scaredikklegoth

I'm really struggling today and no one seems to care. Not my friends, not my Dad (Fiance probably does but he's at work and I don't want to hassle him).

Then again, my Dad is an alcoholic and so are my friends. Dad thinks he has a handle on it because he only drinks at the pub. Well, I suppose he does know he doesn't have a handle on it as he pawned his £900 guitar the other week for £120 and spent nearly all of it in the pub and he knows how stupid that was. I don't think he's going to stop drinking though which is going to be really hard for me as I HATE him when he's drunk. I know that sounds harsh but he is such a pain in the arse when he's drunk and he gets utterly wankered and expects everything to stop when he walks into the room so he can waffle on about a load of bull****. And if, heaven forbid, we don't stop what we're doing, he sulks.

I've only know him a few years btw so I don't know if he's always been like this. I imagine he has.

At least he's utterly broke atm so he cant go but the moment he gets any money, he's gonna go straight to that pub, drink 8 pints and then come home and be a ****. I used to handle it by getting drunk so he wouldn't annoy me as much. Now I suppose I'll just have to look at him and be glad that my nose hasn't turned red yet.

As for my friends, they obvs really don't want to look at their own drinking habits (both immediately went through the whole 'Oh well, I only do this and this' thing to justify why their drinking wasn't a problem) which means that I don't have anything to say to them right now.

I feel alone and usually when I feel alone, I drink. Christ, this is hard.

Meraviglioso

I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I am feeling the same way today. This is really hard. But we have so many great examples right here about how it definitely is possible. Sending you a warm hug.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 4 SIG stick close to SR it is hard and I'm sorry about your pops

biminiblue

I don't know how old you are, but is it possible for you to move into your own place? I would make sobriety my #1 goal, and moving away my #2 goal.

Glad you're here. You can't do anything about anyone except yourself. Take care of you.

FeelingGreat

You're not along Sacred when you've got SR. I don't want to sound harsh but you need to look after your own emotions and not expect everyone to rally around and support you.
I've found that if I tell people I stopped drinking they immediately start justifying their own drinking, and I really don't care. But I remember doing the same thing myself. Becoming sober is a threat to many people because they might know they're drinking too much.
You must rely on your own determination not to drink, and praise yourself because you're strong.

FarToGo

the first 4 days are really hard, well done you. Hold on tight and do whatever you need to do to avoid drinking, maybe thinking of having to do those first 4 days over again as motivation. Some physical activity works for me, can you get out for a walk, window shopping, sweep the path............... anything?

scaredikklegoth

Thanks everyone, you're such lovely supportive people. I'm really glad I came here ^_^

My Dad is living with Fiance and I while he looks for work and saves up for his own place (he paid for this place out of his redundancy money for us. Very long story) so I cant escape him and his drinking. If it gets to be a big problem then I suppose I'll have to have a word.

I would LOVE to go out for lunch or a coffee or something. Anything to distract me from this stupid urge and all the misery that comes with it. But no can do, we're too poor. I'd make a nice dinner for everyone but same problem (have to feed 3 people on £20 this week which is going to be interesting).

I know that, while I am craving wine, I don't actually want to drink any because I want to feel proud of myself to help raise my self esteem which will in turn help me to stay off the booze. Also, I don't ever want my liver to ache again because it was absolutely terrifying and the anxiety was hellish.

Life just doesn't feel worth living right now (not threatening suicide or anything like that, just feeling miserable).

biminiblue

Those feelings at Day Four are totally normal. It will take a few weeks to start feeling normal.

I think I would tell dad he cannot drink or be under the influence while in my home. Yes, there will be drama. It is your home. You have every right to forbid alcohol or drunk people in your own home. If he is going to keep spending every penny on drinking, he's not planning on moving out anytime soon.

There is a section here on this site for Friends and Family of Alcoholics. I think you would find a lot of ideas on how to handle this relationship.

Here's the link:


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

OnMyWay7

You're not alone but I'd have to admit I would drink when I felt lonely also - and when I felt like having a good time - or I wanted a break from something - or when there was a BBQ - you get the idea.

scaredikklegoth

OnMyWay7, ah yes, the 'It's 2pm on a Wednesday and I'm a little bored. Let's get drunk!' Demon. I know him well

biminiblue, I would like to do that but it would be hypocritical of me as I lived with him for nearly three years and was drunk almost the entire time while he was going to work so I'd feel like a douche if I said that to him. Maybe he'll quit one day. I hope so.

