Tomorrow will be 1 month
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Tomorrow will be 1 month
So I was thinking of AH and tomorrow will be 1 month since I asked him to leave and realized he hasn't called or anything. I know this is the best thing but I guess my pride got hurt thinking of it. I don't know why this surprises me so much he was gone all the time when he was here.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Pia,
I am so sorry. You are staying strong and good for you for not reaching out and coming to SR. It is lonely, but we were lonely with them also. I am sure you haven't heard the last of him. Keep your path, work on you and things will work the way that you want them to.
Hugs my friend!!!
I am so sorry. You are staying strong and good for you for not reaching out and coming to SR. It is lonely, but we were lonely with them also. I am sure you haven't heard the last of him. Keep your path, work on you and things will work the way that you want them to.
Hugs my friend!!!
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Thank you maia1234- I'm shaking my head thinking wow 13 years together and dang I was not worth a phone call in 30 days to see how I was. When I told him to leave he probably was happy like he won the lottery to not have a nagging wife.
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Join Date: May 2015
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Hey Pia, 30 days is nothing you probably haven't heard the last from him. My AH has been gone 5 months he only rang to speak to dd or text to threaten me about something or other when he was drunk but this last week he has been ringing constantly driving me mad about everything and anything but I don't even answer him anymore which I think is making him worse... so enjoy the peace while you have it 
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One thing about him is he is not a screaming angry addict. He's never cursed to my face i'm sure with hims family he does. He is just the sneaky quiet kind .example telling me he is at work and then coming home late enough and drunk and high enough to pass out on the couch so we talk for 5 minutes.
I wish I had not thought of him now my mind is all over the place and I am trying to revert it back to me. It's just sad and shameful.
What I don't get is he has never been in trouble never held responsible always gets a pass. And me if I would drive fast I would get a ticket. Why do Addicts seem to get away with everything and ones that are doing right get the short stick. Just huffing and puffing SR.
I wish I had not thought of him now my mind is all over the place and I am trying to revert it back to me. It's just sad and shameful.
What I don't get is he has never been in trouble never held responsible always gets a pass. And me if I would drive fast I would get a ticket. Why do Addicts seem to get away with everything and ones that are doing right get the short stick. Just huffing and puffing SR.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
The A forum told me this, I hope it make you feel better....
When I was drinking, I didn't lie or cheat or hide it, and I don't remember feeling guilty about anything because in my eyes I was never doing anything harmful. When I got sober, and I realized the damage I had done, I about choked on the shame.
Honey, they have a disease. Pray for them, it make the hurt and anger soften!!
When I was drinking, I didn't lie or cheat or hide it, and I don't remember feeling guilty about anything because in my eyes I was never doing anything harmful. When I got sober, and I realized the damage I had done, I about choked on the shame.
Honey, they have a disease. Pray for them, it make the hurt and anger soften!!
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Thank you. I need to remember "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter , it doesn't matter." I have to keep replacing old thoughts and routines with new healthy ones. Its just hard when emotions and hormones are flurrying.
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Location: Chicago
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I think when we are uncomfortable we long for what is familiar, even if we know it isn't healthy for us. It's normal and natural and will fade with time as you develop new behaviors and the grieving is not so immediate. In the meantime, many hugs!
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Oh yes I remember that first month out. AH didn't call me for 12 agonizing days, then he called to tell me that "I could come back home but on his terms." I laughed and hung up the phone. I didn't hear from him again for 15 more days, and he called to say he was sorry and that he didn't mean for me to get out and that he was angry. Sorry is too late I had already filed for divorce at that point. Now I've been back in the area another month now and he calls or texts at least once a day and it drives me NUTS. I have to have some communication with him because of the kids....but I don't want to talk to him because in his world nothing has changed. *I* changed and I will no longer accept his behavior as an integral part of my life.
Sue
Sue
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Originally Posted by LivingLife4Me 
Oh yes I remember that first month out. AH didn't call me for 12 agonizing days, then he called to tell me that "I could come back home but on his terms." I laughed and hung up the phone. I didn't hear from him again for 15 more days, and he called to say he was sorry and that he didn't mean for me to get out and that he was angry. Sorry is too late I had already filed for divorce at that point. Now I've been back in the area another month now and he calls or texts at least once a day and it drives me NUTS. I have to have some communication with him because of the kids....but I don't want to talk to him because in his world nothing has changed. *I* changed and I will no longer accept his behavior as an integral part of my life.
Sue
Sue
I can relate and he would tell me I need to figure out a way to deal with it and let his behavior go. So frustration.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
He's gone. Its for the best. Don't analyze it to death. You spent enough time getting to the point of wanting him gone. Now you don't need to figure out why it was so easy for him. Trust me, kicking and screaming would be worse.
You were never primary in his life. You took a back seat to his addiction.
Now move along to your life that is yours now.
You were never primary in his life. You took a back seat to his addiction.
Now move along to your life that is yours now.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 10
I can completely relate, when my hubs was taking care of his mother he never had time to even make a phone call. It was literally 1-2 hours a month. There's not a doubt in my mind that if I left him he would go and never look back.
It's agonizing to know how much you've put into your marriage, and to know your own self worth, and to come face to face with the reality that the person who should cherish you more than anyone else doesn't really love you it even truly care whether or not you exist.
Sigh
It's agonizing to know how much you've put into your marriage, and to know your own self worth, and to come face to face with the reality that the person who should cherish you more than anyone else doesn't really love you it even truly care whether or not you exist.
Sigh
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Originally Posted by maia1234
The A forum told me this, I hope it make you feel better....
When I was drinking, I didn't lie or cheat or hide it, and I don't remember feeling guilty about anything because in my eyes I was never doing anything harmful. When I got sober, and I realized the damage I had done, I about choked on the shame.
Honey, they have a disease. Pray for them, it make the hurt and anger soften!!
When I was drinking, I didn't lie or cheat or hide it, and I don't remember feeling guilty about anything because in my eyes I was never doing anything harmful. When I got sober, and I realized the damage I had done, I about choked on the shame.
Honey, they have a disease. Pray for them, it make the hurt and anger soften!!
Maia, I read that exact post!!!
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