Children/Teens and Alcohol
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Location: California, USA
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Children/Teens and Alcohol
I have read quite a few threads where the person started drinking very early. Many mentioned childhood depression and anxiety, some spoke of trauma and/or other issues as reasons for drinking at a young age.
For those of you who have experience with/knowledge of childhood/youth depression and anxiety leading to alcohol use/abuse...what do you think would have prevented that early addiction? How can we help our young people? Is anyone successfully supporting a young person to not pick up/reject alcohol when there ha been a problem?
Thanks for sharing.
For those of you who have experience with/knowledge of childhood/youth depression and anxiety leading to alcohol use/abuse...what do you think would have prevented that early addiction? How can we help our young people? Is anyone successfully supporting a young person to not pick up/reject alcohol when there ha been a problem?
Thanks for sharing.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
I've openly shared our struggles and family addiction history with my oldest... Hope this helps. I started drinking very early but was exposed to it early too. We have alcohol-free house now and I hope this lowers the chances for my kids. I am preaching abstinence and practicing what I'm preaching. But I really don't know how it's going to go down the road for them... I'm just really really hopeful they avoid following our paths...
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: QLD
Posts: 173
I picked up my first drink when I was 14, it was my mum's.
Both my parents were alcoholics. I always saw mum hiding her empty bottles around the house. Always saw dad stumble in drunk and beat her. It was the norm. Both parents were emotionally and physically unavailable. We raised ourselves, fended for ourselves, fed ourselves from the minute we could use the toaster. It was only when I started going round to my friends houses and seeing their parents, warm and loving toward eachother, happy households, no alcohol, that I realised my family wasn't right.
My dad was abusive,my mother weak. The beatings stopped when he left when I was 15. Dad had always been the one to ensure the house stayed tidy, treated us like slaves, made sure we got great grades or else.
When he left, mum took her foot off the gas, totally. She hit the bottle harder, she had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a mental institution.Diagnosed with schizophrenia. All us kids got put with family members or into foster care.
I went to live with nan. She was a hard woman. Didn't have a motherly instinct in her body.
I learned to cut as a way of coping with the pain of being totally abandoned. I had no one. No friends left because I had become a recluse. I stayed in my bedroom almost 24/7 and no one came to see why.
At 15 I started on antidepressents and alcohol. It felt good to block it all out.
I had no one to talk to, no one cared, not a soul. I was so alone. I hurt so much inside.
I broke down one time to my mum on one of her brief visits to see her children. I told her about the cutting, about the alcohol. She asked to see my arms. I showed her with tears pouring down my face.
She took one look, got up off the bed, walked out of the door and never mentioned it again.
It broke my heart, literally felt like she'd ripped it out. Why did she always have to get all the help, the whole family worried about her, her mental health, her alcoholism, it was always about her,no one paid attention to her 5 children. The only time they did was to shout and call us scum when one of us did something bad like steal from a shop etc.
It's not a happy ending for any of us kids. We have all grown up with some sort of addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or all 3, with abusive partners.
How can we help our young people?
Give them a voice. Let them be heard. Let them know they are loved. What is SO wrong with a teenager wanting attention? It is the most important time in their lives, when they grow emotionally the most and experiences shape who they are going to become as an adult.
Let them know they are not alone.
Both my parents were alcoholics. I always saw mum hiding her empty bottles around the house. Always saw dad stumble in drunk and beat her. It was the norm. Both parents were emotionally and physically unavailable. We raised ourselves, fended for ourselves, fed ourselves from the minute we could use the toaster. It was only when I started going round to my friends houses and seeing their parents, warm and loving toward eachother, happy households, no alcohol, that I realised my family wasn't right.
My dad was abusive,my mother weak. The beatings stopped when he left when I was 15. Dad had always been the one to ensure the house stayed tidy, treated us like slaves, made sure we got great grades or else.
When he left, mum took her foot off the gas, totally. She hit the bottle harder, she had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a mental institution.Diagnosed with schizophrenia. All us kids got put with family members or into foster care.
