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Making AA clear

Old 09-13-2015, 07:26 PM
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Making AA clear

Can anyone recommend how I would choose the best AA class to engage with? My problem is that it looks so complicated. So many locations around my city and all of the letter codes. It is so confusing.

I do have a problem to deal with related to alcohol and I am very committed to doing this. It has been 20 years since I awoke with a hangover. I leverage alcohol to the buzz stage and never to the point that the average person would recognize that I have been drinking. It is not affecting my work or my personal relationships.

It's the lie thing that I want to rid myself of. Is AA right for me? What code should I try to find? A sponsor no doubt would be helpful. The two classes that I attended were so deep in devastation for the incredible folks dealing with alcohol. I didn't feel like I belonged there.

As mentioned, I am meeting with a psych this week to help me walk through how to deal with this. Without a doubt, I have the anxiety feeling to deal with a the point of drinking which is why I haven't broken free. I guess that puts me in the alcoholic category. I've much appreciated reading the thoughts, feelings, success and failure recoveries of the group.

Thanks so much.
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Old 09-13-2015, 07:53 PM
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I'm new to AA myself and i have been going to open, discussion (O,D) meetings. This seems to be the most casual and inviting format. Anyone can come, you don't have to be actively working the steps. There's no big book study lesson. You can just listen to people talk about how they relate to a general topic that is usually selected by the chair. You don't have to share. You can meet some nice folks afterwards.
Everyone's experience is different, don't let yourself think you don't belong there if your story doesn't seem "bad enough". If you want to be there you belong there.
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Old 09-13-2015, 08:07 PM
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Upward spiral, thanks for your support. O,D will help me narrow it down. It seems the various locations within a 20 mile range vary greatly in the number of meetings weekly and the types of letter category classes. Thank you.
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Old 09-13-2015, 08:15 PM
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They are really just a bunch of us sitting around talking about what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today, not drinking. Go to any meeting and take a listen. Also xa-speakers.org has some good speaker meetings to listen to.
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Old 09-13-2015, 08:16 PM
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Good luck! If the first group you try doesn't feel right, try another one. They're all different. I found a young people's group that feels like a good fit for me. AA is certainly not a bunch of washed up stereotypes.
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Old 09-13-2015, 08:51 PM
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Upwardspiral is correct. All meeting are different. Go to a few and you will find the one where You belong.
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Old 09-13-2015, 09:14 PM
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Time & location are useful things to think about. If you're looking for other young professionals, choosing a morning or lunch meeting downtown (or near commuting hubs) will often skew that way.

And do keep trying new meetings until you find one that works. I really, really didn't like AA at first. But I've recently found a meeting that I love... very friendly, good gender balance, racially diverse, all ages, and people speak their minds in a way I like (not just slogans or life histories). It's completely changed my mind about AA, and it really is wonderful to have face-to-face support from people I now know and trust.
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Old 09-13-2015, 10:12 PM
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I went to a different one this afternoon in a neighboring small town. Was in the basement of this local to that town church. I had never been there, but I'm also new to the AA meeting thing and was just searching out and felt better to go for a little drive to check it out. I got there and was wondering kinda WTF... Was kinda the 'biker' type one with about 10 bikes parked there. I almost left because I was few minutes late and driving my Audi.. But decided screw it and went in. The one thing with AA meetings I have found there are a variety of people that go to them. I could pick out the biker types, but also there were teachers, business owners, blue collar types the gamete. Was interesting to hear their stories and how friendly they all were. It was a 90 minute meeting with a break in the middle. Where some of them go out and smoke. I don't smoke but went outside anyways. The one guy who was an obvious biker but had that voice that mimicked Sam Elliots to tee pulls me aside and says whats your story since I have so far in all the AA meetings just listened, and I'm recent into recovery. I told him mine of peeing on a bush and being drunk an getting arrested. Guess he got kicked outta a bar in the town over, drove his Harley right through the glass doors of the bar and did a smoky burn out on the tile floors right in front of the bathrooms. Till the cops showed up and arrested him... I dunno about you but my story seemed rather weak... I'm almost thinking I should go to more of these AA meetings because holy crap could you write a novel on it...
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Old 09-13-2015, 10:36 PM
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Oh I should mention this also. This AA meeting had food, samichs, deviled eggs, fruit and all that. wasn't the typical one I have been too before. I could fit in there. They are my people..
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Old 09-14-2015, 12:21 AM
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Originally Posted by MyNewStart View Post
It is not affecting my work or my personal relationships.

