Not as simple as just not drinking
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Not as simple as just not drinking
I was reflecting on my battle with alcoholism over the years. I Iooked at my many attempts and an equal number of falures. I see now where I went wrong. The fatal flaw in my approach was I thought all I had to do was quit drinking.
Now don't get me wrong not drinking is the foundation for everything but not drinking alone was not enough to keep me sober long term. Not drinking was only the first step of many that I had to take and continue to take.
I had to change in a fundamental way. I had to do different things, get different friends, go different places. I had to get spiritual, accept the world as it was, get rid of resentments, trust others, admit my life was a disaster, and most importantly my way had been the wrong way for all of my life and the list goes on and on.
In short I had to do an awful lot of things I didn't want to. Slowly but surely I started to change. I became comfortable with who I am, derived inner peace by helping others, and started to understand my place in the world.
I am very grateful for more things than I can name but at the top of the list is a willingness to change
Now don't get me wrong not drinking is the foundation for everything but not drinking alone was not enough to keep me sober long term. Not drinking was only the first step of many that I had to take and continue to take.
I had to change in a fundamental way. I had to do different things, get different friends, go different places. I had to get spiritual, accept the world as it was, get rid of resentments, trust others, admit my life was a disaster, and most importantly my way had been the wrong way for all of my life and the list goes on and on.
In short I had to do an awful lot of things I didn't want to. Slowly but surely I started to change. I became comfortable with who I am, derived inner peace by helping others, and started to understand my place in the world.
I am very grateful for more things than I can name but at the top of the list is a willingness to change
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
It was much more than simply not drinking for me too MIR.
Not drinking was only phase one for me.
Take the drink away from the sad self-destructive alcoholic I was and you still had a sad self-destructive non-drinker.
Getting sober and staying that way gave me a constant emotional level to work on that phase two stuff
D
Not drinking was only phase one for me.
Take the drink away from the sad self-destructive alcoholic I was and you still had a sad self-destructive non-drinker.
Getting sober and staying that way gave me a constant emotional level to work on that phase two stuff
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 737
Thanks MIR. I'm having a hard time remembering that I can't have things go my way all the time. I'm so grateful I can come here to be reminded of what it takes to stay sober. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
I was reflecting on my battle with alcoholism over the years. I Iooked at my many attempts and an equal number of falures. I see now where I went wrong. The fatal flaw in my approach was I thought all I had to do was quit drinking.
Now don't get me wrong not drinking is the foundation for everything but not drinking alone was not enough to keep me sober long term. Not drinking was only the first step of many that I had to take and continue to take.
I had to change in a fundamental way. I had to do different things, get different friends, go different places. I had to get spiritual, accept the world as it was, get rid of resentments, trust others, admit my life was a disaster, and most importantly my way had been the wrong way for all of my life and the list goes on and on.
In short I had to do an awful lot of things I didn't want to. Slowly but surely I started to change. I became comfortable with who I am, derived inner peace by helping others, and started to understand my place in the world.
I am very grateful for more things than I can name but at the top of the list is a willingness to change
Now don't get me wrong not drinking is the foundation for everything but not drinking alone was not enough to keep me sober long term. Not drinking was only the first step of many that I had to take and continue to take.
I had to change in a fundamental way. I had to do different things, get different friends, go different places. I had to get spiritual, accept the world as it was, get rid of resentments, trust others, admit my life was a disaster, and most importantly my way had been the wrong way for all of my life and the list goes on and on.
In short I had to do an awful lot of things I didn't want to. Slowly but surely I started to change. I became comfortable with who I am, derived inner peace by helping others, and started to understand my place in the world.
I am very grateful for more things than I can name but at the top of the list is a willingness to change
I recall hearing a speaker make a point about a newcomer walking into the rooms. He leaned near another friend and said - see that guy, he'll drink again.
The essence of his statement simply was we have to change. If we stay the same guy, don't change then we will drink again.
Thanks MIRecovery for the thread - good thoughts, so very true.
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Dee74
It was much more than simply not drinking for me too MIR.
Not drinking was only phase one for me.
Take the drink away from the sad self-destructive alcoholic I was and you still had a sad self-destructive non-drinker.
Getting sober and staying that way gave me a constant emotional level to work on that phase two stuff
D
Not drinking was only phase one for me.