I went to live with nan. She was a hard woman. Didn't have a motherly instinct in her body.
I learned to cut as a way of coping with the pain of being totally abandoned. I had no one. No friends left because I had become a recluse. I stayed in my bedroom almost 24/7 and no one came to see why.
At 15 I started on antidepressents and alcohol. It felt good to block it all out.
I had no one to talk to, no one cared, not a soul. I was so alone. I hurt so much inside.
I broke down one time to my mum on one of her brief visits to see her children. I told her about the cutting, about the alcohol. She asked to see my arms. I showed her with tears pouring down my face.
She took one look, got up off the bed, walked out of the door and never mentioned it again.
It broke my heart, literally felt like she'd ripped it out. Why did she always have to get all the help, the whole family worried about her, her mental health, her alcoholism, it was always about her,no one paid attention to her 5 children. The only time they did was to shout and call us scum when one of us did something bad like steal from a shop etc.
It's not a happy ending for any of us kids. We have all grown up with some sort of addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or all 3, with abusive partners.
How can we help our young people?
Give them a voice. Let them be heard. Let them know they are loved. What is SO wrong with a teenager wanting attention? It is the most important time in their lives, when they grow emotionally the most and experiences shape who they are going to become as an adult.
Let them know they are not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by melki 
I've openly shared our struggles and family addiction history with my oldest... Hope this helps. I started drinking very early but was exposed to it early too. We have alcohol-free house now and I hope this lowers the chances for my kids. I am preaching abstinence and practicing what I'm preaching. But I really don't know how it's going to go down the road for them... I'm just really really hopeful they avoid following our paths...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by Secretdrinker
I picked up my first drink when I was 14, it was my mum's.
Both my parents were alcoholics. I always saw mum hiding her empty bottles around the house. Always saw dad stumble in drunk and beat her. It was the norm. Both parents were emotionally and physically unavailable. We raised ourselves, fended for ourselves, fed ourselves from the minute we could use the toaster. It was only when I started going round to my friends houses and seeing their parents, warm and loving toward eachother, happy households, no alcohol, that I realised my family wasn't right.
My dad was abusive,my mother weak. The beatings stopped when he left when I was 15. Dad had always been the one to ensure the house stayed tidy, treated us like slaves, made sure we got great grades or else.
When he left, mum took her foot off the gas, totally. She hit the bottle harder, she had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a mental institution.Diagnosed with schizophrenia. All us kids got put with family members or into foster care.
I went to live with nan. She was a hard woman. Didn't have a motherly instinct in her body.
I learned to cut as a way of coping with the pain of being totally abandoned. I had no one. No friends left because I had become a recluse. I stayed in my bedroom almost 24/7 and no one came to see why.
At 15 I started on antidepressents and alcohol. It felt good to block it all out.
I had no one to talk to, no one cared, not a soul. I was so alone. I hurt so much inside.
I broke down one time to my mum on one of her brief visits to see her children. I told her about the cutting, about the alcohol. She asked to see my arms. I showed her with tears pouring down my face.
She took one look, got up off the bed, walked out of the door and never mentioned it again.
It broke my heart, literally felt like she'd ripped it out. Why did she always have to get all the help, the whole family worried about her, her mental health, her alcoholism, it was always about her,no one paid attention to her 5 children. The only time they did was to shout and call us scum when one of us did something bad like steal from a shop etc.
It's not a happy ending for any of us kids. We have all grown up with some sort of addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or all 3, with abusive partners.
How can we help our young people?
Give them a voice. Let them be heard. Let them know they are loved. What is SO wrong with a teenager wanting attention? It is the most important time in their lives, when they grow emotionally the most and experiences shape who they are going to become as an adult.
Let them know they are not alone.
