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Sad and Unsure

Old 09-20-2015, 06:33 AM
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Sad and Unsure

Tonight I'm feeling sad. Think I could be grieving a lost way of life, a way I had come to know as 'real'. Feel sort of lost now and unsure of this new life, and yet know I must stay on track and keep going. Went to a pub to hear music on Fri night and drank soda n lime, actually drove home, walked inside took deep breaths...the urge to pour a vino was palpable...didn't. This is going to be a difficult journey and harder than I suspected. Am being forced to be totally real with myself. No more sweeping things under the carpet...hurts.
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Old 09-20-2015, 06:36 AM
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I went through that, too. I wrote a goodbye letter to alcohol in my journal, which seemed to help this process as I didn't want to stay stuck in it.....
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Old 09-20-2015, 06:37 AM
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I really wish you well, things get easier as all here will confirm. Be proud you drank soda and were able to drive home. Like any muscle not used in a while, sober muscles take a while and effort to build up and get strong. maybe make a list of all the positives of being sober? might be worth a try and help you feel good about what your doing.
Be well xx
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Old 09-20-2015, 06:43 AM
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Leem it will hurt for awhile that's no lie . But it's like anything in life . Things you miss will become a fading memory . The pain will subside & you will feel a sense of aww as you stay on a sober path . You can get though this , as long as you don't dwell on what's missing . Fill that emptiness (loss) with things that make you happy , your days will get easier
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Old 09-20-2015, 06:59 AM
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Welcome Leem
I understand grieving the loss of alcohol. My playmate, friend, partner. But I have to remember that the relationship turned very toxic....was destroying me and what I hold most important. My addicted brain wants me to return so it will trick me into thinking a whole host of lies. I have to remember that the romantic thoughts of alcohol aren't true. Alcohol will kill me. I am fascinated by my habituated brain. My brain will begin to 'calm down' the moment I decide to drink.....before any alcohol has even entered my system. Quite a trick.
Stick around and read. Post your feelings. Pay close attention to those who quit, relapse, come back....going back to drinking never, ever works. Ever.
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Old 09-20-2015, 07:20 AM
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It's a lot more difficult in early sobriety if we are in Pubs and have vino readily available.......

Many of us had to change people, places and things in order to gain some sobriety time and build up our sober muscles (as friend here post).

Around 3-4 months I went to watch a football game at a Buffalo Wild Wings. I had a plan, an exit strategy and went with another friend who does not drink.

Everyone is different, but I think you'll discover many of us choose to stay away from places where alcohol was served initially. I found (still do in my head) doing a gratitude list - there's a thread here for that - got me out of my pity party.

Glad you're here, stay sober and keep coming back, friend!
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Old 09-20-2015, 07:29 AM
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In the beginning it is hard. I found I had to create a new life not live the old and simply not drink. Seek out places where people don't drink and you will meet nondrinkers.

For me AA was critical because I met a ton of great people just like me and many have become dear friends
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Old 09-20-2015, 03:36 PM
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Hi Leem, its part of the healing process, and you need to let the process run its course. Most of us have been there and had those very same feelings. its nothing to be ashamed of. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward.
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Old 09-21-2015, 01:27 AM
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Hang in there, Leem. It's grief, really. You're grieving for the loss of alcohol. But in so many ways it's similar to growing up. As a child you might lament the loss of a favorite toy or blankie, sure that you can't go on without it. But after the passage of time you don't even remember the thing you missed so much.

You may never completely get over the desire to "have just one" but the acuteness of the pain does dull greatly after even a few months. A big part of the process is learning how to live your life. I should say relearn; you need to figure out who and what you are sober.
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Old 09-21-2015, 08:54 AM
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In recovery, I've found it's best to stop mourning my old, broken way of life and instead try to build a new, better one. Wishing you the best today...
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Old 09-21-2015, 09:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Leem1 View Post
Tonight I'm feeling sad. Think I could be grieving a lost way of life, a way I had come to know as 'real'. Feel sort of lost now and unsure of this new life, and yet know I must stay on track and keep going. Went to a pub to hear music on Fri night and drank soda n lime, actually drove home, walked inside took deep breaths...the urge to pour a vino was palpable...didn't. This is going to be a difficult journey and harder than I suspected. Am being forced to be totally real with myself. No more sweeping things under the carpet...hurts.
it's ok to feel this.... I did, too. I think we all go through it. It IS a grieving process.

Though we may be able to logically see all the many positives of sobriety, still there is a loss. In many ways, a death of Self. And that comes with grief and even fear.... of the unknown, the new Self... will we love that Self? And the letting go of the old is a rite of passage worth ceremony.

A letter of goodbye to alcohol, even to the departed Self, is one good way to mark that passage with honor of ceremony and help move through the cycle of grief and acceptance. Therapy can also help.

I used to feel like you describe a lot.... now if I feel so moved, I can go to a pub to enjoy a band I like and I can drink a non-alcoholic soda and really enjoy myself. I usually won't stay long, because I still don't really like the sometimes-melancholy feeling I get in those surrounds. I don't like seeing lots of people in a setting devoted to drinking - but I don't feel nearly as sad about it anymore. If I choose to go to a setting like that, I choose it with awareness. I go and I have a good time and I go home. Sober.

This will pass.
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Old 09-21-2015, 12:38 PM
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Welcome to the Forum Leem!!
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Old 09-21-2015, 04:09 PM
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Think I could be grieving a lost way of life, a way I had come to know as 'real'.
I understand that very well. My drinking defined my life and who I thought I was.

The truth was I found reality after I stopped drinking - it's it's a million times better than anything I could ever imagine

You're on the right road Leem - don't doubt that for a second

D
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Old 09-21-2015, 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Leem1 View Post
Tonight I'm feeling sad. Think I could be grieving a lost way of life, a way I had come to know as 'real'. Feel sort of lost now and unsure of this new life, and yet know I must stay on track and keep going. Went to a pub to hear music on Fri night and drank soda n lime, actually drove home, walked inside took deep breaths...the urge to pour a vino was palpable...didn't. This is going to be a difficult journey and harder than I suspected. Am being forced to be totally real with myself. No more sweeping things under the carpet...hurts.
I can totally relate! I have found out that when stop using a substance your body depended on it can leave a void. And I've needed to find other, more healthy things to fill that void. There WAS a time in my life when I did not depend on a substance, so I can remember and VISUALIZE what that would be like. Part of me still wonders if I can go back to being a 'responsible drinker'....and guess I don't want to risk finding that out. Perhaps I've proven too many times that I cannot be a responsible drinker...and still a voice pops up in my head doubting, when I now know good and well I've got to stay away from the stuff.

My brain and body are healing. It's okay to blah days. That will pass and you will learn or relearn healthier ways to live and life will more full than ever thought it could be.
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Old 09-21-2015, 04:49 PM
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It's very scary letting go of what helped us get through the tough times. But, it sounds like you are ready to make the move and doing well. It will get easier as time goes by.
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