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I drank to block out my husband...

Old 09-14-2015, 10:20 AM
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I drank to block out my husband...

I'm now 8 days sober, but...

He is driving me to distraction, he is so negative, so demoralising, so apathetic, so lazy...

I'm not going to drink today but I totally know why I did and how it worked rather than having to deal with him sober : (((

Things are going to be tough and may have to get worse before they get better...
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:23 AM
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Congrats on 8 days FF. That's a great accomplishment. Keep going strong. You know that drinking will only make things worse.

You're doing great.
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:29 AM
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I don't have a partner anymore (he died almost 4 years ago) and bf and I broke up 2 months ago. Soooo I don't have that complication. That can be good....but loneliness is a huge issue too. I guess I can find anything to drink over...truly. But the truth is it never helps. I'm not minimizing how hard your situation is, but try to detach and not react to him. His issues are his and his alone. Hang in there.
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:30 AM
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Getting sober will enable you to face the issues in your marriage and decide what to do about them. Taking care of yourself first is the most important step .You're doing great - many congrats on 8 days
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:39 AM
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Ff,

Great job on 8 days!!

Stay sober for you, work on you. Our partners have their own issues. It's the norm, not the exception, for us to come out of our alcoholic haze dissatisfied with our relationships. Often a lot of why is their reaction to the tornadoes we create. Sometimes they are messe up themselves. Keep you side of the street clean, work on your recovery, the rest will be revealed.
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:43 AM
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Sorry things are tough with your husband FF

Congrats on day 8 stick close & reach out every time FF
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Old 09-14-2015, 04:13 PM
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Sorry things are rough FF but staying sober is absolutely the right response

D
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Old 09-14-2015, 05:47 PM
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8 days sober is great and I hope you stay focused on your recovery.
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Old 09-14-2015, 05:52 PM
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I'm so sorry Fuzzy! I have had many days in my 41 years of marriage where I don't like the way my husband treats me. It seems to go in cycles of several bad days, then several good days. I frequently (almost always) drank to excess during the bad times. Actually, I drank to excess during the good times too because I was so happy he was in a good mood. Anyway, I've realized that this can't be about him. It has to be about me. I hope you feel the same way. We can do this. Stay strong. We're here for you.
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Old 09-14-2015, 06:54 PM
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I'd get on his ass and hope that he'd leave or do whatever the task was just to get rid of him. When I don't drink I tend to not want anyone around me unless I invite them. Now I know when you married him you didn't invite him to be a pain in your ass. That's just my dark humor.
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Old 09-14-2015, 07:11 PM
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so...if he were different, you'd not need to drink?

that's a devil's advocate-type question

congratulations on your 8 sober days.
if you keep going, you'll learn new ways of "dealing" with reality; you'll have to.
do you have accesss to some f2f support for doing that?
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Old 09-14-2015, 08:01 PM
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Sounds like your husband 'drove you to drink' or you started drinking to cope with him. His negativity may or may not change when you are sober, but you will know if you face it sober you are indeed facing reality. Not always easy to face reality, which is why many seek to avoid it. Sober is the better way. Don't let someone else ruin you.
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Old 09-15-2015, 03:15 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast View Post
Getting sober will enable you to face the issues in your marriage and decide what to do about them. Taking care of yourself first is the most important step .You're doing great - many congrats on 8 days
Thanks everyone! Last night I'd been invited to an Indian meal at a couples house who I didn't know well but I knew they didn't drink.

I left the house sad, mad, frustrated, not in the mood for socialising, fleetingly thought about driving via a shop to have a slug of wine.... But didn't.

Arrived at their house to such a warm welcome, refused alcohol that they'd got just I case I wanted some, drank mint water, ate lovely Indian food, talked about their visits to India, looked at photos, felt inspired, motivated. Then we talked about spirituality and what's important in our lives.

I had an amazing evening, I didn't drink, I don't want to drink today.

But it has also highlighted what amazing interactions I can have with people, just not with my husband....

I will continue to take care of myself and improve my mental wellbeing. If he drives to me to distraction again I will go on the treadmill and climb a mini mountain to get the anger out of my system.

Thanks guys, you're the best : )))))))
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Old 09-19-2015, 06:01 PM
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Originally Posted by foreverfuzzy View Post
Thanks everyone! Last night I'd been invited to an Indian meal at a couples house who I didn't know well but I knew they didn't drink.

I left the house sad, mad, frustrated, not in the mood for socialising, fleetingly thought about driving via a shop to have a slug of wine.... But didn't.

Arrived at their house to such a warm welcome, refused alcohol that they'd got just I case I wanted some, drank mint water, ate lovely Indian food, talked about their visits to India, looked at photos, felt inspired, motivated. Then we talked about spirituality and what's important in our lives.

I had an amazing evening, I didn't drink, I don't want to drink today.

But it has also highlighted what amazing interactions I can have with people, just not with my husband....

I will continue to take care of myself and improve my mental wellbeing. If he drives to me to distraction again I will go on the treadmill and climb a mini mountain to get the anger out of my system.

Thanks guys, you're the best : )))))))
Forever, this is an amazing post I had to reboot it!!!!
Highly inspirational
This is action that leads to positive change, well done!!
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Old 09-19-2015, 07:57 PM
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First off, Congratulations on 8 days!

I'm so sorry that your husband is like that. My ex husband was incredibly negative but I just wish now that I could have been sober throughout it.

I want to thank you for sharing your lovely evening with us! It sounded amazing. It was incredibly motivating for me as well to get myself out there with and meet sober, nice people like that. You've inspired me. Thank you so much.
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Old 09-19-2015, 08:35 PM
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Have you tried marriage counseling?
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Old 09-19-2015, 09:47 PM
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Hi FF,


I feel your pain - I did the same thing and actually the last few years knew I was doing it and why I was but didn't stop drinking until my liver enzymes went up. I'm glad you stopped - please stay stopped. You're worth it.
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Old 09-20-2015, 03:32 AM
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Old 09-20-2015, 10:45 AM
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We tried marriage counselling 5 years ago when my youngest was born. He would argue with me about how much and how often I was feeding him (formula) and one night when I was trying to comfort him at a few weeks old he literally wrestled the baby out of my arms telling me "just put him down and he'll settle" really aggressively. I hated it and I hated him.

We went for counselling and it revealed that we still had a deep bond having been together since we were 17. The trouble is I want a version of him that I don't think exists.

I'm struggling tonight, it's been a tough day with tired kids and I just want a drink, that instant relaxation, switch off, I'm not going to, I'm resolved not yo but I'm really aware of how powerful a mood changer it is. I'm actually really tired, I think once kids have finished their film I could just crash...
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Old 09-20-2015, 02:20 PM
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Were here for you all the way FF
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