Both my parents were alcoholics. I always saw mum hiding her empty bottles around the house. Always saw dad stumble in drunk and beat her. It was the norm. Both parents were emotionally and physically unavailable. We raised ourselves, fended for ourselves, fed ourselves from the minute we could use the toaster. It was only when I started going round to my friends houses and seeing their parents, warm and loving toward eachother, happy households, no alcohol, that I realised my family wasn't right.
My dad was abusive,my mother weak. The beatings stopped when he left when I was 15. Dad had always been the one to ensure the house stayed tidy, treated us like slaves, made sure we got great grades or else.
When he left, mum took her foot off the gas, totally. She hit the bottle harder, she had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a mental institution.Diagnosed with schizophrenia. All us kids got put with family members or into foster care.
I went to live with nan. She was a hard woman. Didn't have a motherly instinct in her body.
I learned to cut as a way of coping with the pain of being totally abandoned. I had no one. No friends left because I had become a recluse. I stayed in my bedroom almost 24/7 and no one came to see why.
At 15 I started on antidepressents and alcohol. It felt good to block it all out.
I had no one to talk to, no one cared, not a soul. I was so alone. I hurt so much inside.
I broke down one time to my mum on one of her brief visits to see her children. I told her about the cutting, about the alcohol. She asked to see my arms. I showed her with tears pouring down my face.
She took one look, got up off the bed, walked out of the door and never mentioned it again.
It broke my heart, literally felt like she'd ripped it out. Why did she always have to get all the help, the whole family worried about her, her mental health, her alcoholism, it was always about her,no one paid attention to her 5 children. The only time they did was to shout and call us scum when one of us did something bad like steal from a shop etc.
It's not a happy ending for any of us kids. We have all grown up with some sort of addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or all 3, with abusive partners.
How can we help our young people?
Give them a voice. Let them be heard. Let them know they are loved. What is SO wrong with a teenager wanting attention? It is the most important time in their lives, when they grow emotionally the most and experiences shape who they are going to become as an adult.
Let them know they are not alone.
Thank you SecretDrinker for sharing your story and offering advice,
I was a secret drinker too. At least I thought I was. I only have me so my recovery is my own too.
Sadly, you have so much trauma in your childhood. You are stronger now, and so brave to decide that you are DONE with alcohol. It's inspiring to join you on your journey to health! Post often and let us help!
Sober, you'll be able to enjoy paying attention to your own children. You will raise emotionally healthy people- What a wonderful gift! You deserved love and attention when you were young, and you deserve it now.
Be well.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
I wish I could have talked to my parents, or have them talk to me - or even have a meaningful discussion about drugs and addiction at school....
but none of that ever happened in my country 30-40 years ago, so I went headlong into booze and drugs blind really.
D
but none of that ever happened in my country 30-40 years ago, so I went headlong into booze and drugs blind really.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Oh my gosh SS....I thought I had it rough. You are a survivor for sure. I always refer to my childhood as 'feral'. My house was the Wild West for sure. I didn't need to go anywhere for drugs and alcohol. I was fed them by my brothers starting at nine. Ugh. My parents were non existent. They did pay the bills however so I'm grateful for that.
I have tried to be really honest and open with my daughter about everything. You are so right that kids simply need to be heard and loved and accepted for exactly who they are. And most of all protected. I have made huge mistakes for sure. Fortunately even my drinking is freaky. I usually drink alone and go long stretches between benders. That's not to say I haven't hurt my daughter, I have. But so far she seems pretty good. She attends alateen and is very educated about the risks of drinking. I never have booze in the house either. I think many teenagers, or even younger, get their first taste of booze from their parents liquor cabinets. Like you I remember being shocked going to my friends houses. What? Your parents aren't drunk? I truly thought that was normal. I also only realized in the past couple of years that blanking out most of my life before 18 isn't normal either. I can barely remember anything before the age of 11. Pretty creepy.
