is this a relapse?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 21
is this a relapse?
Hi everyone,
My husband has been an alcoholic for most of his adult life (he's 59). We've been married nine years. After his second DUI last year he had a major change of heart and turned his life around. Obvious changes to everyone who knows him. He stays at a hotel near work during the week because he lost his license for a year, but sends his son videos of himself doing a breathalyzer several times a day because he wants to stay accountable. All has been well up to this point, sober for 15 months.
My daughter discovered the other day that our two full 8 oz bottles of Rx cough syrup with codeine are each down to 3 oz. Mine was filled three weeks ago and hers was still full from last year. There are only the three of us in the house, so its apparent my husband took it. Between the two there are about 50 teaspoons missing. He did come down with what I had and took some two nights when he was coughing, but even if he didn't measure, that's wayyy too much.
I'm not sure what to make of this. Is this a relapse? Could it be something else? Am I too quick to assume it's bad news or is that my denial kicking in?
Thanks in advance for your insights.
My husband has been an alcoholic for most of his adult life (he's 59). We've been married nine years. After his second DUI last year he had a major change of heart and turned his life around. Obvious changes to everyone who knows him. He stays at a hotel near work during the week because he lost his license for a year, but sends his son videos of himself doing a breathalyzer several times a day because he wants to stay accountable. All has been well up to this point, sober for 15 months.
My daughter discovered the other day that our two full 8 oz bottles of Rx cough syrup with codeine are each down to 3 oz. Mine was filled three weeks ago and hers was still full from last year. There are only the three of us in the house, so its apparent my husband took it. Between the two there are about 50 teaspoons missing. He did come down with what I had and took some two nights when he was coughing, but even if he didn't measure, that's wayyy too much.
I'm not sure what to make of this. Is this a relapse? Could it be something else? Am I too quick to assume it's bad news or is that my denial kicking in?
Thanks in advance for your insights.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi darl, your instinct is probably right. Cough syrup certainly used to contain alcohol (check with the pharmacist) so assuming it does now, it would have been risky of your AH to have any at all. Once we As taste alcohol we're in dangerous territory.
All I can suggest is you ask him, but don't be surprised if he denies it. You'll soon become aware if he's relapsed.
All I can suggest is you ask him, but don't be surprised if he denies it. You'll soon become aware if he's relapsed.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
I'm an alkie but the reality is any substance could help me escape the underlying issues. Many alkies avoid substances like medicines with narcotics in them for that very reason. Codiene, depending on the alkie, can be a big no no.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
If the rest of the positive behavior you described is being maintained by him, I'd say don't jump to conclusions. I am not an expert, but this doesn't sound like a relapse.
My understanding of a relapse is a retraction back to past behaviors, and alcohol eventually becomes a part of the past patterns repeated.
My understanding of a relapse is a retraction back to past behaviors, and alcohol eventually becomes a part of the past patterns repeated.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Always trust your gut feelings, as they never lie the way people do.
I would be inclined to hide both bottles of cough medicine and sit back and watch his demeanor this coming weekend. If he gets all stressed out and very moody you’ll have your answer.
I would be inclined to hide both bottles of cough medicine and sit back and watch his demeanor this coming weekend. If he gets all stressed out and very moody you’ll have your answer.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 21
Thank you all.... I had a sense that something hasn't been right the past few weeks, just some minor behavior that was a little more self centered than normal, reminiscent of his active drinking days, and forgetting things I just told him minutes ago, also things he did when he drank, but dismissed it. Now seeing this I'm wondering if he's trying to get a fix there since he can't get anywhere to buy gin.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by darlacfp 
Thank you all.... I had a sense that something hasn't been right the past few weeks, just some minor behavior that was a little more self centered than normal, reminiscent of his active drinking days, and forgetting things I just told him minutes ago, also things he did when he drank, but dismissed it. Now seeing this I'm wondering if he's trying to get a fix there since he can't get anywhere to buy gin.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Dar, I am so sorry, but you need to go about your business. Don't let his screw up take over you again. His relapse is just that, his relapse. They say....
It isn't my job to reward him for sobriety or punish him for drunkenness.
Hugs my friend and take care of you and your child.
