NAP

Wow. I had a potential romantic situation in my early sobriety and simultaneously found myself craving booze and swaying off the path more so than any other recent time.

After it didn't work out I found myself thinking, well I should just stick to sober men.

But after some thinking, I believe that this issue is my achilles heel more than any other thing, and I can see now why they say to stay away from relationships in the first year!

KAD

Yep, I am warned often to abide by that one year moratorium on romance. In a few weeks I'll be 6 months sober, but I'm not even sure if I'll feel ready 6 months after that!

Dee74

There are ups and down in any relationship - I'm glad I waited a while

Soberwolf

Excellent post

saoutchik

A year away from relationships is probably sensible. A relationship with a guy who isn't sober himself would definitely not be a good idea.

In early sobriety emotions and feelings are a bit unpredictable and "see saw" up and down (or at least mine did) which is another reason to give yourself a bit of breathing space

Good Luck NAP

NAP

He wasn't a big drinker but was a pot smoker and was trying to convince me of the benefits of smoking pot. I agreed with some of them but for me, as an addict, I found this really made me think and I concluded that it's not a good/sober idea to contemplate picking up a dobee :-) But he did make me wonder!

Anna

I'm glad you decided to step away from the relationship and to focus on yourself for awhile.

entropy1964

Hello
Such a common question. I think it is wise to wait at least a year....but it's individual. I know recovery for me is all about getting to know me sober, dealing with my low self esteem and really setting my boundaries and values. I cannot compromise my sobriety for anyone. And I have to be in a place of strength so that no one breaches my boundaries or tries to get me to bend with respect to my values. When I'm firmly grounded, I'll be ready. I entered into a relationship after a year of sobriety and let's just say I wasn't ready. BUT I learned so much. I am trying now to assimilate that so I don't make the same mistakes again...something I'm good at doing

Austin4Wyo

One of my therapists in my second inpatient stint regarded this stuff as the "Empty/Needy." I have been thoroughly guilty of adderessing the lack of drinking with a cute girl, thinking that she can fill the void and the need that I was attempting to avoid through being soused as a newt. Weirdly, that approach never worked.



A year or whatever it takes. One won't be unready on day 364 but magically okay for romance on day 365. I think as long as you're being honest with yourself and making sure that you have some trusted people helping you evaluate progress, it could be less or more. I'm nigh in 9 months in, and feel I'd be ready enough at a year, but, quite frankly, I don't know that I'll ever enter into a romantic relationship again. It certainly isn't a requirement for my happiness, and until I realized and absorbed that fact, I wasn't ready to be in one.

Della1968

I have dated but I don't think I am ready yet. I think looking back I am kinda addicted to men. In the past I have always had to at least be talking to one. I have a lot of work to do on me and I know I wouldn't focus as much on myself if I were in a relationship.

stargazer016

Great topic!