An Insidious Disease
An Insidious Disease
I h ad never really struggled with alcohol before. Was not habitual, didn't need, didn't obsess about it. Was a minor social drinker. Partied some in college with friends. Never drank alone. This continued on. In fact, for many years my alcohol use was "occasional".
But something happened in mid life. Different stressors arose. Changes in me arose. Fatigue. More aches and pains. Some of those changes I did not like. The kids were teenagers. The spouse grated on my nerves more and more. The job was getting old. There were financial strains and pressure and I could see no relief in sight. I started to feel unfulfilled. Many of these things together I think led to depression.
The depression went untreated for quite a while. Well, I guess you could say...I started to treat it myself with alcohol. It started fairly small; one or two drinks in the evening around dinner time when tensions in the home were the highest. I didn't drink every day at first. But, eventually I found myself looking forward to a nightly few drinks. It became a habit. Maybe there is nothing wrong with 1-2 drinks of alcohol a night. But, 1-2 became 3, then four, then I was no longer happy at times with just a buzz and drank to get down right drunk. I remember what drove that desire: to BLOCK OUT unpleasant feelings and thoughts.
Now, I've been trying to quit for a year now, and there have been a few relapses. But each time I quit, I quit for longer periods of time. I realized that I cannot do it on my own and need the help and support of others. At times, I feel tempted to replace the alcohol with something else just as addicting. My depression is being treated with Effexor, this has been helpful in mood stabilization too.
I have found the just being able to share about my struggles helps, whether by attending support groups or writing it down. I feel more convicted now than ever before and wish to return to how I was before I was addicted as I know it was a much healthier and more sane way to be for all areas of my life.
But something happened in mid life. Different stressors arose. Changes in me arose. Fatigue. More aches and pains. Some of those changes I did not like. The kids were teenagers. The spouse grated on my nerves more and more. The job was getting old. There were financial strains and pressure and I could see no relief in sight. I started to feel unfulfilled. Many of these things together I think led to depression.
The depression went untreated for quite a while. Well, I guess you could say...I started to treat it myself with alcohol. It started fairly small; one or two drinks in the evening around dinner time when tensions in the home were the highest. I didn't drink every day at first. But, eventually I found myself looking forward to a nightly few drinks. It became a habit. Maybe there is nothing wrong with 1-2 drinks of alcohol a night. But, 1-2 became 3, then four, then I was no longer happy at times with just a buzz and drank to get down right drunk. I remember what drove that desire: to BLOCK OUT unpleasant feelings and thoughts.
Now, I've been trying to quit for a year now, and there have been a few relapses. But each time I quit, I quit for longer periods of time. I realized that I cannot do it on my own and need the help and support of others. At times, I feel tempted to replace the alcohol with something else just as addicting. My depression is being treated with Effexor, this has been helpful in mood stabilization too.
I have found the just being able to share about my struggles helps, whether by attending support groups or writing it down. I feel more convicted now than ever before and wish to return to how I was before I was addicted as I know it was a much healthier and more sane way to be for all areas of my life.
Welcome to SR teatree
I'm glad you have decided to stop as self medication with alcohol is no medication at all.
Hopefully you will also be in a better place to deal with your depression and its causes eventually ( obviously you can't do all that at once)
All the best teatree
I'm glad you have decided to stop as self medication with alcohol is no medication at all.
Hopefully you will also be in a better place to deal with your depression and its causes eventually ( obviously you can't do all that at once)
All the best teatree
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi there and welcome.
Alcoholism is progressive if not treated so good on you for recognizing the need to stop. And please resist switching to a drug that is just as addicting, whatever that is. It is common to switch addictions or cross addict...not really a solution.
Alcoholism is progressive if not treated so good on you for recognizing the need to stop. And please resist switching to a drug that is just as addicting, whatever that is. It is common to switch addictions or cross addict...not really a solution.
Right now I am not drinking and just restarted the Effexor after being off of it for 3 months. Now I know it wasn't a good idea to stop taking it and I stopped cold turkey and had terrible withdrawl. My doctor got after me for that-I stopped it without telling her. It's my one month anniversary of NO ALCOHOL. I've stopped before, and restarted-usually by being around it in social situations. I've needed to avoid places where alcohol is around, or I am too tempted. I am in outpatient treatment now as well. Counseling and group therapy are helping. It helps to know you are not alone with the problem and there is a lot of support out there. Both alcoholism and depression can cause a person to isolate themselves.
Hi teatreeoil. Have you ever created a recovery plan? Essentially its a list of all the things you'll do to maintain your sobriety. For example,
1. Never pick up a drink again. EVER
2. Exercise (yoga, hiking, Pilates, walking, weights.....)
3. Eat healthy meals
4. Seek support (AA, SR, therapy, etc).
5. New activities: writing, photography, meditation, volunteering, etc.
6. Doctor (sounds like you're covered here)
7. How to handle social situations? How to refuse drinks? Creating exit plans?
8. Learn more about what triggers drinking.
9. Learn more about the underlying causes of anxiety and depression.
Etc, etc, etc,
The point is, your list can be as long or as short as you need. But it needs to address your behaviors and how they will keep you on track for recovery.
1. Never pick up a drink again. EVER
2. Exercise (yoga, hiking, Pilates, walking, weights.....)
3. Eat healthy meals
4. Seek support (AA, SR, therapy, etc).
5. New activities: writing, photography, meditation, volunteering, etc.
6. Doctor (sounds like you're covered here)
7. How to handle social situations? How to refuse drinks? Creating exit plans?
8. Learn more about what triggers drinking.
9. Learn more about the underlying causes of anxiety and depression.
Etc, etc, etc,
The point is, your list can be as long or as short as you need. But it needs to address your behaviors and how they will keep you on track for recovery.
Welcome, and I relate to self-medicating with alcohol. I had no idea I was choosing to go down such a dismal road. I am glad that you are getting your depression treated, and congratulations on a month of sobriety!
Welcome - glad you're here with us!
Thank you for sharing that overview of the progressive nature we all go through to varying degrees. I went from the top shelf to the bottom shelf towards the end - meaning expensive brands to the cheapest, drinking daily.
When I finally sought help from others, everything changed. There exists a kinship of suffering and share the common goal of a solution. It is the tie that binds us and remarkably helpful I have found.
Thanks for the post !!
Thank you for sharing that overview of the progressive nature we all go through to varying degrees. I went from the top shelf to the bottom shelf towards the end - meaning expensive brands to the cheapest, drinking daily.
When I finally sought help from others, everything changed. There exists a kinship of suffering and share the common goal of a solution. It is the tie that binds us and remarkably helpful I have found.
Thanks for the post !!
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