It isn't my job to reward him for sobriety or punish him for drunkenness.
Hugs my friend and take care of you and your child.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
My X was drinking Nyquil like crazy for a while and telling me he was not drinking. Um...whatever. He also took my pain pills that I did not need after a surgery I had. I was so shocked! It goes to show me, he will do anything for a fix. Geez.
I am sorry. Many hugs to you.
I am sorry. Many hugs to you.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Call it a relapse or a slip, or maybe he really did have a bad cough and needed some relief...it's the ongoing behaviors that will show the truth.
When stealing narcotic cough syrup they're supposed to refill it with OTC non-narcotic cough syrup so we don't know.
He needs to up his game.
When stealing narcotic cough syrup they're supposed to refill it with OTC non-narcotic cough syrup so we don't know.
He needs to up his game.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
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It could be that he did drink the cough syrup because of the cold, but that he took "too much" because as an alcoholic, limits are off limits! This may be a new area for him that he needs to be aware of and take precautions as to what kind of cold medicine is "healthiest" for him as an alcoholic.
It could be just a live and learn situation. I'd be more concerned about the behavior changes. All you can do is get on with your business... And, for me, I think it is perfectly fine to ask how he is doing with everything... not in an accusing manner, just genuine parnter, "hey, how you hunny?"....
It could be just a live and learn situation. I'd be more concerned about the behavior changes. All you can do is get on with your business... And, for me, I think it is perfectly fine to ask how he is doing with everything... not in an accusing manner, just genuine parnter, "hey, how you hunny?"....
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Maybe he can't sleep. Sleep patterns for alcoholics for years after quitting are very screwed up. Maybe he just needed to sleep and found it helps. Why not ask him? If he is open about his recovery to the point of showing a video using a breathalyzer if sober he should be open to talk about your concerns.
If he gets defensive and angry when asked that would be key for me that he relapsed.
If he gets defensive and angry when asked that would be key for me that he relapsed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 21
Couldn't ask him about it until last weekend because he stays in a hotel near work all week due to his license suspension.
I asked him if he had been struggling lately or if anything was wrong, and brought up the cough syrup. He said he only took it the weekend he was home and sick, and now realizes he took too much but was only trying to knock it out before he went back to work. He seemed very sincere and still insists he is not having any struggles, no desire to drink.
It boggles my mind that he could have taken 50 1 teaspoon doses in one weekend without passing out when 1 teaspoon knocks me out all night. Time will tell.
Thanks for your help.
I asked him if he had been struggling lately or if anything was wrong, and brought up the cough syrup. He said he only took it the weekend he was home and sick, and now realizes he took too much but was only trying to knock it out before he went back to work. He seemed very sincere and still insists he is not having any struggles, no desire to drink.
It boggles my mind that he could have taken 50 1 teaspoon doses in one weekend without passing out when 1 teaspoon knocks me out all night. Time will tell.
Thanks for your help.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
darlacfp.....honestly, an alcoholic will look y ou straight in the eye and telly you that they aren't drinking while they are holding a drink in their hands.
mine did exactly that!
Actually, it doesn't matter if he admits it or not. You already KNOW what you need to know. Nothing will change that. You know what you know...you can't unknow it.
About the 50 teaspoons....he has a much higher tolerance than you do---his liver makes it so.....
That is about 16 tablespoons....not that much for an addict---especially if they WANT to get a little bit high. Especially if he is a heavy-built guy.....
dandylion
***If you were in the Sahara Desert and were out of water and dehydrated....I'll bet you would steal some if you got a chance....
That is what the compulsion is like for the alcololic who is actively drinking...
mine did exactly that!
Actually, it doesn't matter if he admits it or not. You already KNOW what you need to know. Nothing will change that. You know what you know...you can't unknow it.
About the 50 teaspoons....he has a much higher tolerance than you do---his liver makes it so.....
That is about 16 tablespoons....not that much for an addict---especially if they WANT to get a little bit high. Especially if he is a heavy-built guy.....
dandylion
***If you were in the Sahara Desert and were out of water and dehydrated....I'll bet you would steal some if you got a chance....
That is what the compulsion is like for the alcololic who is actively drinking...
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