Nobody knows
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 27
Nobody knows
Hello group. I just joined this eve. I'm in dire need for support and insight into how to kick this. I'm in my mid 40's with a fantastic life all around, job, wife, adult kid. Really I couldn't ask for more.
8-10 years back, there was no problem (that I could see). Drinking myself to sleep each night in a miserable relationship/life. Then, I move on to new and better relationships and the drinking decreased dramatically but still stayed. For the last three years, I drink every night just to the point of a buzz and nobody in my life knows. Why, I really don't know. Obviously, it brings a very relaxed feeling. Vodka for obvious reasons.
The family around me is aware that on Friday/Saturday eve, I drink three or four beers. (Several shots of vodka behind the scenes). That is what folks around me see. Sad, Yes. It's like, I'm not sure it is a problem but I am at the point that I want to end this lie and end my relationship with alcohol. My lie is a weight that I can not bear.
I'm not sure what the withdrawal feelings will be like and for how long. If you have words of wisdom, please share. I have a psychologist appointment on Monday to help take this on. I don't have anyone that I can lean on unfortunately because of my lies.
Thanks for the ear.
8-10 years back, there was no problem (that I could see). Drinking myself to sleep each night in a miserable relationship/life. Then, I move on to new and better relationships and the drinking decreased dramatically but still stayed. For the last three years, I drink every night just to the point of a buzz and nobody in my life knows. Why, I really don't know. Obviously, it brings a very relaxed feeling. Vodka for obvious reasons.
The family around me is aware that on Friday/Saturday eve, I drink three or four beers. (Several shots of vodka behind the scenes). That is what folks around me see. Sad, Yes. It's like, I'm not sure it is a problem but I am at the point that I want to end this lie and end my relationship with alcohol. My lie is a weight that I can not bear.
I'm not sure what the withdrawal feelings will be like and for how long. If you have words of wisdom, please share. I have a psychologist appointment on Monday to help take this on. I don't have anyone that I can lean on unfortunately because of my lies.
Thanks for the ear.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Welcome MNS! This is a great place for support & encouragement & great that you are looking into additional support. sounds like you have a strong desire to be free from the alcohol & will only find your life better without it.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Congrats on your decision! Like you say -- it's a problem if it's causing you stress. That's the only measurement that matters. And sounds like you're at a good place to quit, before the issue grows any larger.
Do you have any plan in place yet? I'd say the big things to plan for are:
a - Getting support (here? AA? therapist? friends/family? etc)
b - Dealing with cravings/filling the time you're accustomed to spending drinking (exercise is a good thing to plan here, or picking up a new hobby). While your brain chemistry readjusts, you may experience anxiety, so figuring out how to deal with that is key
c - Identifying your triggers (drinking socially, drinking in isolation, drinking over stress, etc) and coming up with plans for how to approach those situations sober. For example, many people avoid social events with alcohol in early sobriety. I on the other hand drink in isolation, so I try to keep myself out of the house as much as possible.
It's good that you're seeing a psych, they should be able to give you good advice. Withdrawal is different for everyone, and depending on how much you've been drinking may require a medical doctor as well. It can be very serious... or it can be just unpleasant. I've had both experiences. In both cases the worst of the physical (and the period of greatest risk) is over in 4 days. But it takes your body a long time to equalize itself. The first weeks and months can be difficult. But at least in my case, the benefits start right away too... like not having to lie anymore
That's a big one for me too.
Welcome to SR! Congratulations, you're making a great choice for yourself and your family!
Do you have any plan in place yet? I'd say the big things to plan for are:
a - Getting support (here? AA? therapist? friends/family? etc)
b - Dealing with cravings/filling the time you're accustomed to spending drinking (exercise is a good thing to plan here, or picking up a new hobby). While your brain chemistry readjusts, you may experience anxiety, so figuring out how to deal with that is key
c - Identifying your triggers (drinking socially, drinking in isolation, drinking over stress, etc) and coming up with plans for how to approach those situations sober. For example, many people avoid social events with alcohol in early sobriety. I on the other hand drink in isolation, so I try to keep myself out of the house as much as possible.