A lot of members here like to add one word to statements like the one above: YET
Alcoholism is progressive.
It sounds like you have been going steady and toeing the line for a good, long while. There is certainly the possibility that you could avoid sinking deeper into alcoholism but it also sounds like from your other posts that you are tired of being a slave to the drink. Good decision! It has been the best decision I have ever made.
AA welcomes all types of people. Actually, the group I go to is made up of mostly folks who were like you- moderate drinkers who were tired of the compulsion and habitual nature of their drinking. I actually feel like the most off the wall drunk there and wish there were more people like me who had more dramatic issues!

A few suggestions based on this post and your other post:
I would highly recommend the book "Under the Influence: A guide to the myths and realities of alcoholism" by James Milam and Katherine Ketcham

You can read some excerpts here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

It is a very informative and scientific look at how alcohol affects us, why some people are alcoholics or drink compulsively and also a lot of information about AA.

Another thing I would suggest, or rather second, I believe it was thomas11 who posted on your last thread, that you should find a new habit to replace your nightly routine of having a few drinks. I was doing the sparkling water with lime thing for a while, which is a really refreshing treat, but have found fruit juice to be an even better replacement. Quitting after 20 years is going to be a bit of a shock to your system and your body has become used to all those calories and sugars. Fruit juice will supply the same rush of calories and sugar for your body to process. When I am facing a craving I have only recently found out (I sure wish I had discovered this sooner!) that having a glass of fruit juice or eating a piece of fresh fruit usually stops the craving dead in its tracks.
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
A lot of members here like to add one word to statements like the one above: YET
Alcoholism is progressive.
It sounds like you have been going steady and toeing the line for a good, long while. There is certainly the possibility that you could avoid sinking deeper into alcoholism but it also sounds like from your other posts that you are tired of being a slave to the drink. Good decision! It has been the best decision I have ever made.
AA welcomes all types of people. Actually, the group I go to is made up of mostly folks who were like you- moderate drinkers who were tired of the compulsion and habitual nature of their drinking. I actually feel like the most off the wall drunk there and wish there were more people like me who had more dramatic issues!

.....Quitting after 20 years is going to be a bit of a shock to your system and your body has become used to all those calories and sugars. Fruit juice will supply the same rush of calories and sugar for your body to process. When I am facing a craving I have only recently found out (I sure wish I had discovered this sooner!) that having a glass of fruit juice or eating a piece of fresh fruit usually stops the craving dead in its tracks.
I vote find the closest meeting to your house. Forget about the code, except...for women only....in my case...

As long as the people are nice. I have been to 2 different meetings, same place..different time, different people... and they were both fine.

As I got older, the booze had a stronger effect. It has been a living hell staying clean for 4 months. Each day was a little better though..

Don't make that mistake....alcohol is poisen...stop today.
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Old 09-14-2015, 03:26 AM
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Originally Posted by thom7 View Post
Upwardspiral is correct. All meeting are different. Go to a few and you will find the one where You belong.

Meeting Types

The following are the most common Meeting Types. These are general descriptions of the various meetings; the conduct of individual meetings is mandated by group conscience. Meeting type codes are used in the meeting lists.

Code Description Comment
O Open Meeting Everyone is Welcome. The group has voted to allow all comers to attend the meeting, although usually only Alcoholics speak.
C Closed Meeting The group has voted attendance is limited to alcoholics only.
The 'O' or 'C' codes designates who may attend a meeting. This is a matter of group conscience. These codes may be joined with others (below) to provide a better understanding of the group's intent for a meeting. For instance, there maybe 'OBB' or 'CBB'; 'OD' or 'CD' meetings.
In cases where the codes 'O' or 'C' are the only codes used, group conscience has designated the meeting as a speaker meeting. Usually speakers are exchanged between groups. These speakers share their "experience, strength and hope" in relating their arrival at a sober life and their commitment to maintaining sobriety.

BB Big Book The book Alcoholic Anonymous (the Big Book) is the text for these meetings. When the focus is on a specific text, usually the group supplies copies of the book for attendees. If you would like to make notations in the text, obtaining a personal copy is useful.
In the case of Big Books, a number of meetings in the area give new members a copy to keep for their own use. Ask around for these meetings.