Hang in there
I have tried to be really honest and open with my daughter about everything. You are so right that kids simply need to be heard and loved and accepted for exactly who they are. And most of all protected. I have made huge mistakes for sure. Fortunately even my drinking is freaky. I usually drink alone and go long stretches between benders. That's not to say I haven't hurt my daughter, I have. But so far she seems pretty good. She attends alateen and is very educated about the risks of drinking. I never have booze in the house either. I think many teenagers, or even younger, get their first taste of booze from their parents liquor cabinets. Like you I remember being shocked going to my friends houses. What? Your parents aren't drunk? I truly thought that was normal. I also only realized in the past couple of years that blanking out most of my life before 18 isn't normal either. I can barely remember anything before the age of 11. Pretty creepy.
Hang in there
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
(UK) Alcohol awareness for young ppl
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
These sorts of things are excellent imo in the age of the internet young ppl are proberly targeted more by alcohol companies than anyone else some have been pulled up about it and fined I believe
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
These sorts of things are excellent imo in the age of the internet young ppl are proberly targeted more by alcohol companies than anyone else some have been pulled up about it and fined I believe
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
I started drinking at 16, to cover up long standing mental health issues. I had gone to the doctor on a few occasions with huge anxiety or depression, but they hoped I would grow out of it.
Looking back now, all of my current MH problems were present then. I wish they had been treated back then and I might not have got myself into this mess. Not that I'm blaming anyone, I can imagine it is very difficult / sensitive to treat MH issues in children. We all thought I'd grow out of it.
There were a few big flare ups that I remember vividly. One time, around 15-16 I fully convinced myself that I had leukemia. Ridiculous right? But I had myself in this mindset and, at that age, couldn't comprehend what was happening, it was terrifying. I had more instances of chronic worry / depression after that too which went untreated. I started drinking young to try to alleviate my anxiety. I would seek down and steal booze out my parents liqueur cabinet in the middle of the night (on a school night!), if I couldn't sleep. In my mind then though alcohol was a solution. It took me a further 5 or 6 years up until now when I am doing something about it.
It went on like that for years, trauma suffered in that time allowed me to increase my intake. I managed for a few years, but by the end (23) I was a depressed mess. I lost a beautiful person in my former partner, I still think about her every single day, nearly two years on. It breaks my heart.
So the answer to the OP is yes, I wish I was treated earlier, but I'm very proud of myself for doing something about it now
Looking back now, all of my current MH problems were present then. I wish they had been treated back then and I might not have got myself into this mess. Not that I'm blaming anyone, I can imagine it is very difficult / sensitive to treat MH issues in children. We all thought I'd grow out of it.
There were a few big flare ups that I remember vividly. One time, around 15-16 I fully convinced myself that I had leukemia. Ridiculous right? But I had myself in this mindset and, at that age, couldn't comprehend what was happening, it was terrifying. I had more instances of chronic worry / depression after that too which went untreated. I started drinking young to try to alleviate my anxiety. I would seek down and steal booze out my parents liqueur cabinet in the middle of the night (on a school night!), if I couldn't sleep. In my mind then though alcohol was a solution. It took me a further 5 or 6 years up until now when I am doing something about it.
It went on like that for years, trauma suffered in that time allowed me to increase my intake. I managed for a few years, but by the end (23) I was a depressed mess. I lost a beautiful person in my former partner, I still think about her every single day, nearly two years on. It breaks my heart.
So the answer to the OP is yes, I wish I was treated earlier, but I'm very proud of myself for doing something about it now
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
I had a loving household, maybe a little too over protective and it was constantly harped on me to not use drugs, not to drink etc.
But in high school I started to use both- got in trouble many times over it. Grades suffered my first year in college because of it, so my parents pulled me out. So it might also have something to do with the person. I wanted to rebell because I couldnt do what all my other friends were doing- going to sleepovers, going to the mall without parents, going over to peoples houses without parents being home etc...
For me I just wanted to rebel since I wasnt happy about what other parents let their kids do. I was afraid of what my parents would say if I got a B instead of an A on a test, so I lied about it, got in trouble etc. B's were said to be acceptable if that was the best I could do, but if I got a B I wouldnt be able to go out on the weekends...
