Pia

to ask my ideas.

My husband called and left a v/m asking if we could talk to figure things out. I haven't called him back

I don't have any desire or feelings or even rush to even talk to him right now, and don't want to break no contact. But, I know we need to and it has to happen.

My thought process is not to call him back, but do you think that just delays my moving forward longer? He's been gone a month now and hasn't called so clearly there isn't any rush.

firebolt

I'm sorry - it all just sucks.

can you just email him your ideas, and maybe he can respond that way?

Pia

The last think I told him was to finish the divorce papers. So I don't feel there is anything left to discuss.The divorce has been lingering on for 2 years now. I no longer need closer to move forward.

If he wants to come over and get the rest of his stuff he knows where the house is.

My reality is no longer rushing to do everything right away as if I was on some imaginary clock being timed how fast I do something . The old me would of rushed to return the call.
Now I have no rush to do anything for him. Its not a big deal anymore.

In the past this would happen and then he would be back in the house now things have changed in me,

firebolt

You sound GREAT in the middle of a tough situation.

And that is that! Good for you!

D122y

Pray on it if you can.

I suck at relationship advice.

HHTexas

You sound really healthy . Go with your gut. I find when I feel relaxed after thinking about a course of action, that's the right direction to go in 😀

Pia

After typing it out and thinking about it and getting feedback from SR, I decided not to let it take any more time out of my life thinking of what is the "right" thing to do.

I forget how many times we agreed on something and he never followed through. If he finished the divorce he would sign and turn it in that's all.

My biggest obstacle to over come right now is what i'm going to eat for dinner now a days not cleaning up **** anymore lol

Refiner

Good on you, Pia! You sound MORE than ready. If it were me, I'd email him stating there's nothing to talk about unless it is about why you are not signing off on the divorce papers. Do you each have an attorney?

Pia

Hi Refiner- No I did it myself since it would be an uncontested divorce. Everything is mine prior to marriage house,car etc. I'm just leaving him alone . He knows what he needs to do and I am not really in a rush anyways. Once we are divorce my house insurance and vehicle will go up because I get a marriage discount . I also have learned that when I force something to happen it never turns out the way I envisioned, so I don't do it anymore.

Refiner

OH ok. I didn't know you could draw up a divorce without an attorney. My divorce was also uncontested but we still needed an attorney but that was 16 years ago. I sure hope he doesn't want to start to "contest" it then because I believe legally he's entitled to half of everything. At least in the state I'm in.

Pia

I saw an attorney b4 and was told if it was purchased prior to marriage he wasn't entitled, only if it was acquired during the marriage period. If he did I would go after his man toys and he wouldn't like that.

I am hoping he doesn't start bothering me. I wrote my feelings in my journal and hope to leave it there and enjoy my weekend. I am actually going to HOPEFULLY invite friends over. Since I have been with husband no one has wanted to come around, they said he was creepy and had a uncomfortable vibe.
So I am going to clean and cut the yard today. I hope you have a nice weekend as well.

Pia

So AH is trying again he wants to talk. I hate to open that can of worms again. It simply does no good. Why does he keep trying?

SparkleKitty

If you're done, you're done. You don't owe him anything. It doesn't really matter why he keeps trying; it isn't your problem anymore.

Pia

I just dont know howelse to push him to finish the divorce to finally end it all.

SparkleKitty

Can you let your lawyer do it?

biminiblue

Why don't you force this divorce issue? Have you spoken to an attorney at all? Do you know for a fact that any trouble he gets into will not come back to bite you?

I would have had that divorce over with a long time ago. You can get divorced without his signature. This is worth paying an attorney a few hundred bucks.

Pia

Ive told him numerous times to finish the divorce. He just says ok and then doesn't. I dont have a lawyer i did the paperwork and filed myself.
I hate to talk to him or any interaction because i know he will tell me what i want to hear or agree on but then doesnt follow through. I get bent out of shape talking to him and im exhausted and then angry by the time im through. Ive set my cell phone to automatic hang up on his calls now.

biminiblue

You could talk to a lawyer and get divorced without your husband's signature. That's what I'm saying. You may not even need a lawyer.

Google "Divorce without spouse signature" and your state.

Obviously he's not going to help you, here.

Pia

Let me look into it. thank you for the suggestion.