BS Big Book Step Study This type of meeting focuses on specific material from the Big Book and the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12). Again texts are usually supplied for attendees, but individual copies are available from Central Service.
D Discussion A chairperson is designated for a meeting; the chairperson speaks briefly about their "experience, strength and hope". Following this the chairperson may suggest a topic for sharing by other attendees.
GV Grapevine These are chairperson led meetings focusing on the monthly publication of the Grapevine.
LS Living Sober A chairperson leads the meeting in a discussion of material drawn from the AA publication Living Sober.
P Promises The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous are on pages 82 and 83 of the Big Book. These are the focus of a chairperson led discussion.
R Reflections A recent addition to the AA library, Reflections provides daily material for meditation and prayer. Meetings of this type focus on this daily practice.
S Step Using the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12) the meeting focuses on the Steps. Depending on group conscience, a new step is read and discussed each week. Alternately, participants read and discuss individual paragraphs with each week building on the prior weeks work.
SBS Big Book Enhanced 12 & 12 Step The key here is the word 'enhanced'. The group's conscience mandates a specific and detailed approach to the Big Book and the 12 & 12.
SD Speaker / Discussion Initial speakers kick off the group's discussion of matters brought up by the speakers.
ST Step / Tradition The meeting focuses on both the 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions. The formats of these meetings vary. Please investigate on your own.
T Tradition The second half of the 12 and 12 are the focus of these meetings.
TP Tradition Promise These meetings are a combination of the Traditions and the Promises.
BG Beginner Any of the above meetings may, by group conscience, be designated as a Beginner meeting. These meetings are usually led by more experienced group members with the primary focus on introducing new members to the tools available for the maintenance of sobriety.
Beginners are not restricted to meetings of this type; they are welcomed at all meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. A benefit of a "beginner" meeting is the opportunity to meet other peers as they start their sober lives.
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Old 09-14-2015, 07:06 AM
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Originally Posted by MyNewStart View Post
Can anyone recommend how I would choose the best AA class to engage with? My problem is that it looks so complicated. So many locations around my city and all of the letter codes. It is so confusing.

I do have a problem to deal with related to alcohol and I am very committed to doing this. It has been 20 years since I awoke with a hangover. I leverage alcohol to the buzz stage and never to the point that the average person would recognize that I have been drinking. It is not affecting my work or my personal relationships.

It's the lie thing that I want to rid myself of. Is AA right for me? What code should I try to find? A sponsor no doubt would be helpful. The two classes that I attended were so deep in devastation for the incredible folks dealing with alcohol. I didn't feel like I belonged there.

As mentioned, I am meeting with a psych this week to help me walk through how to deal with this. Without a doubt, I have the anxiety feeling to deal with a the point of drinking which is why I haven't broken free. I guess that puts me in the alcoholic category. I've much appreciated reading the thoughts, feelings, success and failure recoveries of the group.

Thanks so much.
Welcome, glad you're here!
Try different meetings till you find a group that seems like a good fit with one or two people you can identify with. You're fortunate to have so many choices!

The good new is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is simple - we are the ones who complicate it, typical for drunks. Finding the right group may be the hardest step.

If you've been drinking for 20 years and are concerned about "it's the lie thing" you may discover drinking has affected your life including work and relationships more than you realize.

Regardless, the sober journey is an amazing one........

Again,
Glad your'e here with us!!
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:07 AM
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Beginners or newcomer meetings are designed for just this

Grateful for IOAA2's post
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Old 09-14-2015, 10:46 AM
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I say "Wow". This group is wonderful. The link, the book, the comments are helping me put my situation in perspective.

I'm doubling down right now to get a full understanding of where I am. I have been drinking for at least 10 years (not 20, that was tobacco now gone for 3 years). Over the 10 years, I got up to around two 1.75L bottles of Scotch per week (all evening drinks). In the last 3 years I switched to Vodka and I'm at about one 1.75L bottle per week. I began a new relationship 3 years ago where alcohol is not as accepted as my past relationship (note, hiding the consumption for 3 years). Sad for me, so I've been lying for 3 years and I'm tired of the lies. I had tried to protect my right to drink...and now, I honestly can see myself without alcohol completely. The protecting my right was very strong for whatever reason and today, I can say I've moved past that.

