Need Some Help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Need Some Help
Hi, I'm new here. I'm married to an alcoholic. My husband and I have been married 9 yrs, together 11. For the first 9 years he was the most wonderful, kind man. The last 2 have been a living hell. We have gone through a lot together. I lost both parents, had a brain hemmorage a few yrs ago, and his mother's health is failing.
He has always drunk, but now he hides his bottle, and drinks, I think to live. He is very verbally abusive to me. It used to be only a few days a week, but now it's nightly.
It seems like he becomes a different person, almost a switch was turned on. I'm finding now he isn't rembering what he has said to me and is calling me a liar. He doesn't want to quit. I asked him and he stated no. He told me you knew I drank when you married me.
I am not a young woman, and love my husband. My heart is breaking. I had no control over what happened to my body. He is making a conscious choice to abuse himself. Not one day goes by that I don't wish to have my old body back. This is my first step, hoping to find some help and support in this forum. Every story I've read could be my story. Thank you
He has always drunk, but now he hides his bottle, and drinks, I think to live. He is very verbally abusive to me. It used to be only a few days a week, but now it's nightly.
It seems like he becomes a different person, almost a switch was turned on. I'm finding now he isn't rembering what he has said to me and is calling me a liar. He doesn't want to quit. I asked him and he stated no. He told me you knew I drank when you married me.
I am not a young woman, and love my husband. My heart is breaking. I had no control over what happened to my body. He is making a conscious choice to abuse himself. Not one day goes by that I don't wish to have my old body back. This is my first step, hoping to find some help and support in this forum. Every story I've read could be my story. Thank you
Hi, and welcome. I don't think your husband is "making a conscious choice to abuse himself." Alcoholics have lost the ability to control their drinking, and their thinking becomes very warped in the process. Nobody "chooses" to be an alcoholic.
I hope you will find an Al-Anon meeting and stick around this forum. We all understand what it's like, and you can learn some ways to make your own life better, and get your head clear so you can decide how you want the rest of your life to look.
Alcoholism is progressive, as you've already observed, and unless and until he is ready to quit drinking--something that doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon--it will continue to progress.
I hope you will find an Al-Anon meeting and stick around this forum. We all understand what it's like, and you can learn some ways to make your own life better, and get your head clear so you can decide how you want the rest of your life to look.
Alcoholism is progressive, as you've already observed, and unless and until he is ready to quit drinking--something that doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon--it will continue to progress.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ozone Park, NY
Posts: 18
Welcome!
He may not be ready to quit drinking, but that doesn't mean you can't find some support for yourself. I just joined this website yesterday and already feel more hopeful about my future.
I say, congrats on this first step, and maybe you could consider attending your local Al-Anon group. I wish I had gone to Al-Anon to deal with what was happening with my mother.
Again, welcome and congratulations. Best of luck to you and your husband!
He may not be ready to quit drinking, but that doesn't mean you can't find some support for yourself. I just joined this website yesterday and already feel more hopeful about my future.
I say, congrats on this first step, and maybe you could consider attending your local Al-Anon group. I wish I had gone to Al-Anon to deal with what was happening with my mother.
Again, welcome and congratulations. Best of luck to you and your husband!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Thank you
Hi, and welcome. I don't think your husband is "making a conscious choice to abuse himself." Alcoholics have lost the ability to control their drinking, and their thinking becomes very warped in the process. Nobody "chooses" to be an alcoholic.
I hope you will find an Al-Anon meeting and stick around this forum. We all understand what it's like, and you can learn some ways to make your own life better, and get your head clear so you can decide how you want the rest of your life to look.
Alcoholism is progressive, as you've already observed, and unless and until he is ready to quit drinking--something that doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon--it will continue to progress.
I hope you will find an Al-Anon meeting and stick around this forum. We all understand what it's like, and you can learn some ways to make your own life better, and get your head clear so you can decide how you want the rest of your life to look.
Alcoholism is progressive, as you've already observed, and unless and until he is ready to quit drinking--something that doesn't appear to be happening anytime soon--it will continue to progress.
I actually was afraid to even come on this forum, because it validates that all of this is real. Again thank you
BUT
By coming here, learning more abut yourself, taking care of yourself and getting some support for YOU is going to change your life forever in amazing ways. (((HUGS))) Welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Nice to hear from you
Welcome!
He may not be ready to quit drinking, but that doesn't mean you can't find some support for yourself. I just joined this website yesterday and already feel more hopeful about my future.
I say, congrats on this first step, and maybe you could consider attending your local Al-Anon
group. I wish I had gone to Al-Anon to deal with what was happening with my mother.
Again, welcome and congratulations. Best of luck to you and your husband!
He may not be ready to quit drinking, but that doesn't mean you can't find some support for yourself. I just joined this website yesterday and already feel more hopeful about my future.
I say, congrats on this first step, and maybe you could consider attending your local Al-Anon
group. I wish I had gone to Al-Anon to deal with what was happening with my mother.
Again, welcome and congratulations. Best of luck to you and your husband!
Forgiving is one thing, but you don't have to take verbal abuse. One other suggestion I have is to contact your local women's shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and talk with an advocate. Verbal abuse is still abuse. Depending on where you live, you might be eligible for a protective order. Even if you aren't, the advocate can help with a referral for counseling or other services that might help. It's completely confidential.
I've worked in the DV field for a very long time and I've had victims of physical abuse tell me that the verbal abuse was actually harder to live with, and to recover from.
I've worked in the DV field for a very long time and I've had victims of physical abuse tell me that the verbal abuse was actually harder to live with, and to recover from.
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