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Is there anyone who made the decision to stop, and never relapsed?



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Is there anyone who made the decision to stop, and never relapsed?

Old 09-15-2015, 01:28 AM
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Is there anyone who made the decision to stop, and never relapsed?

I keep reading people beating themselves up because they went a huge number of days sober and then caved and drank, like it makes them awful people, like they have let people down, like they're the only ones that have done it.

I get it must be disheartening to go back to day 1, I don't doubt I'll be there myself one day in the near future (fingers crossed I'm not but I'm not that naive), but you are never alone.

It got me thinking, is there anyone who just made the decision to stop and never took another drink?

How many times have you relapsed, or did you relapse before you stayed sober for a number of years?

I'm trying to let others see, you aren't alone in slipping up, I think maybe it just means this plan that I'm supposed to be finding myself (new to recovery) needs to be tweaked a little, no?
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:51 AM
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Relapse is part of my addiction it has nothing to do with my recovery - Dee74

Best advice I have ever got can't explain how that sentence helped me when I used to have the same fears your having for me there is no chance as I'm in recovery and I like it here : )
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Old 09-15-2015, 01:54 AM
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I went back to drinking a load of times over 15 years - I was an all day everyday drinker and every Monday was a fresh start...at least for an couple of hours.

Looking back I can't really say I was committed to recovery any of those times, though - what I was really looking for was a way to drink 'normally'

Since the day I accepted that was not possible for me, I've remained sober... 8 years and counting

Thanks for the quote SW - yeah, I don't believe relapse is inevitable at all...and I think 100% recovery is what everyone has to aim for...it has to be.

but at the same time, everyone here understands how hard this is...and I would think everyone has some experience of what it's like to drink again, especially when it's that last thing you want to do - but it's the only thing your brain can think about....

Noone is alone here, that's for sure - we get it

D
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Old 09-15-2015, 02:16 AM
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My mom did. She made the decision to quit, had one last weekend hurrah and then just stopped. She's been sober nearly 30 years now. I wish I could handle myself the same way!
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Old 09-15-2015, 02:18 AM
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Just for the record it took me 3 months to get sober it was one of the hardest but most fufilling things I've ever done I don't think anyone with a problem could just put the drink down first time it would be kinda contradictory

I just wanted you to know relapse isn't inevitable
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Old 09-15-2015, 03:06 AM
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Once I really decided I didn't relapse, but previous to that I had lots of failed good intentions. The turning point was realising I could never drink again.
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Old 09-15-2015, 03:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Secretdrinker View Post
I get it must be disheartening to go back to day 1, I don't doubt I'll be there myself one day in the near future (fingers crossed I'm not but I'm not that naive), but you are never alone.
...
I'm trying to let others see, you aren't alone in slipping up, I think maybe it just means this plan that I'm supposed to be finding myself (new to recovery) needs to be tweaked a little, no?
This may be your Addiction Voice (AV) talking, suggesting that relapse is an option... Relapse is not inevitable. It doesn't happen to everyone. You read about it here more because it's an active place for people seeking immediate help.

With a year and almost three months, my statistic is not very impressive yet, but I plan to avoid relapse at all cost. I try to never lose sight of recovery and don't allow myself even an option to think about the relapse, ever. I may not have another recovery in me and the thought of being sucked back into that hell scares me a lot. It's much harder to get back on track after relapses. Once the decision's been made, the focus should be onward, on the recovery.

What did you mean about tweaking your plan?
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Old 09-15-2015, 03:17 AM
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For me what counts the most on becoming sober . Is to never give up trying Yes the amount of time adding up sober is wonderful , but never giving up the fight to keep pushing is ( for me ) the Key !! Even though we fall , you have the sober time before that - which is not lost . You have learned & grew some sober muscles , to get up & push on ..
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Old 09-15-2015, 03:48 AM
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Relapse is not inevitable unless you allow yourself

there are plenty of people here who have gone long periods in sobriety. I am four and a half years in sobriety with the help of SR. It's not over till the fat lady sings ...............it's not over............it's arrested.

staying sober is a lot easier than getting sober
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Old 09-15-2015, 04:03 AM
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There were plenty of times when I thought it would be a good idea to stop but I wasn't serious or committed about it.

In March 2013 I made up my mind this time would be different. I fell (lightly) at the starting gate but that was it, now it's over two and a half years.

The difference was that I accepted that I could not drink normally, that is enjoy one or two, I would always drink to be drunk. Accepting that was the beginning of my wonderful sober life.
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Old 09-15-2015, 04:07 AM
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Great post
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Old 09-15-2015, 04:08 AM
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Recovery "stats" involve a lot of grasping for numbers. Everyone has their own journey - some choose to pick up many times and never get sober. Others are very serious and don't simply wish for recovery but work it, hard - daily.

For me, much like my drinking quitting was a progression until I became serious and made a life changing decision. I refer to it at times as the new season in my life.

Today I simply focus on the solution and don't concern myself with picking up. I do the "work" daily and have started to find some balance in life.