I know, I should reach out to my spouse to deal with this, but there are a number of reasons why I don't think that is best. Mainly, I have been lying and that is not right and not at my core. I want to move past this and simply let her know I think I'm an alcoholic and have stopped all drinking. I don't want to get into how I have been lying for three years. I'll ask for forgiveness from Jesus for sure and soon enough my spouse too.

Can I do this? Step past my mistakes and being owned by alcohol? Can I deal with the physical feelings and if so for how long? I have engaged with a psych and am looking to find an AA. My spouse knows that I have attended AA. She knows this is something. She just doesn't know it has been a daily thing. I would prefer to get past the first week or whatever without her support.

To top it off, things are shuffling at work which may result in job change and/or relocation. I obviously appreciate that this group has felt some, if not all of my feelings and situation.
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Old 09-14-2015, 11:05 AM
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Because of planned business and personal travels, my spouse will be away from home for over a month. I saw this as an opportunity to deal with my demons. Explains a bit relating to my above comments.

One would think it's an opportunity to drink more and freely. I want this to end. Thanks for the support.
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Old 09-14-2015, 12:16 PM
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Originally Posted by MyNewStart View Post
I Can I do this? Step past my mistakes and being owned by alcohol? Can I deal with the physical feelings and if so for how long? I have engaged with a psych and am looking to find an AA. My spouse knows that I have attended AA. She knows this is something. She just doesn't know it has been a daily thing. I would prefer to get past the first week or whatever without her support.
Yes you can. I think what's really, really important is honesty. Earlier on you mentioned that was a problem and you still want to try and get through "the first week or whatever" on your own without telling your wife. If she knows you are going to AA it doesn't really matter if she knows how much you drink or how often, right?

Bottom line, you can't set your own parameters for how you want your sobriety to play out. It's an all-or-nothing commitment so to speak. Why not just be 100% honest and move forward?
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:53 PM
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Hi MyNewStart -- I can relate to not wanting people to know. I did tell my spouse right away, but I didn't want to tell my parents. Later, when I had some months of sobriety behind me, I changed my mind and I was glad to tell my parents. So feelings change a lot in early sobriety.

My suggestion for now is to just keep an open mind. The most important thing right now is to get to meetings and maybe get started working the steps with a temporary sponsor in AA. My hunch is that sooner or later you'll want to be honest with your spouse, but my suggestion is to not let that stop you right now. Just start putting together some sober days, and try to keep an open mind.

Good for you for tackling the problem.
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Old 09-14-2015, 03:05 PM
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I met with a phscologist today who is an AA member and he recommended his group and recommended that I start this Saturday at the 7AM class. He said if I see him there to say hi if I want to or not if I'm not comfortable doing so. He is 30 years sober!! I'm hoping to dig in sooner than Saturday. It looks to me like they have noon meetings daily. I've read and can fully embrace the 12 steps. I'll continue with his help and hope to find that AA group that fits soon. Overall my discussion with him helped some.

I am deeply ashamed of the lie I've lived these past 3 years and this lady is the most awesome friend and wife this world has. I am blessed and I know who has blessed me. My psych recommended that I will likely choose to cross that bridge, but it's not necessary now. Thanks for the suggestions and thoughts. And keep the good thoughts coming.

I'm having the worst time with this tension in my chest at 6PM. A few drinks and it goes away. I have had days with no drinking. You'll like this. A week of vacation and there is no easy way to fly and hide enough alcohol for 7 days. A beer at dinner but not every night. The thing is the mind is occupied on vacation. It wasn't terrible but I wanted to have drinks each night.

It is clearly mental and maybe it is nowhere close to as bad as I fear it's going to be. What do I do? Curl up on the floor, cry, scream, bounce my head on the floor? Can I and should I rid my home of all alcohol? What about the middle of the night? What happens If? How to stop the tension or get my mind off it.

Thanks group and i do hope I can benefit someone one day soon with my experiences too!
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Old 09-14-2015, 03:10 PM
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Hey MNS -- around 6 PM was the most difficult time for me as well, because that's when I would always start drinking. My solution was that I found an AA group that met Monday through Friday at 6 PM -- I went to that group almost every day for the first three months. That was a huge help to me -- being in a meeting during the hardest hour of the day.

A year later, 6 PM is just another hour in the day and I don't even notice it any more. But in the beginning, that was a huge hurdle. I suggest finding some ritual -- an AA meeting, or listen to AA speakers on the internet, or post here -- something that you do every day at 6 PM without fail, instead of drinking.
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