HHTexas

Met with therapist. Planning to leave tomorrow for the weekend with son to stay with family. Leaving a letter giving 2 options... Either he voluntarily leaves the house for a period and begins recovery work or I leave and sign a lease on an apartment. Either way, we'll be living apart for a period. It all goes down Sunday. Sooooo scared but know that this has to be done. He's less drunk today (lol the absurdity of that statement) and more like his old self. Makes it harder. Also talked about being open with the family. No secrets and no shame. It's a disease 😕

jjj111

You are taking some courageous steps, HH! I grew up with two alcoholic parents and still struggle with the aftermath, so I am always so inspired by parents who find the courage to create an alcohol-free home for their children.

firebolt

You can do this! The last year and a half I really focused on spending more time with family and friends without XABF. It didn't take long to see that I was more carefree without him with me, I was more myself, and I started to dread coming home. If you feel like that, grab ahold of it - it is you telling you what is best for your life!

Kboys

Good for you HH!
You are a strong lady and you can do this.
We're all here for you rooting you on!
Brighter days are ahead

HHTexas

Thank you! I'll follow up with how it all goes down 😦

HHTexas

Well I gave him my letter and left yesterday. Just told him to read it when I left. He was of course sorry and apologetic. Haven't really heard from him since. And I'm a little surprised. Thought he would me mad, stubborn or really sad and pleading. And not one. Cotton. Picking. Thing. Which I guess is good. But don't think he's going to willingly leave the house. Just a gut feeling. Sigh. 😒

LemonGirl

yeah.... could be a delayed reaction that will come out after some more drinking and thinking on it, ya know? Be safe!!!!

dandylion

HHTexas.....generally when an active alcoholic gets dramatic news of any kind (good or bad).....they "process" it by having a good binge....

My guess is that you are probably right...
At least, now you know what YOU are going to do. That is the difference that counts!

dandylion

Lilro

^^^^^^
Wow Dandy, I was thinking the same thing and then I read your response!
Yes, of course, just another excuse to go on a binge.
You did the right thing HH. Big hug to you!! Hang in there!

HHTexas

Thank you all so much. This is new uncharted territory for his gal. Returned home tonight and asked what he had decided and he said he's still thinking about it. Very quiet and laying in guest bedroom. I said he had 24 hours and left the room. But I'm really thinking that no answer is an answer. Yes? Already alerted the family to expect us back tomorrow night with my work equipment in tow. When I (if? Eek) put that deposit down on a new place, will feel like jumping off a cliff. Praying that God catches me.

happybeingme

He will and we are here as well. You aren't alone.

Lilro

Please stick to your boundry Texas...

Yes, God will catch you and more importantly you will catch YOURSELF! Good Luck!!

Lilro

Oh and one other thing...him not reacting, being sullen, quiet, whatever, is just him being passive aggressive. Don't fall for it! Stay strong and do what you have to do for YOU!

improudmama

I'm sorry you are going through this. Stay strong and stick to your plan.

I had to do the same thing with my husband because it was affecting our young daughter. I asked him to move out and get himself together. He did move out however he never really got himself together. With great sadness, he passed away in April, 2015 at the age of 42.

HHTexas

So he's checking into detox tonight.. And knows he can't come home in 2 days. But he totally threw me a curve ball and said it was up to me if we stayed together. That he would go for a few months or could go permanently. I replied no that it was his choice, whether he was willing to work AA and recovery hard. That and unwavering commitment to sobriety. Then he said that why was I always trying to change him. That I should have known who he was when we got married. And I said you're right, I was naïve.

And now my chipper, I've got this balloon is completely popped. TG he's going somewhere else tonight. I feel baffled and sad 😕. I just wanted a normal, mundane life...

firebolt

Good job ripping the bandaid off. I hope you find some peace in the coming months!!!

Wisconsin

I said that so many times in the final months before separating from my AH. And let me tell you...four weeks after moving out, I am more like my normal self than I have been in the past four years.

Hang in there!

HHTexas

Thank you. This board is amazing. You all get it. Really get it. just trying to go 24 hours at a time and stick to my guns.

Wisconsin

HH, there were times when I was just trying to get through 5-10 minutes at a time. We HAVE been there, and we DO get it.

Lyssy

HH, please take this time, while he is away to take care of yourself. It is just important for you to do so as it is him in his "rehab/detox". Do something just for yourself everyday. It doesn't have to be much, but just some time alone and quiet. Think about what YOU want and need. Be especially kind to yourself.