convinced me not to try to find that elusive middle ground.
If you have a change of heart, just keep in mind that total abstinence isn't nearly as bad as you might think. I can do anything I want. Or I can drink. I just can't do both.
Be well!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
It sounds like alcohol is causing you problems in your life. Your family notices and is upset. It seems like it would be a good idea to stop drinking completely. Moderating is darn near impossible for addicts, though most of us have tried. And, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Marlbeer. You aren't going to find a ton of support here for moderation. The problem is all of us here have a problem with alcohol. The people who can successfully moderate don't have a problem... they are normal and can take or leave drinking.
I can't take or leave drinking. I either drink in excess or can't drink at all. I tried for years to control my intake until I finally gave up on controlling and just drank as much as I wanted each day. That turned into drinking around the clock. I never thought I would get to that point, but I did and I rationalized that starting earlier and earlier was ok! Scary thought now that I look back at my life.
This disease is progressive. What you may perceive as being fun to you now might be getting worse and worse with each passing day. It sounds to me like alcohol is negatively impacting your life and your family's lives. I bet if you look back at your history, the negative impacts are getting more frequent and worse with time.
I drank heavily and daily for over two decades. My life revolved around drinking, literally everything i did, I did while drinking. I was terrified when I found this site and decided I had a chance to quit, that I wasn't alone in this battle and that my story wasn't as unique as I had thought. Terrified because all I knew was drinking, I didn't know how to function with alcohol... or so I thought.
Bottom line is you can not only make this change, but re-define what you consider as fun. I will bet you that if you give it some time and dig deep, you will have just as much fun and enjoyment without drinking as you do when you are drinking.
At least that's what I found. I am a much better person, dad and husband when I'm not drinking. I love the simplicity of being sober. You never know when you will run out of tomorrows.
Glad you found us!
I can't take or leave drinking. I either drink in excess or can't drink at all. I tried for years to control my intake until I finally gave up on controlling and just drank as much as I wanted each day. That turned into drinking around the clock. I never thought I would get to that point, but I did and I rationalized that starting earlier and earlier was ok! Scary thought now that I look back at my life.
This disease is progressive. What you may perceive as being fun to you now might be getting worse and worse with each passing day. It sounds to me like alcohol is negatively impacting your life and your family's lives. I bet if you look back at your history, the negative impacts are getting more frequent and worse with time.
I drank heavily and daily for over two decades. My life revolved around drinking, literally everything i did, I did while drinking. I was terrified when I found this site and decided I had a chance to quit, that I wasn't alone in this battle and that my story wasn't as unique as I had thought. Terrified because all I knew was drinking, I didn't know how to function with alcohol... or so I thought.
Bottom line is you can not only make this change, but re-define what you consider as fun. I will bet you that if you give it some time and dig deep, you will have just as much fun and enjoyment without drinking as you do when you are drinking.
At least that's what I found. I am a much better person, dad and husband when I'm not drinking. I love the simplicity of being sober. You never know when you will run out of tomorrows.
Glad you found us!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
What we want to do and what we need to do are 2 separate things, sometimes we can't have both, for me I needed to quit drinking as alcohol was causing problems in my life and I needed to take the necessary steps to deal with that.
Either way you'll find loads of support here on SR!! Welcome to the Forum!!
Either way you'll find loads of support here on SR!! Welcome to the Forum!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 132
Originally Posted by marlbeer
and before i start sounding too much like im in denial of having a problem, i do realize now for the first time in almost forever that i do have a drinking problem. i have done bad things, i have gotten in trouble and i have hurt people around me. but alcohol has always been fun. i have had plenty of good times getting drunk and being ridiculous and connecting with people on a level that i might not otherwise be able to.
i do appreciate the help so far and if these arent the right forums for what im trying to please let me know.
i do appreciate the help so far and if these arent the right forums for what im trying to please let me know.
Sounds like your wife and family aren't super thrilled with your 'alcohol' identity right now and they're the ones that love you the most.
People that actively seek moderation probably cannot obtain it. Those who can succeed with moderation just DO, they don't need to try.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Welcome marlbeer
I think nearly everyone here can identify with drinking being part of our identity.
For 20 years I defined myself by my drinking.
Funny thing was I didn't like my identity too much.
I'd wake up hungover and anxious and I'd look at my face in the mirror and turn away in disgust.
Getting sober and staying that way really helped me find the real me.
It opened up my life in a way I couldn't have thought possible.
I also agree that if drinking is bringing this anxiety in its wake, its a sign you've stepped up a level and it's not likely to get better.
But hey - it's your call
Whatever you decide to do, don't get into the habit of drinking to make the day pass by - I wasted decades - get out & do something productive man...hobbies, interests, chores, volunteering in your community...find some meaning in the day to day stuff
D
I think nearly everyone here can identify with drinking being part of our identity.
For 20 years I defined myself by my drinking.
Funny thing was I didn't like my identity too much.
I'd wake up hungover and anxious and I'd look at my face in the mirror and turn away in disgust.
Getting sober and staying that way really helped me find the real me.
It opened up my life in a way I couldn't have thought possible.
I also agree that if drinking is bringing this anxiety in its wake, its a sign you've stepped up a level and it's not likely to get better.
But hey - it's your call
Whatever you decide to do, don't get into the habit of drinking to make the day pass by - I wasted decades - get out & do something productive man...hobbies, interests, chores, volunteering in your community...find some meaning in the day to day stuff
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
I'm so glad to meet you, marlbeer. I was unsure of what to do when I first signed on here. I hope talking things over with us will help you take the action that's needed. Welcome!
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