b&b

My ex-fiance is an alcoholic. He received a DWI about a year ago and is currently being forced to go to out-patient therapy and AA. The first 2 weeks he was in the program he loved it. He was calm, funny, just like the man that I fell in love with. Now, 4 weeks into the program he has the same personality that he did when he was drinking. He tells me that he cannot be nice to me because I asked him to and everything makes him angry. He told me that I need to understand that he is completely overwhelmed and he is trying to run everthing and not drink. Then he writes me tonight like nothing ever happened. I am so tired and exhausted from dealing with him and his reactions/actions. I tried to just get him out of my life. When I have done this (2x) he tracks me down and is so incredibly sweet! I am so much happier when I don't have him in my life but he won't leave. Or I just keep letting him come back. I feel like I am in an abusive relationship. Normally, I would say that I was an intelligant and strong person but now I am starting to doubt myself. Is this a normal response to sobriety. Is he really on the right road?

B&B

noifs2day

Welcome!
I find the Alcoholics in my life keep coming back too. Mine show up at the most inoportune times! You mention that he has been in program for nearly a month. Are you going to Al-Anon?

AstridAsteroid

I'm in the same situation. It's so hard to deal with an alcoholic, it really is. I'm going to try and talk mine into going to AA meetings, and I'd be mroe than happy to go with him-- either that or go to church.

Magichappens

Hi b&b,
Welcome to SR. I needed help to learn how to deal with alcoholics. People gave me all kinds of advice, but they didn't understand what I was going through. I finally decided to try Al-Anon. There are people there, and on this forum who know how I feel. They understand that we all have to learn to deal with alcoholism in our own way. We support each other here. We don't all make the same decisions. But we learn from each other how to take responsibility for our lives, and learn to heal from the effects of alcoholism.

We learn in Al-Anon that until the alcoholic is ready to find recovery, they won't. We can't make them. That is when many of us take the focus off getting them sober, and put the focus on how to heal ourself. There is a lot of support and love here and in Al-Anon. You have taken a big step in reaching out for help. I hope that you find some peace and healing here. Keep coming back. Hugs, Magic

To find an Al-Anon meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html and select "How to locate a meeting."

noifs2day

[QUOTE=Magichappens]Hi b&b,
We support each other here. We don't all make the same decisions. But we learn from each other how to take responsibility for our lives, and learn to heal from the effects of alcoholism. [QUOTE]


Wow Magic... well said and so true.