Not sure if I'm entirely ready...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 6
Not sure if I'm entirely ready...
...but the forums on this site have resonated with me. I could really identify with posters on the cringeworthy yet hilarious tongue-in-cheek thread about "why I miss drinking" (paraphrasing - can't find the thread now for some reason).
I have been drinking excessively for about 10 years - wow, first time I have ever put that into words. It began when I started a relationship with a funny, charming, Irish guy who had just arrived in the country. He - and his delightful County Kerry accent - brought me into the local Irish J1 (summer student visa) scene and it was so much fun going to bars and post Gaelic football celebrations. I had never experienced such a hard drinking culture, but everyone was so friendly, boisterous, and welcoming that I soon embraced "craic" (fun). The first time I saw one of the lads passed out on the bar floor at 3pm on a Sunday, I was ready to call an ambulance. My new friends thought that was ridiculous and assured me that that was par for the course. Instead of reevaluating my level of involvement in the guzzle-fests, I dove in headfirst. Within a year I had gone from a two glasses of wine a week gal to a prolific drinker of Jameson. Then the first blackout - which is not technically accurate since I have the misfortune to remember my bizarre, half-naked-in-public behavior. Maybe I'll have the courage to confess that story to you all some day.
Well, here I am, after many years of overdoing it. Still friends with my ex, still love the Irish (I have visited the Emerald Isle 8 times and am currently in love with a Dubliner), and I know that I only have myself to blame for not taking a step back before I let the alcohol tighten its grip.
Wine is my weakness but I have been known to put away brutally embarrassing quantities of citron vodka on occasion. In fact, maybe I should thank vodka. A couple of weeks ago I woke up after a night of solo citron and soda swilling and felt vaguely achey but chalked it up to a routine hangover. Turned out I had caught a bad bug and I spent the next week fighting nausea and a fever that peaked at 104.9. I got sick more times than I can count, shivered night and day and ultimately sweat everything out. When I finally came the other side - thanks to antibiotics, I felt like I had been cleansed by fire. I couldn't drink during that week of illness and once I was better, I decided to stay off the sauce and continue the cleanse. Today is my 19th day of sobriety.
The fact that my blood work results showed elevated liver enzymes also scared me into this sober streak. Does anyone have info/experience with this?
Anywho, I would like to say I am done with alcohol, but I am not entirely sure. Would be great to drink in moderation, but the more I read on this board, the more I suspect that that vision might be a mirage. In the meantime, I am taking this opportunity to get as healthy as possible, learn from the wisdom of all of you and decide if I want to make abstinence permanent. Feels pretty good so far, so we'll see.
Thanks for "listening." Most of all, thanks for the inspiration
I have been drinking excessively for about 10 years - wow, first time I have ever put that into words. It began when I started a relationship with a funny, charming, Irish guy who had just arrived in the country. He - and his delightful County Kerry accent - brought me into the local Irish J1 (summer student visa) scene and it was so much fun going to bars and post Gaelic football celebrations. I had never experienced such a hard drinking culture, but everyone was so friendly, boisterous, and welcoming that I soon embraced "craic" (fun). The first time I saw one of the lads passed out on the bar floor at 3pm on a Sunday, I was ready to call an ambulance. My new friends thought that was ridiculous and assured me that that was par for the course. Instead of reevaluating my level of involvement in the guzzle-fests, I dove in headfirst. Within a year I had gone from a two glasses of wine a week gal to a prolific drinker of Jameson. Then the first blackout - which is not technically accurate since I have the misfortune to remember my bizarre, half-naked-in-public behavior. Maybe I'll have the courage to confess that story to you all some day.
Well, here I am, after many years of overdoing it. Still friends with my ex, still love the Irish (I have visited the Emerald Isle 8 times and am currently in love with a Dubliner), and I know that I only have myself to blame for not taking a step back before I let the alcohol tighten its grip.
Wine is my weakness but I have been known to put away brutally embarrassing quantities of citron vodka on occasion. In fact, maybe I should thank vodka. A couple of weeks ago I woke up after a night of solo citron and soda swilling and felt vaguely achey but chalked it up to a routine hangover. Turned out I had caught a bad bug and I spent the next week fighting nausea and a fever that peaked at 104.9. I got sick more times than I can count, shivered night and day and ultimately sweat everything out. When I finally came the other side - thanks to antibiotics, I felt like I had been cleansed by fire. I couldn't drink during that week of illness and once I was better, I decided to stay off the sauce and continue the cleanse. Today is my 19th day of sobriety.
