Completely lost...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London
Posts: 172
Completely lost...
All my life I have been pushing myself to be the best thinking that somehow if I become the best I will be worth something, and I have done very well for awhile with this attitude. But the alcohol has always been there in the back ground causing absolute destruction as I have moved forward with my life. Some of the things I have done from alcohol include jail time, criminal records, infidelity, fights, scars injuries, loss of driving licence, and other risky behaviours.
But still after all of that the denial is so great that I have it under control. I now have zero motivation in life/Buisness and have not worked properly in over a year I have just been living off savings from the sale of my Buisness, I now feel destined to loose everything and end up like my worst fear my dad!
I drank Wednesday night and lost complete control and ending up doing things iam ashamed of I woke up with suicidal thoughts. It finally feels like the penny has dropped I can't go on a single minute longer like this.
Iam sober 3 days and feel absolutely awful no energy crying depression fear the full works.
I feel like my life is over. I have started listening to some AA speakers online and called some old friends also. Really feel lost at sea.
Just felt like sharing that. Thanks all
But still after all of that the denial is so great that I have it under control. I now have zero motivation in life/Buisness and have not worked properly in over a year I have just been living off savings from the sale of my Buisness, I now feel destined to loose everything and end up like my worst fear my dad!
I drank Wednesday night and lost complete control and ending up doing things iam ashamed of I woke up with suicidal thoughts. It finally feels like the penny has dropped I can't go on a single minute longer like this.
Iam sober 3 days and feel absolutely awful no energy crying depression fear the full works.
I feel like my life is over. I have started listening to some AA speakers online and called some old friends also. Really feel lost at sea.
Just felt like sharing that. Thanks all
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
" I have started listening to some AA speakers online "
From page 8 of the AA Big Book:
Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere, or would stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.
Step 1 is the starting place, the Steps are the direct path, and Speaker Messages are accounts from people that have had their lives 'Renewed and Transformed' by this program that ALWAYS WORKS if we WORK it.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
From page 8 of the AA Big Book:
Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere, or would stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.
Step 1 is the starting place, the Steps are the direct path, and Speaker Messages are accounts from people that have had their lives 'Renewed and Transformed' by this program that ALWAYS WORKS if we WORK it.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I can't speak for others, but when I first got sober I felt kinda lost.
The most important thing for me was that I believed everyone who said it gets better. Sometimes in the beginning of sobriety I was feeling melancholy quite a bit. But I knew that if I stuck with it, I would start to change my attitude and my zest for life would return.
Give yourself a chance to experience this 'change of life'.
Also I knew that when I was down in the dumps after my divorce, the only thing that kept me going is that I understood "these things take time". Having already experienced the worst possible feelings, I used that experience to help me get through the tough times I experienced after losing my job and more to alcohol.
So please, give yourself a chance. If you strive to be the best at things, why not make yourself the best at getting sober and fully embracing this lifestyle. You'll find in time that it is MUCH more enjoyable living with a clear head and not thinking about the next drink. I was a slave to the next drink for more years than I wish to acknowledge. But believe me when I say, IT DOES GET BETTER.
You already have experience in conquering things. Use your wisdom and experience to your advantage. You can do this and you will.
The most important thing for me was that I believed everyone who said it gets better. Sometimes in the beginning of sobriety I was feeling melancholy quite a bit. But I knew that if I stuck with it, I would start to change my attitude and my zest for life would return.
Give yourself a chance to experience this 'change of life'.
Also I knew that when I was down in the dumps after my divorce, the only thing that kept me going is that I understood "these things take time". Having already experienced the worst possible feelings, I used that experience to help me get through the tough times I experienced after losing my job and more to alcohol.
So please, give yourself a chance. If you strive to be the best at things, why not make yourself the best at getting sober and fully embracing this lifestyle. You'll find in time that it is MUCH more enjoyable living with a clear head and not thinking about the next drink. I was a slave to the next drink for more years than I wish to acknowledge. But believe me when I say, IT DOES GET BETTER.
You already have experience in conquering things. Use your wisdom and experience to your advantage. You can do this and you will.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Please see a doctor for treatment. I really wish I had done at home medical detox vs. cold turkey. and you have that great NHS there right? You will feel less in the depths of despair if you can not drink for today. Go day by day. Rehydrate, get fresh air, eat well , replenish vitamin B. read as many posts here as you can. Lots of stories of people who have lost everything to alcohol and rebuilt their life, It can be done. Just don't drink no matter what , today. Same tomorrow. I felt significantly better after a couple of weeks. hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Try to realize that you are not alone with your decline and desperate feelings.
I found action was needed in the form of being honest with myself about my drinking and accepting the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety one day at a time in a row.
Following that tough line of thinking I needed to work on changing the person who was drinking if I wanted any sanity in my life. At a lot of this I resisted in a immature manner but came back when the pain got bad enough.
Sobriety is for anyone wanting and working for it. I got mine going to a lot of meetings as a starter and stopping isolation.
BE WELL
Try to realize that you are not alone with your decline and desperate feelings.
I found action was needed in the form of being honest with myself about my drinking and accepting the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety one day at a time in a row.
Following that tough line of thinking I needed to work on changing the person who was drinking if I wanted any sanity in my life. At a lot of this I resisted in a immature manner but came back when the pain got bad enough.
Sobriety is for anyone wanting and working for it. I got mine going to a lot of meetings as a starter and stopping isolation.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
You owe it to yourself to give yourself a chance (as others have already said). You might surprise yourself. But you'll never know if you don't try. I too have felt the way you are feeling. That I've pretty much done everything I've wanted to do and had/have nothing to look forward to. But its a lie. There is life fulfilling to live.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you are three days into a new life. ever seen the shots inside the capsule when the rocket is taking off from the launch pad? there is a reason why they are STRAPPED in = cuz early on in the journey it's pretty rough going.
today you can say that alcohol has taken enough.
today you can say that alcohol has taken enough.
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