But in high school I started to use both- got in trouble many times over it. Grades suffered my first year in college because of it, so my parents pulled me out. So it might also have something to do with the person. I wanted to rebell because I couldnt do what all my other friends were doing- going to sleepovers, going to the mall without parents, going over to peoples houses without parents being home etc...
For me I just wanted to rebel since I wasnt happy about what other parents let their kids do. I was afraid of what my parents would say if I got a B instead of an A on a test, so I lied about it, got in trouble etc. B's were said to be acceptable if that was the best I could do, but if I got a B I wouldnt be able to go out on the weekends...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by Dee74
I wish I could have talked to my parents, or have them talk to me - or even have a meaningful discussion about drugs and addiction at school....
but none of that ever happened in my country 30-40 years ago, so I went headlong into booze and drugs blind really.
D
but none of that ever happened in my country 30-40 years ago, so I went headlong into booze and drugs blind really.
D
Your heartfelt service on this site helps us all heal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by soberwolf
(UK) Alcohol awareness for young ppl
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
These sorts of things are excellent imo in the age of the internet young ppl are proberly targeted more by alcohol companies than anyone else some have been pulled up about it and fined I believe
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
These sorts of things are excellent imo in the age of the internet young ppl are proberly targeted more by alcohol companies than anyone else some have been pulled up about it and fined I believe
https://www.alcoholconcern.org.uk/wh.../young-people/
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
I always refer to my childhood as 'feral'. My house was the Wild West for sure. I didn't need to go anywhere for drugs and alcohol. I was fed them by my brothers starting at nine. Ugh. My parents were non existent. They did pay the bills however so I'm grateful for that.
I have tried to be really honest and open with my daughter about everything. You are so right that kids simply need to be heard and loved and accepted for exactly who they are. And most of all protected. I have made huge mistakes for sure. Fortunately even my drinking is freaky. I usually drink alone and go long stretches between benders. That's not to say I haven't hurt my daughter, I have. But so far she seems pretty good. She attends alateen and is very educated about the risks of drinking. I never have booze in the house either. I think many teenagers, or even younger, get their first taste of booze from their parents liquor cabinets. Like you I remember being shocked going to my friends houses. What? Your parents aren't drunk? I truly thought that was normal. I also only realized in the past couple of years that blanking out most of my life before 18 isn't normal either. I can barely remember anything before the age of 11. Pretty creepy.
Hang in there
I have tried to be really honest and open with my daughter about everything. You are so right that kids simply need to be heard and loved and accepted for exactly who they are. And most of all protected. I have made huge mistakes for sure. Fortunately even my drinking is freaky. I usually drink alone and go long stretches between benders. That's not to say I haven't hurt my daughter, I have. But so far she seems pretty good. She attends alateen and is very educated about the risks of drinking. I never have booze in the house either. I think many teenagers, or even younger, get their first taste of booze from their parents liquor cabinets. Like you I remember being shocked going to my friends houses. What? Your parents aren't drunk? I truly thought that was normal. I also only realized in the past couple of years that blanking out most of my life before 18 isn't normal either. I can barely remember anything before the age of 11. Pretty creepy.
Hang in there
I admire you, and can't even imagine living with so much drugs and alcohol at such a young age. Carry on
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by BringingBackB
I started drinking at 16, to cover up long standing mental health issues. I had gone to the doctor on a few occasions with huge anxiety or depression, but they hoped I would grow out of it.
Looking back now, all of my current MH problems were present then. I wish they had been treated back then and I might not have got myself into this mess. Not that I'm blaming anyone, I can imagine it is very difficult / sensitive to treat MH issues in children. We all thought I'd grow out of it.
There were a few big flare ups that I remember vividly. One time, around 15-16 I fully convinced myself that I had leukemia. Ridiculous right? But I had myself in this mindset and, at that age, couldn't comprehend what was happening, it was terrifying. I had more instances of chronic worry / depression after that too which went untreated. I started drinking young to try to alleviate my anxiety. I would seek down and steal booze out my parents liqueur cabinet in the middle of the night (on a school night!), if I couldn't sleep. In my mind then though alcohol was a solution. It took me a further 5 or 6 years up until now when I am doing something about it.