The fact that my blood work results showed elevated liver enzymes also scared me into this sober streak. Does anyone have info/experience with this?
Anywho, I would like to say I am done with alcohol, but I am not entirely sure. Would be great to drink in moderation, but the more I read on this board, the more I suspect that that vision might be a mirage. In the meantime, I am taking this opportunity to get as healthy as possible, learn from the wisdom of all of you and decide if I want to make abstinence permanent. Feels pretty good so far, so we'll see.
Thanks for "listening." Most of all, thanks for the inspiration
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Our Inner Addict loves to make us think that we'll have some moment in the future when it will be easy to quit.
The fact is it's never easy to quit and quite often many of us quit with reservations.
If there's one thing I've learned tho is it's never too soon quit, and we can choose when we quit - there's no need to ride the elevator right down to the basement
If a part of you wants to quit - listen to that part and quit.
You're not alone - there's a ton of support here
D
The fact is it's never easy to quit and quite often many of us quit with reservations.
If there's one thing I've learned tho is it's never too soon quit, and we can choose when we quit - there's no need to ride the elevator right down to the basement
If a part of you wants to quit - listen to that part and quit.
You're not alone - there's a ton of support here
D
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,908
Welcome to SR, SFBonvivant.
Moderation has never worked for me, and I have tried it many different ways and many times over many years. I never know after I take that first drink if I'm "only" going to have one more or if I'm going to close the bar down and continue drinking even more after that. All bets are off once that first drink hits my system. So I don't take that first one today.
I've never woken up regretting not drinking the night before. This is a better way of life. Hope you'll give your mind and body a break and stay on this path of sobriety.
Moderation has never worked for me, and I have tried it many different ways and many times over many years. I never know after I take that first drink if I'm "only" going to have one more or if I'm going to close the bar down and continue drinking even more after that. All bets are off once that first drink hits my system. So I don't take that first one today.
I've never woken up regretting not drinking the night before. This is a better way of life. Hope you'll give your mind and body a break and stay on this path of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Congrats on 19 days! That is a great accomplishment Even though you're on the fence about quitting for good, I hope that you are able to take stock of the improvements in your life in the last 19 days. Would those exist if you were still drinking? Probably not.
I hope you stick with us. I would recommend joining the September 2015 Class in the Newcomer's Thread. It helps to have accountability when that voice in your head tries to convince you that drinking would be a good idea (because, really, when has it ever been a good idea?!).
Stick with it, you're doing great!!
Even though you're on the fence about quitting for good, I hope that you are able to take stock of the improvements in your life in the last 19 days. Would those exist if you were still drinking? Probably not.I hope you stick with us. I would recommend joining the September 2015 Class in the Newcomer's Thread. It helps to have accountability when that voice in your head tries to convince you that drinking would be a good idea (because, really, when has it ever been a good idea?!).
Stick with it, you're doing great!!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by SFBonvivant 
Anywho, I would like to say I am done with alcohol, but I am not entirely sure. Would be great to drink in moderation, but the more I read on this board, the more I suspect that that vision might be a mirage. In the meantime, I am taking this opportunity to get as healthy as possible, learn from the wisdom of all of you and decide if I want to make abstinence permanent. Feels pretty good so far, so we'll see.
Thanks for "listening." Most of all, thanks for the inspiration
Thanks for "listening." Most of all, thanks for the inspiration
I wish it hadn't taken me another DUI, another marriage and divorce, another ten years of abuse to my body, another ten years of poor financial decision-making, another ten years of despair and hangovers and shame and anxiety and generally-lousy impact to my life and well-being to finally realize that yep.... I'm ready now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 6
Thanks for the support, "tough love" and welcome notes. Day 20 and I'm not feeling any urges.
As many of you have noted, it sure is nice to wake up with a clear head. I'm getting a lot more done.
I read these forums several times a day, especially in bed - last thing at night and first thing in the morning since I found this site several days ago. It keeps me in the right frame of mind.
As many of you have noted, it sure is nice to wake up with a clear head. I'm getting a lot more done.
I read these forums several times a day, especially in bed - last thing at night and first thing in the morning since I found this site several days ago. It keeps me in the right frame of mind.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
And.. you will still be able to travel to cool places and have fun.. I do.. and it was one of my biggest fears before quitting two years ago. Although.. you do live in a great wine area, which can make it more difficult. I know, I was raised and lived on the Peninsula, and worked in the city for years. But you have to just get out of that lifestyle for awhile (and avoid places like Napa and Mendocino, and Dublin maybe? lol). I'm living proof it's possible though. Cheers!
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