Feeling suicidal
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Sydney
Posts: 88
Feeling suicidal
Hey Guys
I have been MIA for a while now.. I have 64 days and its been an absolute rollercoaster the last few weeks..
A lot ha been going on "life on life terms"and I don't have my crutch anymore and its becoming so hard to deal with.
My jb is becoming way to much to handle my sponsor thinks I need to take a stress lave but I'm so worried Ill become even more stressed out about money.. its really starting to affect my recovery because I have been crying for an hour stewing in the self pity and wanting to use I have been obsessing about taking my life and have caused myself some harm through self injurious behaviours
I am feeling too much
I have been MIA for a while now.. I have 64 days and its been an absolute rollercoaster the last few weeks..
A lot ha been going on "life on life terms"and I don't have my crutch anymore and its becoming so hard to deal with.
My jb is becoming way to much to handle my sponsor thinks I need to take a stress lave but I'm so worried Ill become even more stressed out about money.. its really starting to affect my recovery because I have been crying for an hour stewing in the self pity and wanting to use I have been obsessing about taking my life and have caused myself some harm through self injurious behaviours
I am feeling too much
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Hi,
If you feel suicidal you need to dial 911...
If you can get over that then you still probably need to see a Dr. Asap.
I understand about worry about your job. At least you are not drunk. That is a major win.
Now you have tons of anxiety. Eat, drink water, take multi vit., vit b12 sup, omega 3...rest...repeat...
My anxiety got way better...a little better every day...or so...right now it is almost gone...
What you feel is likely normal....but you are missing the mind altering effects of the booze...
You probably are not going crazy...
If you feel suicidal you need to dial 911...
If you can get over that then you still probably need to see a Dr. Asap.
I understand about worry about your job. At least you are not drunk. That is a major win.
Now you have tons of anxiety. Eat, drink water, take multi vit., vit b12 sup, omega 3...rest...repeat...
My anxiety got way better...a little better every day...or so...right now it is almost gone...
What you feel is likely normal....but you are missing the mind altering effects of the booze...
You probably are not going crazy...
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 359
Please go see a therapist as soon as possible. This is no good for you, and the alternative is no better - if you are stateside there should be county mental health available through the health department if money is an issue.
Talk to someone who knows exactly what you need to help you
Talk to someone who knows exactly what you need to help you
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Mary, I am sorry to hear you are struggling.
Perhaps it's time to call emergency services, local crisis hotline or visit the hospital if you are feeling like hurting yourself.
Please know we all care about you here at SR, and having 64 days sober is a great accomplishment!
Perhaps it's time to call emergency services, local crisis hotline or visit the hospital if you are feeling like hurting yourself.
Please know we all care about you here at SR, and having 64 days sober is a great accomplishment!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Mary, do you have a paid medical leave at your job? Not sure how it works in Australia but stress leave/medical leave are same here in U.S. and totally confidential.
Is there a friend close by you can call right now to come over? Can you put in an emergency call to your physician or a helpline? People care about you Mary.
Is there a friend close by you can call right now to come over? Can you put in an emergency call to your physician or a helpline? People care about you Mary.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I'm sorry you're feeling low Mary.
Please do have a read through this link - there';s a lot of helpline numbers in there, as well as some really useful reading and links to other online help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
you're not alone here - we're here to help, too
Keep talking to us
D
Please do have a read through this link - there';s a lot of helpline numbers in there, as well as some really useful reading and links to other online help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
you're not alone here - we're here to help, too
Keep talking to us
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Mary, we are so glad you reached out. Please check back in with us and let us know how you are doing. Have you been able to call someone? I know that is scary, making a call like that, but you reached out here, take the next step and get some face to face support. It sounds like a critical moment right now. Get some immediate help to keep you calm right now and then you can speak to your doctor about the possibility of some medication or supplements to help with your anxiety and stress.
Thinking of you Mary, please update us when you can.
Thinking of you Mary, please update us when you can.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Mary.
I am sorry you are going through this.
I certainly can relate to what you feel because I was suicidal at some point, and, honestly, "those" that haven't left me completely yet.
I know the pain. I know that kind of pain when every cell inside the body hurts, when something beyond what I can recognize hurts ( I am strongly not religious, so I deliberately avoid saying "soul" here). And since it's impossible to grasp this what hurts, it's easier to harm my physical body, distract pain there, and deal with physical pain - because I know how.
Been there, Mary, way too many times, and still no guarantee or immunity against this recurring pain.
Anyway...
I absolutely second all the advice above.
And I will add my 2 cents too.
As scary, and dark, and terrifying this feeling is, it can be liberating in some way.
As I see it these thoughts occur when the life becomes so painful that there is no escape other than into Unknown.
And that means that there is time for change. And that Unknown can be something other than leaving this life.
It can be letting go. Of all the worries. Just for today. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. And what if I am gone tomorrow? No worries, no ifs, no need to drag ugly luggage of the past there. Tomorrow all the score of life will be zero.
And, somehow, from this point of view, lots of pain goes away. And when you give yourself this "sneak" into this freedom, it gives hope, and shows a new way to live.
