LTD30

My 31 year-old brother has been unemployed for six years after he dropped out of graduate school. Currently, he lives with my parents where he has no car, is uninsured, and refuses to apply for public benefits. His hygiene is pretty poor. Most of his days are spent staying up late on the internet and probably sneaking alcohol. He has had "the shakes" off and on for years. He claims it is "just stress." I believe that it is alcohol withdrawal.

My parents are becoming more and more agitated with the living situation and are now open to giving him an ultimatum as a family. However, I will be the one leading the intervention if we do so. My parents aren't emotionally mature/objective enough to plan or lead this. I am becoming very overwhelmed with the prospect of approaching my brother as a family. I am an adult and live in a different town as my parents. My situation is further complicated by the fact that my mom is an alcoholic but denies it because she holds down a job. I really want to step back and do nothing but I won't be at peace with myself if I don't try. Feel free to share your experiences. Where do I start?

happybeingme

Interventions are extremely rare. You should consult a professional for help. Interventions are usually the final offer of help. The consequences of which go to rehab or get out. You also need to have an in hospital detox set up with enrollment in a long term rehab for immediately following.
Good luck

LTD30

Thank you! By professional, do you mean a licensed alcohol and drug treatment counselor? or are there other options?

DesertEyes

Hello LTD, and pleased to "meet" you

Yes. Grab your phone book yellow pages and find hospitals in your area that provide "Addiction" treatment. Call them all up and ask to speak with an "intake counselor". See which hospitals include a "family program" so that you, and your parents, can obtain education on addiction and how best to help.

There's a wide variety of options in hospital treatment, so it is worth it to shop around and find a good "fit".

Mike
Moderator, SR

happybeingme

Yes LTD that is what I meant. I don't have any personal experience with intervention and I have never even watched the show. So, I can only suggest getting a professional in. There are resources on this sight and probably state agencies as well that can help point you in the right direction.

redatlanta

Yes get a professional don't take this on yourself. I would be as supportive as I could be while being as hands off as possible at the same time. Ultimately, brother is their problem not yours, and he is only their problem because they have allowed him to live there. Show them the options and make sure its not just you making the decisions about what will be done.

atalose

I think the biggest hurdle in approaching your brother will be your mother’s denial of her own drinking.

How does a 31 year old man with no job and living with his parents get alcohol in the first place – which then brings you right back to your mom and her drinking, alcohol is available to him.

Since you do not live in the home, it can only be up to your parents to issue an ultimatum to him. Having a family ultimatum takes responsibility off your parents and sucks you into it.

How about you talk with him one on one about how his drinking makes you feel, how his not taking care of himself makes you feel and allow your parents the responsibility they should have regarding their home and how him living there is affecting them.

FireSprite

I would start with education for yourself & anyone else in the family that is receptive. I thought I knew a lot about addiction but dealing with it face-to-face is far different than dealing with it in theory. This site is a great resource & I would also check into local support groups so I could talk to others dealing with similar issues.

I would definitely consult a professional to assist in an intervention. It's rarely effective & never the dramatic come-to-Jesus moment that they show on tv. Your mom's situation makes it an even tougher challenge and all the more reason for the rest of you to be armed with as much understanding & education about addiction as you get. For me, simply understanding the Roles in An Alcoholic Family was a huge AHA moment.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-family.html

LTD30

I haven't posted on here for a while, but I wanted to thank you all for answering my questions and providing guidance. It has alleviated some of the pressure I am feeling.