Take the drink away from the sad self-destructive alcoholic I was and you still had a sad self-destructive non-drinker.
Getting sober and staying that way gave me a constant emotional level to work on that phase two stuff
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
MIR... Simply and beautifully stated. Putting down the drink is only the first step. If there was one thing I wish newcomers would know, it is THAT......True recovery only comes when we are willing to fundamentally change who we are...when we are willing to stop making excuses and stop blaming others for why we drink. Being 'dry' and being 'recovered' are distinctly different. Thanks for this post.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Thanks for the needed reminders we need to remember one day at a time.
Last night at a meeting the topic was acceptance and it was pointed out that acceptance is not something we need to like.
At most meetings I go to this is vocalized at least once to remind us about something very important.
"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
BE WELL
Last night at a meeting the topic was acceptance and it was pointed out that acceptance is not something we need to like.
At most meetings I go to this is vocalized at least once to remind us about something very important.
"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Great post, MIR. My own experience also exactly. For many years when I was drinking, I had a on/off desire to stop and be done with it for good, but never did anything in particular to achieve it. Many people seem to be able to put together some weeks or months of abstinence without doing much else. Not me. My attempts at "sobriety" never lasted longer than 1-2-3 days max. I think once I had 5 days mostly because I was very sick, but as long as I got better I also got back into the bottle. As a result of this pattern and my ignorance, I had almost zero confidence and trust in my ability to get and stay sober even when I finally made a firm decision and commitment that I try. What happened was that I started learning what recovery truly is and how others achieve it, what the different methods and options are. And most importantly, started to explore and apply them. It is banal now in retrospect, but making the changes of course made all the difference.
As sober time goes by, I also find myself having the clear judgment and confidence to take bigger risks and make bigger changes in my life for the better without freaking out, second guessing myself, and worrying too much. In my case, I would not say that I have become a whole new person, it's more that I am discovering and re-discovering dimensions of myself and of life that have always been there probably, some in latent form, often embedded in long-standing repetitive thought processes and behaviors. Peeling off these kinds of defenses and resistances (because that's what they are) gradually and actively exploring new possibilities is one of the most fascinating and satisfying components of recovery for me -- far more rewarding in the larger scheme than the "satisfaction" my old habits ever provided. It's not something exactly trivial to do though and (like most of us I guess) I needed help to break patterns, generate new ones, and then maintain... but I now find that the acquired skills can be applied in many areas of life to facilitate change.
As sober time goes by, I also find myself having the clear judgment and confidence to take bigger risks and make bigger changes in my life for the better without freaking out, second guessing myself, and worrying too much. In my case, I would not say that I have become a whole new person, it's more that I am discovering and re-discovering dimensions of myself and of life that have always been there probably, some in latent form, often embedded in long-standing repetitive thought processes and behaviors. Peeling off these kinds of defenses and resistances (because that's what they are) gradually and actively exploring new possibilities is one of the most fascinating and satisfying components of recovery for me -- far more rewarding in the larger scheme than the "satisfaction" my old habits ever provided. It's not something exactly trivial to do though and (like most of us I guess) I needed help to break patterns, generate new ones, and then maintain... but I now find that the acquired skills can be applied in many areas of life to facilitate change.
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Excellent post, MIR! Like you, and others who have posted, I always thought it was only about not drinking anymore. I could do that, rather successfully at times, but it never lasted. At some point, usually completely out of the blue and without warning, that old urge struck again, and I had no resistance, no foundation on which to build and maintain my sobriety.
I am in the process of making the kinds of fundamental changes you mentioned and, you're right, it's not easy. The upshot is that I'm definitely beginning to see results. My biggest problem, still, is impatience. We alcoholics tend to want what we want, and we want it now! I've often heard it said that alcoholism is more a thinking problem than a drinking problem. One just leads to the other. That's certainly true for me.
I am in the process of making the kinds of fundamental changes you mentioned and, you're right, it's not easy. The upshot is that I'm definitely beginning to see results. My biggest problem, still, is impatience. We alcoholics tend to want what we want, and we want it now! I've often heard it said that alcoholism is more a thinking problem than a drinking problem. One just leads to the other. That's certainly true for me.
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