Glad you'r here with us!
Thanks for the thread
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Old 09-15-2015, 04:10 AM
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Back in 2013 I had gone 9 months without drinking. This was the longest i had ever been by far; before I hadn't had two days in a row for years. I relapsed and still to this day, I don't know why. I think it was because I never really closed the door on drinking in my mind. I always told myself that "one day I might drink again". My AV took advantage of the open door and I did drink again that one day. It didn't take me long to be right back to where I had left off, drinking all day and every day.

Bottom line, now I don't leave any room for my AV. I simply know if I want a happy life without alcohol's destruction then I can't drink again.

When / if we relapse, we need to learn from our mistakes. I know I did.
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Old 09-15-2015, 04:27 AM
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It takes what it takes. I think it is a first step issue. Some get beat into submission and show up while some get beat into very uncomfortable places and show. The second category are more prone to relapse when they stop, the fires get put out and they reach comfort. There is never that deep level of surrender here so the program is not truly used to treat alcoholism, only the symptoms which drinking is a symptom or solutions.

I know many that showed up at all ages, young and old, that are still sober. I have friends thatI got sober with in the 80s while we were in our teens that are still sober today.

I did not make it, but There is no doubt in my mind that I never had a first step even after 33 years in and out AA and perhaps 10 treatments.
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Old 09-15-2015, 04:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Marcher13 View Post
There were plenty of times when I thought it would be a good idea to stop but I wasn't serious or committed about it.


The difference was that I accepted that I could not drink normally, that is enjoy one or two, I would always drink to be drunk. Accepting that was the beginning of my wonderful sober life.
Marcher 13 really hit the nail on the head. I had "thought" about slowing down or quitting for years. But in the back of my mind, all I really wanted to do was to drink normally. When it finally got to the point where I was impatiently waiting for my kids to get on the school bus in the morning so I could have my first drink, I finally became committed to stop. Recovery is going to be a one day at a time journey for the rest of my life. But it is so worth it,as I look back on five months sober!
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Old 09-15-2015, 05:04 AM
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This is a great thread
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Old 09-15-2015, 05:09 AM
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I got sober at 21 on my first serious attempt via treatment and AA and it lasted 30 years, most of which were pretty contented until near the end.

It had looked to me like I'd be one of those people who never relapsed, but surprise, surprise -- I took it for granted, stopped using my recovery tools, and eventually stopped caring about it at all.

It didn't take long after I relapsed to be reminded how good I'd had it, but it took me 4 1/2 years to actually make it back. I know a lot of people who got sober and never relapsed.
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Old 09-15-2015, 05:48 AM
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I also remember times when I had worked the steps or found a spiritual life and thought I had cured myself. Nope, the disease never goes away.

The progressive nature of our intake never lessens no matter how long we stay clean. I think this is more a function of the GABA feedback loop. Once it is open, its open and continues to get larger the more we consume no matter how long we stay away.

Since my teens, I have always fought so hard not the be an alcoholic. I did everything under the sun from mens groups to church to make myself normal instead of actual accepting the disease and treating my addiction.

Alcohol and drugs are the absolute best treatment for alcoholism. It shuts down that chatter inside my head and reduces that fear in the pit of my stomach. It puts me in the present and gives me a sense of well being. The relief is quick and requires little work.

The solution is so simple for a normal person. Accept very basic spiritual help to get out of constantly thinking about self (fear and self-centeredness) that keeps the mind in the past or future or go on to the bitter end consuming more and more until everything around you is destroyed.

It is that notion that we can still somehow indulge successfully, even some of the time, without dire consequences that makes grasping the first step impossible. The inability to grasp the second part of the first step has been my biggest issue to date. No first step, no lasting recovery.
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Old 09-15-2015, 06:11 AM
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Addicts relapse, a lot. But it doesn't have to be that way. I have known a few people over the years that stopped and have stayed that way. Not the norm however. The relapse mentality can be dangerous because, like they say, you may have another drunk but you may not have another recovery. Its a balance between not beating yourself up, but not giving yourself (and others) permission to drink. I'm not a believer in tough love but sometimes brutal honesty, with oneself, is required. When I have relapsed it is because I failed at truly accepting that I can never drink again. Surrendering the fight to try to drink and not have terrible consequences. That just doesn't work. I believe, and this may not be popular, that most often an addict has to get to a point where drinking/drugging is more painful than not doing it. Where it simply does not provide any kind of payoff...even if the payoff is negative. I guess a person has to be done. Until then, most continue to relapse. I am a stubborn person...I'll do it my way thank you...even if I am miserable. Pretty stupid thinking. I think if a person can learn from the people who have been there, not say to themselves 'well, that hasn't happened to me' or 'I'm not that bad'. Just take at face value that it WILL get that bad if they keep drinking...those people might not relapse. But stubborn, thick headed, self pitying fighters like me? Its more challenging. So today I won't drink. That'll have to do Good questions....
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Old 09-15-2015, 07:10 AM
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It took me a few tries. I tested the water and tried to moderate. I failed miserably. Many day 1's with shame, guilt, sadness. I'm not a religious person, but I cried and asked for strength everyday. I'm now at day 101. It can be done, but only you can make the decision. I'm very grateful for all of you.
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