“When the AV says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.'”
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
“When the AV says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.'”
On day 41 and seems I have a old"friend" back in my mind! Sybil's got nothing on me recently!
The AV has quieted down a bit.....but pops in at the strangest times. I'm getting pretty good at ignoring it or just thinking F-OFF and it slinks away. But this other voice is there now as well.
It seemed familiar but didn't recognize it at first. As I was running today, I realized it's the voice in my head that drinking had chased away. I knew it years ago, but hadn't heard a peep for a long time.
It's the voice I've had forever, just been buried. It reminds me of the quote “When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.'”
Over the last few weeks, even though not drinking.....I still get that same feeling of "sloth-ness". Not all the time anymore, but I do catch myself thinking "Who cares, why bother" with just everyday things. I did this ALOT when drinking. I could blow off just about anything, even the easy things. Let things pile up till **** would hit the fan and I'd have no choice but to deal with it. That was par for the course....Ignore it and it will either go away or become such a big deal I have to take care of it. I was always rooting for the "Ignore it and it will go away" outcome, probably because I just wanted to ignore life and drink my wine.
Anyway, this voice, is strong lately. Started quietly, but getting loud. Its something very familiar and I do remember it and I'm so glad its back. The residual effects mentally and emotionally from years of drinking have left me a bit fragile, insecure, and its been a huge hit to my self confidence while sober. The one thing about me when drinking....I had plenty of good intentions to do things that were healthy for me or necessary for life just to run smoothly, but I never followed through, which would make me feel like a loser, which would make me drink, which would make me make false promises to myself while drunk, then I'd wake up and not do **** again, so I'd feel like a loser, drink...........and this roller coaster just kept going and going and going and going. I couldn't get off the freakin alcohol ride!
Now sober, this voice.....keeps butting right in. When I think I don't care to do something or about something, it keeps chiming in. It makes me take that first step and then I keep on truckin!
“When the AV says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.'”
The AV has quieted down a bit.....but pops in at the strangest times. I'm getting pretty good at ignoring it or just thinking F-OFF and it slinks away. But this other voice is there now as well.
It seemed familiar but didn't recognize it at first. As I was running today, I realized it's the voice in my head that drinking had chased away. I knew it years ago, but hadn't heard a peep for a long time.
It's the voice I've had forever, just been buried. It reminds me of the quote “When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.'”
Over the last few weeks, even though not drinking.....I still get that same feeling of "sloth-ness". Not all the time anymore, but I do catch myself thinking "Who cares, why bother" with just everyday things. I did this ALOT when drinking. I could blow off just about anything, even the easy things. Let things pile up till **** would hit the fan and I'd have no choice but to deal with it. That was par for the course....Ignore it and it will either go away or become such a big deal I have to take care of it. I was always rooting for the "Ignore it and it will go away" outcome, probably because I just wanted to ignore life and drink my wine.
Anyway, this voice, is strong lately. Started quietly, but getting loud. Its something very familiar and I do remember it and I'm so glad its back. The residual effects mentally and emotionally from years of drinking have left me a bit fragile, insecure, and its been a huge hit to my self confidence while sober. The one thing about me when drinking....I had plenty of good intentions to do things that were healthy for me or necessary for life just to run smoothly, but I never followed through, which would make me feel like a loser, which would make me drink, which would make me make false promises to myself while drunk, then I'd wake up and not do **** again, so I'd feel like a loser, drink...........and this roller coaster just kept going and going and going and going. I couldn't get off the freakin alcohol ride!
Now sober, this voice.....keeps butting right in. When I think I don't care to do something or about something, it keeps chiming in. It makes me take that first step and then I keep on truckin!
“When the AV says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.'”
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
I know exactly what you mean, InTheEnd. As my drinking progressed, so did my slothfulness. I had the same thoughts, "Who cares? Why bother? " I was even beginning to reconcile myself in continuing to drink. I heard the tiny voice of hope too, and believe me, it was VERY tiny. Thank you for posting this.
Congratulations on your 41 days!
Congratulations on your 41 days!
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: San Diego
Posts: 94
I'm at 49 days, and I feel like shotgunning some ice cold beers down with a friend. I look on facebook and I see pictures of everyone always going out...yet here I sit, feeling like everything's pointless anyways.
I knew this is what awaited me when I quit drinking. This is how I felt before I even started drinking in my early 20's..
Either way, just to dull my senses for one day would be a relief..
I knew this is what awaited me when I quit drinking. This is how I felt before I even started drinking in my early 20's..
Either way, just to dull my senses for one day would be a relief..
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