It went on like that for years, trauma suffered in that time allowed me to increase my intake. I managed for a few years, but by the end (23) I was a depressed mess. I lost a beautiful person in my former partner, I still think about her every single day, nearly two years on. It breaks my heart.
So the answer to the OP is yes, I wish I was treated earlier, but I'm very proud of myself for doing something about it now
Looking back now, all of my current MH problems were present then. I wish they had been treated back then and I might not have got myself into this mess. Not that I'm blaming anyone, I can imagine it is very difficult / sensitive to treat MH issues in children. We all thought I'd grow out of it.
There were a few big flare ups that I remember vividly. One time, around 15-16 I fully convinced myself that I had leukemia. Ridiculous right? But I had myself in this mindset and, at that age, couldn't comprehend what was happening, it was terrifying. I had more instances of chronic worry / depression after that too which went untreated. I started drinking young to try to alleviate my anxiety. I would seek down and steal booze out my parents liqueur cabinet in the middle of the night (on a school night!), if I couldn't sleep. In my mind then though alcohol was a solution. It took me a further 5 or 6 years up until now when I am doing something about it.
It went on like that for years, trauma suffered in that time allowed me to increase my intake. I managed for a few years, but by the end (23) I was a depressed mess. I lost a beautiful person in my former partner, I still think about her every single day, nearly two years on. It breaks my heart.
So the answer to the OP is yes, I wish I was treated earlier, but I'm very proud of myself for doing something about it now
I'm so you are receiving care now, and know how to ask for what you need. I think that you have experiences and insight that can help us all. You SHOULD be proud
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by jryan19982
I had a loving household, maybe a little too over protective and it was constantly harped on me to not use drugs, not to drink etc.
But in high school I started to use both- got in trouble many times over it. Grades suffered my first year in college because of it, so my parents pulled me out. So it might also have something to do with the person. I wanted to rebell because I couldnt do what all my other friends were doing- going to sleepovers, going to the mall without parents, going over to peoples houses without parents being home etc...
For me I just wanted to rebel since I wasnt happy about what other parents let their kids do. I was afraid of what my parents would say if I got a B instead of an A on a test, so I lied about it, got in trouble etc. B's were said to be acceptable if that was the best I could do, but if I got a B I wouldnt be able to go out on the weekends...
But in high school I started to use both- got in trouble many times over it. Grades suffered my first year in college because of it, so my parents pulled me out. So it might also have something to do with the person. I wanted to rebell because I couldnt do what all my other friends were doing- going to sleepovers, going to the mall without parents, going over to peoples houses without parents being home etc...
For me I just wanted to rebel since I wasnt happy about what other parents let their kids do. I was afraid of what my parents would say if I got a B instead of an A on a test, so I lied about it, got in trouble etc. B's were said to be acceptable if that was the best I could do, but if I got a B I wouldnt be able to go out on the weekends...
Helping children/teens manage stress is really hard. Your story highlights the complexity of alcoholism, and the different ways we've all come to this place. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
this is a really tricky one....
I began drinking at age 14. I'm sure - looking back - that my own anxieties and confusion and sadness and just general 'trying to figure out where and how to fit in' were a part of it.
And I'm sure that starting so young and finding the escape I found in alcohol and drugs were why I quickly became addicted.
I see a billboard around here lately that advertises "WHY WAIT"?? And claims that a person is 90% less likely to become addicted to alcohol if they wait until age 21 to drink. I'm not sure where that statistic comes from, but from a developmental standpoint, it makes a lot of sense.
The teenage brain is in the midst of a massive re-wiring. There are all sorts of processes going on in there - from hormonal changes to an incredible overhaul in the number, type and form of neurological connections. The introduction of alcohol or drugs at that time interferes with and hampers development, and also appears to provide all sorts of 'solutions' to normal teenage 'problems'. It's a dodgy time to be messing with drugs and alcohol - yet it's the time when many if not most become introduced to them.