I don't know, if it makes any sense at all. It just what helps me at the moments when I don't care about anything but escape from unbearable pain.
Give TODAY a chance - pain doesn't live here.
Hugs and good vibes to you, Mary.
Hang in here - this place is awesome. It would take me a book of "the Forsyte Saga" volume to tell about all the times folks here helped me.
Stay here. Stay sober.
I am sorry you are going through this.
I certainly can relate to what you feel because I was suicidal at some point, and, honestly, "those" that haven't left me completely yet.
I know the pain. I know that kind of pain when every cell inside the body hurts, when something beyond what I can recognize hurts ( I am strongly not religious, so I deliberately avoid saying "soul" here). And since it's impossible to grasp this what hurts, it's easier to harm my physical body, distract pain there, and deal with physical pain - because I know how.
Been there, Mary, way too many times, and still no guarantee or immunity against this recurring pain.
Anyway...
I absolutely second all the advice above.
And I will add my 2 cents too.
As scary, and dark, and terrifying this feeling is, it can be liberating in some way.
As I see it these thoughts occur when the life becomes so painful that there is no escape other than into Unknown.
And that means that there is time for change. And that Unknown can be something other than leaving this life.
It can be letting go. Of all the worries. Just for today. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. And what if I am gone tomorrow? No worries, no ifs, no need to drag ugly luggage of the past there. Tomorrow all the score of life will be zero.
And, somehow, from this point of view, lots of pain goes away. And when you give yourself this "sneak" into this freedom, it gives hope, and shows a new way to live.
I don't know, if it makes any sense at all. It just what helps me at the moments when I don't care about anything but escape from unbearable pain.
Give TODAY a chance - pain doesn't live here.
Hugs and good vibes to you, Mary.
Hang in here - this place is awesome. It would take me a book of "the Forsyte Saga" volume to tell about all the times folks here helped me.
Stay here. Stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 102
Wow, nice way to look at feelings of suicide/pain
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue 
Hi, Mary.
I am sorry you are going through this.
I certainly can relate to what you feel because I was suicidal at some point, and, honestly, "those" that haven't left me completely yet.
I know the pain. I know that kind of pain when every cell inside the body hurts, when something beyond what I can recognize hurts ( I am strongly not religious, so I deliberately avoid saying "soul" here). And since it's impossible to grasp this what hurts, it's easier to harm my physical body, distract pain there, and deal with physical pain - because I know how.
Been there, Mary, way too many times, and still no guarantee or immunity against this recurring pain.
Anyway...
I absolutely second all the advice above.
And I will add my 2 cents too.
As scary, and dark, and terrifying this feeling is, it can be liberating in some way.
As I see it these thoughts occur when the life becomes so painful that there is no escape other than into Unknown.
And that means that there is time for change. And that Unknown can be something other than leaving this life.
It can be letting go. Of all the worries. Just for today. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. And what if I am gone tomorrow? No worries, no ifs, no need to drag ugly luggage of the past there. Tomorrow all the score of life will be zero.
And, somehow, from this point of view, lots of pain goes away. And when you give yourself this "sneak" into this freedom, it gives hope, and shows a new way to live.
I don't know, if it makes any sense at all. It just what helps me at the moments when I don't care about anything but escape from unbearable pain.
Give TODAY a chance - pain doesn't live here.
Hugs and good vibes to you, Mary.
Hang in here - this place is awesome. It would take me a book of "the Forsyte Saga" volume to tell about all the times folks here helped me.
Stay here. Stay sober.
I am sorry you are going through this.
I certainly can relate to what you feel because I was suicidal at some point, and, honestly, "those" that haven't left me completely yet.
I know the pain. I know that kind of pain when every cell inside the body hurts, when something beyond what I can recognize hurts ( I am strongly not religious, so I deliberately avoid saying "soul" here). And since it's impossible to grasp this what hurts, it's easier to harm my physical body, distract pain there, and deal with physical pain - because I know how.
Been there, Mary, way too many times, and still no guarantee or immunity against this recurring pain.
Anyway...
I absolutely second all the advice above.
And I will add my 2 cents too.
As scary, and dark, and terrifying this feeling is, it can be liberating in some way.
As I see it these thoughts occur when the life becomes so painful that there is no escape other than into Unknown.
And that means that there is time for change. And that Unknown can be something other than leaving this life.
It can be letting go. Of all the worries. Just for today. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. And what if I am gone tomorrow? No worries, no ifs, no need to drag ugly luggage of the past there. Tomorrow all the score of life will be zero.
And, somehow, from this point of view, lots of pain goes away. And when you give yourself this "sneak" into this freedom, it gives hope, and shows a new way to live.
I don't know, if it makes any sense at all. It just what helps me at the moments when I don't care about anything but escape from unbearable pain.
Give TODAY a chance - pain doesn't live here.
Hugs and good vibes to you, Mary.
Hang in here - this place is awesome. It would take me a book of "the Forsyte Saga" volume to tell about all the times folks here helped me.
Stay here. Stay sober.
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