Tangled34

I've been feeling so sad these last few days thinking about the man my AH used to be and all of the good times we had. I can't even remember my life before him. I feel so hard done by that my life has been turned upside down by this horrible disease.

He has been gone from our home for about 5 months now and he was only gone a couple of weeks before he started seeing someone else. She is another party girl who sits at the bar with him and helps him spend his money!

I had been getting on fine for the last few weeks and starting to feel better about myself and then on Saturday night at 4am my phone started ringing and it was AH... I did not answer and he kept on ringing until 5am and sent a text saying goodnight. I was up all night worried about him as this was the first time he has done this since he has been gone! It's just so unfair of him to do this to me! Will I ever stop worrying about him? His treatment of me and dd has been shocking and has no compassion for us so why am I still feeling sorry for him

dandylion

Tangled34....I would estimate that you have a mixture of grieving, co-dependency issues (very common around here), and habit.
It was very commendable that you did NOT respond to him.

I hope you are putting some attention onto your recovery and your own needs....
Self examination, self reflection and coming to understand yourself.

Apparently, he has his own resources for himself!!!!!!!!
He could not have been trying to contact you (especially, at that time of night for any reason that was not self-centered and selfish. Probably very drunk.

dandylion

maia1234

T- he had to find someone to help him do what he likes to do. What better then to find someone who drinks as much as he does. You have to remember their life is not to rosy. He was a mess with you and he is a mess with out you.

GOOD for you for not answering. You are worried, but you didn't show you were worried. You should have turned off your phone so you didn't have to listen to his phone calls. Rolled over and listened to the message in the morning. By sitting and watching the phone you are "letting" him still control you. You did awesome. He was never going to get help on your watch, maybe he will when you are no longer in his life.

Hugs my friend, you did awesome!!!

Tangled34

Yes I had no intention of answering him as nothing he has to say to me at this stage is going to make it ok. The following day he rang to speak to dd (still drunk) and said to me at least I know where I stand now lol.

I know the other girl doesn't mean much and the funny thing about it is a few years ago he would have looked down his nose at her and look at him now! I'm so over that part at this stage!

We have been together since we were teenagers friends before that so a lot of memories and every now and again I get hit with one right in the heart!

I have been seeing a therapist and have tried alanon but it's not for me! I am getting there slowly but surely and I am so much better than I was. I have started to do stuff just for me now and started to go out with my girlfriends again and it's great not to have to worry about him all of the time.

Yup and it's worse he has gotten since he has gone outsiders can even see it at this stage. Hopefully some day he might get help it would be nice for dd but he just has to admit the problem first!!

maia1234

T- you can still love and worry about him from a distance. No one can take that away from us. Pray for him is what all my sober "A's" tell me to do, and I do.

Hugs you are on the right path, baby steps will get you where you are going.