So, how do we 'solve' it? There's the tricky part. Certainly modeling is important - but many are the stories we've heard on this forum and in the rooms of the alcoholic who grew up in a teetotaling home, or whose parents seldom drank. Why is this? In part, it is due to the fact that whether it is advice and modeling about alcohol or about how to brush one's teeth - the teenage years are years characterized by a break from parental ties, a distancing from the allegiance to parental leadership that was a part of childhood. The teen begins to take his / her lead most critcally and powerfully from his / her PEERS.
A recent article in National Geographic on the teenage brain frames this in an evolutionary context; and it makes sense! The teenager reaches a point at which on some level it is recognized that his / her 'survival' in the world now depends more heavily upon his / her standing in the social fabric he / she will build life upon than on the leadership of his / her parents. And this is one very powerful reason that all the advice and modeling in the world from well-meaning parents will continue to be overwhelmingly ignored by teens.
So then... what? Well, in the late 80's a lot of federal money was poured into drug and alcohol awareness and prevention. Unfortunately, a lot of that is gone now and with it the good programs that were offered to try and get kids leading kids in the importance of avoiding drugs and alcohol. But - even that had limited impact.
In my personal experience, I was a D.A.R.E. member... I was also fortunate to attend several Parnters In Prevention(P.I.P.) events - all peer-based leadership efforts that brought together communities of kids impacted by drugs and alcohol with the idea of building social support for non-drug / alcohol living as a youth.
Despite being invovled in these things, well-connected to support and peer-structures, being well-informed about the dangers and the tragedies of drugs and alcohol - still, I drank and used drugs. Many others did, too.
I believe those early experiences helped my eventual journey to sobriety, though it took decades in my case.
WHAT CAN WE DO THEN??? Well... I think the best we can do is be honest and consistent with children from a very early age. Talk to kids openly and model for them from the time they are four or five about drugs and alcohol - dont' wait until they're teenagers.
Help them to develop strong and healthy patterns of emotional coping, help them be active and socially connected and involve them in activities that build self-confidence and self-respect. Surround them with examples beyond the home and the parents that give them a strong picture of healthy COMMUNITY and what that means with regard to drugs and alcohol. Give them models of success in the world that help them see clear examples of how living free of drugs and alcohol empowers and supports survival and success. ALSO give them clear models and examples of the impact of drugs and alcohol on life, happiness, success and survivial.
Begin all of this when they're young and keep at it - even through the teen age years. Even when the going gets tough. Even when they fight you and rail against being involved in something important. Remember that you're still the parent and it's still your job to fight for their best interest and often that will mean making them mad but forcing them to do what's best for them. Stick with them. Be there. Be curious. If you see the signs - do not look the other way. Do not just accept "Kids will be kids". Don't let a day slip by knowing your kid or another's kid is on the path to danger......
Do all of this and do it as best you can with as much love, compassion and integrity as possible - and know then that you will have done your best.
Then... accept that in spite of it all, your child may become addicted to drugs or alcohol.... because it's insidious stuff, because being human is hard, because this does happen...... And if that becomes the case, carry the message to them; that there is hope, that there is love, that there is happiness and joy and that sobriety is freedom.
I began drinking at age 14. I'm sure - looking back - that my own anxieties and confusion and sadness and just general 'trying to figure out where and how to fit in' were a part of it.
And I'm sure that starting so young and finding the escape I found in alcohol and drugs were why I quickly became addicted.
I see a billboard around here lately that advertises "WHY WAIT"?? And claims that a person is 90% less likely to become addicted to alcohol if they wait until age 21 to drink. I'm not sure where that statistic comes from, but from a developmental standpoint, it makes a lot of sense.