Berrybean

Loneliness is a BIG trigger. If felt it a lot when I first moved areas. Thankfully I made some good friends at AA, and where I volunteer to help with a creche and make teas. Would AA or volunteering be a possibility for you? AA will help you stop watching (and criticising) the drinkers, and give you people who can offer support and advice. And volunteering's a great way to meet some lovely people, and get a bit of a buzz while distracting yourself from the drink.

How come you're at home all day? If you're unemployed you might be able to get a gym referral from the doctor as an aid to sobriety (anti-depressant and all that). Very much depends on your area though.

Getting inventive with your groceries might distract you a little as well, trying to plan a week on £20!

Anna

As others have said, the first week is really tough and know for sure that this is something that will improve. Loneliness is often a problem in early recovery because we have to make big changes in our lives. Hopefully you can find some new activities and new, sober friends before too long.

120degrees0ut

Its really difficult having to be around someone whos drunk or drinking in front of U isnt it? U got alotta good comments here. i dont know how to use the quotes or id quote members great advice. U want your physical health to be good of course. Also remember your mental health..cuz i think its crucial in very early sobriety. At least it was for me. Dont let yourself be miserable! Do something that makes U Happy today! My Dad was an alcoholic when i was a kid so i know. but my Mom forced him into treatment. Note forced! I dont like being around people drunk or drinking when im having my own hard time staying sober. Anyways think of something positive to do. Just something that keeps U and your mind busy. Like the other day I organized a closet and boxed up some things to make more room. I do stuff like that so i dont even think about alcohol cuz im busy doing something...

Soberwolf

Were going to be here for you now & whenever you need

Spk soon SIG

PurpleKnight

SR is in your corner, Day 4 is fantastic!!

Rar

Great job on Day 4. Hang out here when you're lonely or feeling blue. We're all here for you.

scaredikklegoth

Thanks guys ^_^

I managed to resist the booze at the supermarket (couldn't afford it anyway) and I'm feeling good about that.

Beccybean, I hope I didn't sound sanctimonious as obviously I cant really criticise anyone else for their drinking habits. It's just that my Dad and I have a complex relationship (I only met him a few years ago) and the only big arguments we've had have been when he was drunk so him being drunk makes me anxious.

MyNewStart

You will start liking day Seven very soon! Hang in there...at least that's what I'm telling myself. I'm on day four as well. Let's go get day 7.

Berrybean

You didn't sound sanctimonious at all. You just sounded like it's getting to you, and making you anxious and (if you feel anything like I did in your position, living with a heavily drinking partner at the start of society) this could turn into feeling quite resentful eventually. Fear; Anger; Resentment: All of those can be a big threat to your sobriety.

The biggest lesson I personally had to learn at the start of this journey, was about removing myself emotionally from things I can't control (usually people, and what they think and do, but it can be other things). This is why the serenity prayer is so useful, as it reminds me to accept the things I cannot change; have the courage to change the things I can;
And look for the wisdom to know the difference.

At the start I tried to impose my ideas and my will onto my partner. This did NOT make for a happy environment, and consequently it made me feel worse, and him drink more. In the end I felt lonely and enraged for much of the time. On top of this,, my closest friends were all big drinkers and had hatched a darstardly 'Sobriety Sabotage' plan (which they admitted to several months later). It was an uncomfortable time. Anyway, when I let go, stopped getting angry about it and accepted that his (and my friends) drinking is none of my business and worked on my own recovery, he started to watch and ask me things. I don't want to 'jinx' the situation but at the moment he now only drinks on Saturday and Sunday (although he is usually a big stoopid mess on those days) but I just make other arrangements and stay out of his way. He mentioned last night that he'd like to cut it down to just Saturday. I just smiled and said, "Oh right. That sounds good" but did not start getting embroiled in that conversation.

Anyway - you're doing great. Keep up the good work, and try to just focus on yourself, and your own sobriety.

PS Did you think of some good cheap dinners? I love pasta, and pulses, and jacket potatoes, and they're my 'poverty before payday' week stand bys. Nothing like home made spicy lentil and veg soup either. And so cheap to make - the frozen chopped Basics veggies are fine for that as well.

Soberwolf

Keep up the good work SIG