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Boyfriend's recovery

Old 09-13-2015, 08:49 PM
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Boyfriend's recovery

I've dated my boyfriend through high school and some in college. When I found out that he was on drugs (weed, cocaine, opiates, and acid - were the ones he told me about), we spilt up for about 5 years. We ended up back together about 3 years ago and I learned that after we split, he had gotten alot worse and ended up using heroine. Throughout these past 3 years, he hadn't used heroine but was taking opiates behind my back.9 during the 5 years when we weren't together, he went to rehab several times.. But since we've been back together, he just decided to go back to rehab again for 6 week program. This is the first time I've had to deal with him going to rehab. It hasn't been but a few days since he's left and I'm dealing with it pretty good. Of course I miss talking to him and seeing him, but my main concern is whether or not this is going to be the last time he has to go to rehab. I know he'll always be an "addict" and is going to live the rest of his life with the struggle of opiates... But once he recovers, how long does he have to be sober before it's "safe" or will it always be a constant struggle for the rest of his life?
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Old 09-13-2015, 09:25 PM
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It's different for everyone... There's not really any magic "safe" place to get to. Once someone gets a year of sobriety people tend to regard them as pretty steady. At that point you know the person's got an idea of how to live sober. But really numbers don't mean much. It's about what you know of the person and how solid their recovery seems to you. People can slip after a day or after 12 years.

It's good that he's trying to get help, and hopefully that he isn't lying to you anymore. But you do have to carefully weigh the reality of being in a relationship with someone who's still trying to get well. I'm newly sober & I know that I can promise my boyfriend that I never, ever want to relapse... but I definitely can't promise him it won't happen. Addiction doesn't make any sense, even to those of us dealing with it.
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Old 09-13-2015, 09:35 PM
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Thank you. I know everyone is different and I've read alot trying to better understand addiction. Before he left he said he promises he's going to TRY not to relapse again, but he couldn't promise me that he wouldn't. I guess I didn't quite understand that because I'm not the addict so I think differently? I'm just trying to better understand so I can help him.
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:28 AM
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Welcome to SR Sweetpea & sorry for what brings you here

I think the best ppl to give true insight are those that have went through something similar my gf moved out at the height of my alcoholism and rightly so I was a mess I think you are loving & brave to stand by your man

But.....

Please please remember you in all of this ... when Mrs sw moved out she said don't phone me il phone you il know if you have changed

I knew this was my 15 year relationship on the line and it was hanging by a thread if I had any chance of saving this I had to save myself while respecting mrs sw every wish which was not to phone her

It's a lot to take on mrs sw went al anon before I went AA to try to understand why I was self imploding

So yeah please remember you

Sorry if I've said this wrong
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:42 PM
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Hi sweetpea, all the best to you and your partner.

SR also has a Friends and Family Thread for people in your situation. You might also find some helpful advise and ideas there
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Old 09-14-2015, 04:06 PM
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Hi sweetpea - like others have said it's an individual thing.

I never went to rehab but I did change my life - so, it is possible.

Like others have said tho, you need to weigh up the situation and decide for yourself whether you want to give this a go or not.

best wishes to you and your bf.

D
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Old 09-14-2015, 07:23 PM
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Hi sweetpea, welcome to sr.

Whether or not your boyfriend stays sober is entirely, completely, totally up to him. Him and his higher power, if he believes that way. Notice I didn't say you. The best and kindest partner can't make us get or stay sober. It's all up to us.

Hopefully, this is his last dance. That would be great. For that to happen he has to fully embrace recovery. It can happen.

I've been sober a little while, and I truly feel recovered to the point that I'm a new, stronger, better person. This is entirely possible. But I also know I'm one drink away from spiralling right back to the sad person I used to be.

It gets better, it gets easier, especially after about a year. I don't spend a ton of time on recovery anymore, but I know I'll have to spend SOME time on recovery for the rest of my life.

But that's ok, this life is wayyyy cooler. I hope he finds his awesome.
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