Rio97

I posted a few days ago about a family event that I'm supposed to go to this weekend. I just let my mother know I'm not going. Naturally she flipped out. But I have to do what's best for me.

I just read an article about getting out of toxic relationships. It's said you reach an age, 36 it said, where you just don't put up with people's BS anymore. It rang true for me.

Anyway, just needed to get this out because I'm in a lot of turmoil. I feel guilty, but only because of their guilt-trip. Day 16 sober, and for the sake of my sobriety, it's just best I don't go to this event.

Kallistia

Stay true to you, only you know what is best for you.

Also - may I suggest some reading material? There is a book called "Toxic Parents" (can't recall the author) that helped me tremendously with being able to handle my parents several years back.

Anna

You're doing the right thing.

I also got to the point where I made my feelings the priority, over family issues. It actually felt fantastic to do so. Life is too short for toxic relationships.

teatreeoil007

I know how you feel Rio..

endlesspatience

It's probably a short term situation. I was in an AA meeting tonight where a lot of people with long term sobriety talked about how family relationships have improved. It takes a while to win back trust.

Dee74

Sounds good Rio

D

FreeOwl

nice work.... well done honoring your sobriety and your own inner voice.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 16

Reset

If that was the right decision for you, stand by it. Your mom will get over it.

Rio97

It was a difficult decision. It really makes me realize how much this triggers me to drink. I'm not gonna lie, my buttons are pushed, especially the way she reacted.

Gotta stand firm though. It might be a long weekend. Thanks for the responses.

Soberwolf

We'll be here for you all the way Rio plus there's the weekender thread

Rio97

Thanks Soberwolf.

And I'll check out that book Kallistia.

Rio97

My sister called me and asked me if I was going, as though I hadn't already let them know. I hadn't spoken to her in 2 months. She continued to lie through her teeth, so finally I said I had to go and hung up.

Im seething right now at their guilt trips and manipulations. After this weekend is over with, I've got to make some serious changes. My sobriety, my well-being depends on it.

I'm very, very discouraged. Quitting drinking is hard enough, and then you throw other crap on top of it. Smh.

I want to drink so bad it hurts.

sg1970

Focus on you and sobriety right now. Put all that crap on the back burner and tell them that's what you're doing if you need to. You will have plenty of time to sort through that later. With sobriety comes clarity.

Rio97

Youre right, sg. Trying to remember that

Rio97

Well, I decided in going tomorrow. And I just gave up my sobriety. I'm going to go celebrate this birthday, I'll have done my duty, then it's adios amigos. I'll likely never see them again. The alternative is not going, and continuing to feel obligated.

That may sound lame. But drinking is the only way I'll get through tonight. Then it will be over.

I apologize if I've shown a lot of discontent on this board. This has really been bothering me. I mean no disrespect to anyone here. I hope y'all will have me back, if that's what I decide to do.

FreeOwl

Wow.

Well.... We all have to learn our own lessons.


Hope to see you back here and I hope it isn't with too bad a disaster story.

tomsteve

that right there is nothing but a line of bs. a complete lie and you are the only one who believes its the only way.
total 100% bs.

no, it wont be over. there will be another time your family wil be a problem
and anothet
and another
until you face it.
fear=
F**k Everything And Run
or
Face Everything And Recover.

im sorry you chose to run but hope you make it back.

PurpleKnight

I'm not convinced on your line of thinking, many a time when I would pencil in a date in the future for my Sobriety things would never materialise, one last hurrah would lead to days or weeks of drinking!!

Why not make TODAY your day, no time like the present when that commitment and resilience is clear in your mind, make it top of your list, your priority in the present, rather than in the future!!

The problem I found was that there would always be something else, another social occasion, another wedding, a birthday, a Xmas, a New Years, or some other kind of crisis, and Sobriety was put on the back burner for years!!

In my mind, who gives anyone the right to take away your 16 Days?!! . . . you've worked hard to achieve that, I wouldn't be giving that up for anyone or anything!!

You can do this!!

Verte

Hi Rio,

A while ago I took a chance here on SR and layed out some scenarios and emotions that gnawed at me and were deeply sensitive. Not surprisingly, the feedback was amazing and supportive of making decisions that were good for me primarily and then everyone else thereafter. I needed to hear it. I needed permission.

I'll be honest, the first time I drew and held the line with one of the toughest characters in my life, it was hard. Really hard. The second time, easier. Until now it is feeling effortless and second nature to draw and hold the line in pretty much every area of my life and it feels good (I was giving that tough character waaaaay too much power).

"I do not do guilt". This is what I say when there is an attempted flinging of guilt tripping heading my way. Just do not accept that guilt stuff. Your relatives have access to a counselor, therapy or have the capacity to find resources if they find themselves bereft without your presence, right?

If you really are considering going to this birthday celebration, maybe visiting for a short, set amount of time (like 15 minutes) is a good strategy? Then drive off and try not to get a speeding ticket.

Rio, as hard as it is, you are doing really well these days! Having great insight, realizations. Keep it going and stay close to SR.