Rosiepetal

So I got a ring from the school principal yesterday informing me that my 11 year old has been cutting.
Her friend has also been doing it.
It is not with knives but needles.
I gained access to her phone & have read messages that are rather disturbing.
It took a while for her to come out with what was troubling her but eventually at night we talked & she said everything that has been going between me & her Dad (her Dad has been absent from her life since July, his choice), the death of her football coach recently (cancer) & her best friend had not been very nice to her recently.
I go to court tomorrow for a directions conference (like a pre hearing) to try to gain some direction. I am going to try to get the court to reestablish contact with their father. He has not filed his papers so no idea what he wants or if he'll even turn up.
This is very sad for my daughter.
I am sad that her father can also be one of the causes to her anger.
Please keep me in your thoughts & prayers.
I been trying to gain stability for my kids since 2007. It has been a long haul.
Now I am seeing the results of the constant battle her father puts our family through.

maia1234

Rosie,
I am so sorry for your pain. I know seeing this young child in so much pain must kill you. I think that you need to get this mess over with between you and her Dad. Obviously for 8 years your kids have suffered. I would tell the attorney this needs to get done with.

Please get your daughter some help, therapist or alateen. She needs it soon, as you don't know what else she could do to herself.

Hugs my friend!!

Rosiepetal

I've been trying to get this mess over with for years but their Dad always finds something else to bring in or some court application that disrupts what we have & makes life unplannable & insecure. It's so dam frustrating. It shouldn't be aloud & this is clearly the reason why it shouldn't be allowed.

maia1234

Tell Dad he has a daughter who is cutting her self. She will have those scars the rest of her life. My dentists daughter cut herself. (she was anorexic, this was just another byproduct of her eating disorder) I ran into them at the store years ago and she had a short sleeve on and her arms were so bad. Please explain to him the dire need to end this pain for your kids, not even you. If he has an ounce of compassion he would do it for this child that is hurting so bad.

I would do what ever it takes to end it, so you can save you and your kids. Don't let him take down your whole family. She is young enough she can heal!!

Hugs Rosie!!

hopeful4

Oh sweetie, I am sorry. I have been in this boat w/my daughter. She got the idea from a friend. I took her to a counselor who I know helps girls who have this issue, and luckily it was not too serious, nor did it last very long.

Is she in counseling? If not, I would get her there right away, with someone who knows how to handle this.

Much love coming your way for you and your DD!!!!

Rosiepetal

I am out of court now.
Contact is to be re-established with father as I asked as of next week.
The holiday rotation is to be as my calendar.
Term 4 is to be as my calendar.
Parental Order to be altered to have a start date at 2016 to avoid future confusion.
Court to mark calendar out for both of us & give copy.
I still have unanswered questions & the courtroom is so hard to talk in when you can only speak at certain times & you are self represented.
Once the calendar comes out for 2016 it will answer my questions anyway.
So for now it is a good result, contact reestablished, my calendar schedule continues for rest of the year by which time the court would've provided me & XH with a calendar for 2016.
This should alleviate the need for us to communicate except for special days required.
Still unsure if I have to go to a hearing to defend my breach but presume judge is throwing that out of court as he said the applications where definitely not necessary.

ShootingStar1

I hope that you (and your daughter) are not expecting more from your husband than he can deliver.

If he has not been in touch with your daughter, then a Court calendar may not make much of a difference.

I think real issue is your daughter's longing and feeling of being incomplete and unworthy. She may have to solve that, with a therapist, within herself. It would probably be best for her own self worth to understand that, no matter what her father does or does not do, it has nothing to do with her. It is purely a reflection of his disease, and his choice not to get healthy.

ShootingStar1

LemonGirl

I'm sorry if I respond with a demeanor that is ill informed here, but if her dad isn't making an effort to see her and he is unstable, then why resume contact with him and your daughter? It doesn't sound like a good idea to me, as if it will solve the problem with her cutting herself or help her feel any better.

Because I don't know the whole situation, I can only guess that her dad is an alcoholic? Is he actively drinking? Even in recovery, him not fighting to see his daughter regularly is a red flag.

Please forgive my bluntness, but if it were me, I'd let him go on his merry way and get busy with teaching my daughter that her importance does not rely on him and his actions.

I grew up having to visit with my real dad and he was no good for me. That contact did me more damage than good, and I still grew up with that hole. It's not about having a relationship with a parent; its about having a good, stable, and healthy relationship with a parent.
As an adult, I really wish my mother had just kept me from him and taught me how to be a whole person and how to love myself. I'm sorry you're going through this!!! I hope everything works out and wish you and your daughter wellness...

ladyscribbler

I'm dealing with something similar with my ex. After essentially abandoning our son for a year (no child support, phone shut off, moved in with someone without telling anyone) he suddenly decided he was entitled to shared custody. After that got thrown out of court he decided he was entitled to unsupervised visits.
For a mom with a custody dispute like this you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you try to cut contact with "daddy" or don't follow the parenting plan exactly he'll use it against you in court (of course the plan doesn't apply to him, only to you, and heaven help you if there is one ambiguous syllable of language or tiny crack open for negotiation) but if the court proceedings don't go exactly the way he wants, then he cuts the kids out of his life and blames you anyway.
So sorry Rosie. I know how awful this is for you and your kids. Your ex is the one who instigated all of this but you are the ones suffering. Sending strength and hugs your way.

Rosiepetal

Gosh ladyscribbler that's identical situation. My XH was absent for 2 and half years then went for shared custody. Dragged us through a year and a half court process then got order then back to court when he didn't agree with order!
The children had requested they want to have a relationship with their father. The court takes the childrens best interests & requests into account.
The past 2 days both children, one 11 & 1 nearly 15 have both voiced over several occasions how they are upset about the lack of interest or contact their father has had with them. It's awful.
He has damaged his relationship with his kids.
Contact starts next week & it will be up to them all to repair the damage.
If he ever abandons them again then yes I think it will be over for him & his kids.
He is not an alcoholic but a narcissist #!%+!
In the meantime I have organised a major sporting event at my eldest childs school over many months & we had that yesterday & it went off well. My youngest was off playing rep football out of town & had an absolute ball.
Where the children go in life will be up to my hard work & guidance.
They are doing well.
The relationship with their father is between them & him & the issues they face are thanks to him.