simplex

I'm coming up on 120 days the 21st of this month which I'm very thankful for, but I find myself having self-esteem issues off and on from about the 80 day mark. Today it is flaring and I feel like I can't do what I need to do to be successful career wise or relationship wise or anything. Basically I don't feel like I'm enough.

I'm 30 driving for Uber and still trying to finish my undergraduate in design. The drinking put me behind again (this is my third school) but I'm so close to graduating (1 to 1.5) with all my major specific classes. I have two tests and a project due next week and I feel like I'm not going to do well. I hate not having any confidence in myself. My old go to solution was go to the bar and just drink to feel better about myself. But that always leaves me with a hangover and lower self worth the next day. Basically that isn't an option for me but it's been bugging me lately like who cares you just need to escape.

It's like things are going well but my confidence in my own ability to put in the work to keep them as well as I can on my end is not there. Maybe it comes with time?

Thanks for letting me vent I have 5 things I need to be doing but my drive is taking a break I guess. I think I have a fear of being successful but at the same time I have this big ego that seems to be built on false pretenses. I don't know I'm rambling, thanks for being there.

melki

Give it some time, it will all sort itself out. Just keep doing what you know is right and everything will fall into place.

Della1968

I struggled big-time at 3-5 months. I am the queen of self sabotage....I used to wait for the other shoe to drop then if it didn't I would find a way to make it drop. It will get much better. You will come to a point that you are ok with and trust yourself.

JK130

You're doing great! I can hear your resolve to stay sober

You also sound tad weary. Keep your eyes on the prize (that new diploma) and start to think about what's next for you with a whole exciting, alcohol free world to explore!

D122y

Consider a f2f AA meeting? You might be involved already? But, I made my third one and it is a good thing. Hearing people talk about relapse after relapse, loss, and pain, and the how the program works is grounding.

simplex

Thanks everyone that makes me feel a lot better. Maybe a good bit of it is fatigue I will get to bed early tomorrow's a new day!

melki

Good call!

WantToDoThis

Being only 5 days away from 120 days sober is no small feat! You've come a really long way, and you have a professional goal. You're working and going to school at the same time--that is not an easy thing in and of itself.

When I was a serious, competitive runner, I used to worry that something would happen and I wouldn't be able to finish the race. Then, I started to visit the finish line a day before so I could see what it would be like to cross the finish line. It sounds stupid, but that little habit made me a better runner and gave me a positive vision that most of the time over-rode my worries.

Think about your graduation. You're almost there!

teatreeoil007

Be patient with yourself. You are on the right track.

FeelingGreat

Simplex you've just sketched out a life of achievement and motivation, and giving up alcohol is a step that many many people never have the insight to undertake. Most people have mood variations, some more than others, and if you're used to drinking to relieve your feelings you're probably struggling with finding a new method.
Group support, positive affirmations, 5 minute meditations - there are many things you can try.

Soberwolf

120 days is fantastic

PurpleKnight

Great job on 120 Days!! You can do this, keep pushing through!!