awholenewlife52

Hello all,

This is my first post here in a long while.

I am on day 28 of sobriety after a horrid time of drinking during August. I am sure this time that I will not return to drinking as I suffered so much on the last go (mostly with anxiety) that I am terrified to ever feel like that again. I just can't go through that again. I feel passionate about maintaining my sobriety in a way I never have before.

My bizarre question is something which I know is silly but which is driving me crazy. I attend a sports club (this is good exercise and a great help in maintaining my sobriety) and when we return to the club house after our session, the bar staff always leave jugs of ice cold water and plastic cups for us to help ourselves. A few nights ago I was at the club and helped myself to a glass of water. I downed it quickly and remember how refreshing it was and I remember getting that brain freeze thing that you get when you eat or drink something very cold too quickly.

I thought nothing of it and went home. Lying in bed watching TV later, a mad thought popped into my head - 'what if there was vodka in that jug of water? '. Now, rationally I know that there's no way that there was vodka in it. I've drank enough vodka in the past to know that I would have tasted it right away, for a start. Also, it is extremely unlikely that the club bar is going to give away free vodka in big jugs like that, plus they know that many people drive home afterwards. Also one of my fellow attendees was there with a child who I am sure was drinking from the jug, so they would hardly be drinking alcohol. I also know for sure that I in no way felt drunk afterwards.

So why am I driving myself crazy worrying about this? I am trying to look on it as a positive thing that the fact I am so horrified at the thought of accidentally drinking alcohol means that I am on a solid path to sobriety this time.

Is this just my mind playing tricks on me as it recovers its equilibrium? Has anyone else experienced something similar? I thought this would be a good place to get answers and I look forward to joining in here again.

Many thanks in advance for any replies.

Meraviglioso

Hi there, I am really sorry to read that you have been suffering so much over this. I feel certain that you would have noticed if you drank a cup of vodka instead of water. You would taste it, smell it and feel the effects afterwards- especially since you had just come in from physical activity. In addition don't you think someone else would have noticed and said something "uh, is this vodka???" Surely someone in your group would have noticed it, found it strange and said something out loud about it.

What I would be more concerned about is your excessive worry and stress over this. I would suggest trying to get to the bottom of that. This time it is a "good" worry, in that you want to be sure you did not drink alcohol. But next time it could be a "bad" worry- stress at work, problems with a personal relationship, the sickness of a loved one- and that severe stress and worry might become a trigger to drink.

Relax over the water jug though, no way a sports club would put out a jug of vodka !

Bird615

I can't recall this ever happening to me, but if it did, I would think it was my mind. It will take some time to recover from all the alcohol I soaked it with and weird stuff is bound to happen. If it became a regular thing then I would think about getting that checked out.

Congratulations on reaching 28 days!

Fly N Buy

For me those thoughts were coming out of the insanity that goes along with being an alcoholic!

As we sober up our synapses are popping like crazy - all kinds of weird thoughts come into our heads. I know that was true for me.

We have a saying in program I attend - if you want it out, shout it out - or perhaps share it out in this case. It's great we post our bizarre ideations for ourselves and others - I think it lets us know we are not alone or unique.

Well done on 28 days
keep coming back

awholenewlife52

Thanks for your replies, that is much appreciated!

Meraviglioso - yes, I do have anxiety issues. They have been made worse by drinking but were pre existing too and I am working with my doctor on this, hopefully I can get this anxiety sorted out.

I think this anxiety over the jug of water is a part of my general anxiety, and comes from a desire to get sobriety right this time.

It was helpful to write it out too, it has helped me to see how ridiculous I'm being.

Meraviglioso

It's not ridiculous, don't think I was implying that. I guess a lot of worries could be categorized as "ridiculous" but they are very real to the person experiencing them, I would never want to make light of that.
I just wanted to lay out a few clear observations regarding the situation. Sometimes, even if you have gone over the same things in your head, it helps to hear it from an outside source.
I'm glad to hear you are getting help for your anxiety. I suffer from anxiety also and it is no fun.

awholenewlife52

No worries, Meraviglioso, I didn't think you were making light of it at all!

You're so right, anxiety is absolutely no fun. I'm hoping sobriety will help sort it out too.

PennyLane76

I am not surprised by any mind tricks in early sobriety, its not ridiculous. Its AV using any trick to bring on that anxiety that led you to drink. Its like you had a drinking dream but in awake state. Anxiety also led my way to alcoholism, and with sobriety and a good psych my anxiety plummeted. Best to you!

InTheEnd

I can sort of understand. I went out the other night for dinner with friends (one of my first times since sober). I did great, had water while they had their drinks of choice.

But the next morning I woke up, thought I was hungover and had to remind myself I didn't drink. Throughout the entire day, many times when I thought of the night before, my chest would get tight, guilt would set in.......thinking I drank! I really had to remind myself all day long I didn't drink!

I chalk it up to wanting sobriety so bad that we need to be absolutely sure that nothing has gone wrong accidentally? Or maybe on some level we can't believe it's true, that we're really sober? I don't know....

Anyway, congrats to you for 28 days!

freshstart57

I can smell open liquor from five yards, and I bet you can too. I found that just doing something, anything, helps with anxiety.

awholenewlife52

In The End, that is exactly how I've been feeling!

Thanks for all the replies and understanding, folks, you are a great help.

ast1

Congratulations on 28

tomsteve

i had times i had some pretty crazy "what if" questions, quite a few about walkjng by all the alcohol at the grocery store.
would dwell on em and get bent because i thought i shouldnt have em.
talked to a man about it. two things he said:
yer powerless over thoughts that come into your melon, but your not powerless over your actions. its gonna take action on your part to get drunk.

why not try answering the questions?

pretty wild i was able to come up withndifferent outcomes and yet they didnt matter because it wasnt reality.


so ,maybe try answering the question?

Eddiebuckle

It's the sort of thing that happens to all of us eventually. The takeaway I would suggest is this: never assume what you are about to drink is non-alcoholic. I've only been "surprised" once in almost six years of sobriety, but it rocked me when I realized the tea I was served had bourbon in it (I spit it back into the glass as inconspicuously as I could). If you didn't pour it yourself or it didn't come from a sealed container, sniff before you drink.

Anna

I have GAD and it sounds like something that might happen to me occasionally. Logically you know that there was no alcohol in the jug of water, but that doesn't stop your mind from taking over at times.

ZeldaFan

Sounds like the kind of thing I would end up worrying about myself. I remember in my first run of sobriety, I had about 40-ish days and it was around Christmas time. Everyone at work brought in treats and I ate a brownie. I immediately realized it had rum in it. Why on earth someone would bring in rum infused brownies to an office was beyond me and really made me upset. But I didn't do it on purpose and got rid of it right away. I had another five or so months sober before I relapsed so the brownie didn't do the damage.

Now that I'm back on the sober road again, I can't help but sniff everything before I eat it unless I prepared it myself. I also remember having vivid dreams I slipped and drank and then waking up in a panic.

In your case, I'm sure it was just water

Dee74

It good to see you back awholenewlife.

I hope you can put the jug of water thing behind you - if it was vodka and not labelled as such? the club would be legally liable in so many ways.

It wasn't vodka

D

awholenewlife52

Thanks Dee, you are so right!

Thanks to everyone for your responses, you have really helped me.