Jacqueline85

Really having a hard time , stopped for a month and it was dreadful . On top of that I disassociate a lot so I get confused when I have a sponsor who hasn't contacted me for weeks I get discouraged . Last week completely terrible relapse . I'm tired going to be thirty and am a chronic relapsed . I miss the life I had prior to this which was playing music sober . Addiction took that away . Again Tomorrow in going to go to meeting I'm just feel like in searching for a different reality and also know I need to find work and never thought this would be me at thirty ! You Guys can get me through day to day I ask for everyone's love and insight . Daily !

Soberwolf

Hi Jacqueline welcome to SR youl find tons of support here

Dee74

Hi and welcome Jacqueline

I quit drinking at 40, so there's more than enough time for you to write a Chapter 2 to your story.

I got back into my music too, sober...never say never

D

NestWasEmpty

Jacqueline , Welcome to SR !! There are class's you can join here for every month . Check out Sept's thread , could keep you busy getting to know others

melki

Part of living a sober life is facing reality and taking ownership... It's hard to do once you've come to rely on the escape and oblivion of alcohol. You can do it though. One day at a time, start rebuilding your life. The first brick is staying sober through each day.

We're here to help and listen! Welcome to the forum.

D122y

Hi Jacqueline...

We can give you all the support in the world.

Have you tried the first 3 steps of AA. They are pretty easy to try.

Give them you 100% effort. It worked for Bill and me.

Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous

Posted w permission AAWS Inc.

Bills Story, pg. 13, Para. 2.

You can do it. If it works, it is a spiritual awakening. It is explained in the BB.

D122y

Ps....

I read the dread comes from not enough interaction w like minded folks.

Post any time you start to feel dreadful. We will respond soon.

This is part of the process.

Also, there are sponsers available on hot lines for that voice to voice interaction.

Jacqueline85

Thank you for all the support . Today has been very depressing. Overwhelmed with what will happen in toe months when I'm out of unemployment and will have to have a job by then . That mixed with kicking through the addiction literally makes me do depressed I laid in bed until 3pm . I have done step work have not had the miracle happen yet . I feel like taking the edge off and I feel like I don't know what will be happening in two months . I'm on unemployment . I live in Los Angeles. Don't have many friends and find this forum
More supportive . Closest to a spiritual awakening I had was a few weeks back listening to a speaker explain certain concepts very simply and something lit up in me that had not for ten years and I knew it was god . Before. My relapse.
I appreciate and read every reply ! Thank you all

Dee74

Try and not think too far ahead right now maybe Jacqueline?

2 months is a reasonable amount of time to feel better, and find a new job...and have some savings from your current job

D

thomas11

Hi Jaquiline85, welcome. This community and the people in it are here to help you in every way they can. I recommend posting as often as wanted or needed, starting as many threads as necessary and reading as much as time allows. Before I joined I probably read a 100 hrs of posts. You asked for help and support daily and this place can provide that. Even more helpful is that it is global, meaning someone is always here. I wish you the best.

thomas11

I agree with Dee, trying to take on too much can become overwhelming and just add to the anxiety. I try to avoid offering advice as I am not one with long term sobriety. That being said, focus on yourself, be a little selfish, don't drink, do whatever necessary to get a clear head, healthy mind, try and eat and get hydrated. Once you get to that point, you can tackle the larger challenges that are in front of you. 2 months is a good stretch of time to get things together, create a plan and execute said plan. Alcohol may provide temporary relief but we all know when you sober up, the panic will set in and your problems will seem tenfold. Wish you the best.

Jacqueline85

Thank you for the support in all the messages I've been reading. I wish everyone success and the best. !
Am heading to a meeting and am I'm search of another sponsor that can be more interactive w me .
It scares me how awful dreadful a day can seem .
How depressed one can get. How low low really is . They say my best thinking got me here so I know I need someone to teach me with the books in hand how this works and with going back and forth for years in the rooms it sucks I haven't found a woman who's capable if being there for me and also guiding me . I'm nauseated w a headache and pushing myself to go to a meeting . Will check back in a few hours.

Jacqueline85

Thank you all for reading and listening to what I'm going through

Hevyn

Jacqueline, I'm glad you're here & hope it helps to know you're never alone.

If you go to the meeting, let us know how it goes. Be kind and patient with yourself - better days are ahead.

Verdantia

Hi, Jacqueline. This is a wonderful place to come for support and encouragement. I'm a musician too and playing sober is amazing; I feel so much more relaxed and confident and I have regained my reputation with my colleagues, which I had pretty much destroyed. You are not alone here.

Soberwolf

be kind to yourself

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Jacqueline!!