The teenage brain is in the midst of a massive re-wiring. There are all sorts of processes going on in there - from hormonal changes to an incredible overhaul in the number, type and form of neurological connections. The introduction of alcohol or drugs at that time interferes with and hampers development, and also appears to provide all sorts of 'solutions' to normal teenage 'problems'. It's a dodgy time to be messing with drugs and alcohol - yet it's the time when many if not most become introduced to them.
So, how do we 'solve' it? There's the tricky part. Certainly modeling is important - but many are the stories we've heard on this forum and in the rooms of the alcoholic who grew up in a teetotaling home, or whose parents seldom drank. Why is this? In part, it is due to the fact that whether it is advice and modeling about alcohol or about how to brush one's teeth - the teenage years are years characterized by a break from parental ties, a distancing from the allegiance to parental leadership that was a part of childhood. The teen begins to take his / her lead most critcally and powerfully from his / her PEERS.
A recent article in National Geographic on the teenage brain frames this in an evolutionary context; and it makes sense! The teenager reaches a point at which on some level it is recognized that his / her 'survival' in the world now depends more heavily upon his / her standing in the social fabric he / she will build life upon than on the leadership of his / her parents. And this is one very powerful reason that all the advice and modeling in the world from well-meaning parents will continue to be overwhelmingly ignored by teens.
So then... what? Well, in the late 80's a lot of federal money was poured into drug and alcohol awareness and prevention. Unfortunately, a lot of that is gone now and with it the good programs that were offered to try and get kids leading kids in the importance of avoiding drugs and alcohol. But - even that had limited impact.
In my personal experience, I was a D.A.R.E. member... I was also fortunate to attend several Parnters In Prevention(P.I.P.) events - all peer-based leadership efforts that brought together communities of kids impacted by drugs and alcohol with the idea of building social support for non-drug / alcohol living as a youth.
Despite being invovled in these things, well-connected to support and peer-structures, being well-informed about the dangers and the tragedies of drugs and alcohol - still, I drank and used drugs. Many others did, too.
I believe those early experiences helped my eventual journey to sobriety, though it took decades in my case.
WHAT CAN WE DO THEN??? Well... I think the best we can do is be honest and consistent with children from a very early age. Talk to kids openly and model for them from the time they are four or five about drugs and alcohol - dont' wait until they're teenagers.
Help them to develop strong and healthy patterns of emotional coping, help them be active and socially connected and involve them in activities that build self-confidence and self-respect. Surround them with examples beyond the home and the parents that give them a strong picture of healthy COMMUNITY and what that means with regard to drugs and alcohol. Give them models of success in the world that help them see clear examples of how living free of drugs and alcohol empowers and supports survival and success. ALSO give them clear models and examples of the impact of drugs and alcohol on life, happiness, success and survivial.
Begin all of this when they're young and keep at it - even through the teen age years. Even when the going gets tough. Even when they fight you and rail against being involved in something important. Remember that you're still the parent and it's still your job to fight for their best interest and often that will mean making them mad but forcing them to do what's best for them. Stick with them. Be there. Be curious. If you see the signs - do not look the other way. Do not just accept "Kids will be kids". Don't let a day slip by knowing your kid or another's kid is on the path to danger......
Do all of this and do it as best you can with as much love, compassion and integrity as possible - and know then that you will have done your best.
Then... accept that in spite of it all, your child may become addicted to drugs or alcohol.... because it's insidious stuff, because being human is hard, because this does happen...... And if that becomes the case, carry the message to them; that there is hope, that there is love, that there is happiness and joy and that sobriety is freedom.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Originally Posted by JK130
For those of you who have experience with/knowledge of childhood/youth depression and anxiety leading to alcohol use/abuse...what do you think would have prevented that early addiction?
No physical or sexual abuse of any kind. Ok, there were lots of fights in the house during the parties, but that's just red necks being red necks. I was little, so I got left out of the fights.
EDIT: Oh, and growing up gay in a small red neck oil patch town, where if people found out you were gay, you'd generally just get put in the hospital. That may have helped fuel things along.
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