It's good that you're seeing a psych, they should be able to give you good advice. Withdrawal is different for everyone, and depending on how much you've been drinking may require a medical doctor as well. It can be very serious... or it can be just unpleasant. I've had both experiences. In both cases the worst of the physical (and the period of greatest risk) is over in 4 days. But it takes your body a long time to equalize itself. The first weeks and months can be difficult. But at least in my case, the benefits start right away too... like not having to lie anymore
That's a big one for me too.Welcome to SR! Congratulations, you're making a great choice for yourself and your family!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Secrets keep us sick. The fact that some of your drinking is "behind the scenes" is a heavy burden to carry. This is a great support group and helped me through almost one year of sobriety. I visited a few times before but "wasn't ready". I couldn't wait any longer for me to be ready. When was that going to be...an arrest? A DWI? I wasn't happy with my "habit" and wanted to change. I was miserable...and kinda off the wall. I wish you luck my friend. Sobriety is so rewarding it's hard to describe. Check in often!
Jennifer
Jennifer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 27
Thanks all for the encouragement and fantail for your insight. This helps me. I went to two AA meetings this year in an effort to sort this out. I literally teared up hearing the devastating life story situations shared at one class. I wanted to be a friend and support for the folks there. I may join another, but it didn't feel right.
So, in the end I didn't feel that I had the same level of devastation or issues in my life as the folks at AA were or have dealt with. Im trying to figure out if there are folks like me or groups that have been where I'm at. Next steps: I am set up for five initial physiologist appointments and he says he specializes in alcohol rehabilitation. I would certainly benefit from a friend/ear as I move past this. I'm so hoping I don't have medical issues to deal with. 4 days of uncomfort, I can deal with. I quit 20 years of heavy smoking four years ago. I feel like I can...it just doesn't feel as easy as stopping putting a cig in my mouth.
I know I will feel anxiety and unexplained feelings. I thought I would end drinking tonight. By 6PM, I felt crappy and had tensions. Two drinks and all is well...you know the scenario. How to get past this? I am really pissed/ticked that something has me by the (??). I recognize what/who is in control. It is not me at the moment.
How best to get past that 6PM crappy/tension point?
So, in the end I didn't feel that I had the same level of devastation or issues in my life as the folks at AA were or have dealt with. Im trying to figure out if there are folks like me or groups that have been where I'm at. Next steps: I am set up for five initial physiologist appointments and he says he specializes in alcohol rehabilitation. I would certainly benefit from a friend/ear as I move past this. I'm so hoping I don't have medical issues to deal with. 4 days of uncomfort, I can deal with. I quit 20 years of heavy smoking four years ago. I feel like I can...it just doesn't feel as easy as stopping putting a cig in my mouth.
I know I will feel anxiety and unexplained feelings. I thought I would end drinking tonight. By 6PM, I felt crappy and had tensions. Two drinks and all is well...you know the scenario. How to get past this? I am really pissed/ticked that something has me by the (??). I recognize what/who is in control. It is not me at the moment.
How best to get past that 6PM crappy/tension point?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by MyNewStart 
Thanks all for the encouragement and fantail for your insight. This helps me. I went to two AA meetings this year in an effort to sort this out. I literally teared up hearing the devastating life story situations shared at one class. I wanted to be a friend and support for the folks there. I may join another, but it didn't feel right.
So, in the end I didn't feel that I had the same level of devastation or issues in my life as the folks at AA were or have dealt with. Im trying to figure out if there are folks like me or groups that have been where I'm at. Next steps: I am set up for five initial physiologist appointments and he says he specializes in alcohol rehabilitation. I would certainly benefit from a friend/ear as I move past this. I'm so hoping I don't have medical issues to deal with. 4 days of uncomfort, I can deal with. I quit 20 years of heavy smoking four years ago. I feel like I can...it just doesn't feel as easy as stopping putting a cig in my mouth.
I know I will feel anxiety and unexplained feelings. I thought I would end drinking tonight. By 6PM, I felt crappy and had tensions. Two drinks and all is well...you know the scenario. How to get past this? I am really pissed/ticked that something has me by the (??). I recognize what/who is in control. It is not me at the moment.
How best to get past that 6PM crappy/tension point?
So, in the end I didn't feel that I had the same level of devastation or issues in my life as the folks at AA were or have dealt with. Im trying to figure out if there are folks like me or groups that have been where I'm at. Next steps: I am set up for five initial physiologist appointments and he says he specializes in alcohol rehabilitation. I would certainly benefit from a friend/ear as I move past this. I'm so hoping I don't have medical issues to deal with. 4 days of uncomfort, I can deal with. I quit 20 years of heavy smoking four years ago. I feel like I can...it just doesn't feel as easy as stopping putting a cig in my mouth.
I know I will feel anxiety and unexplained feelings. I thought I would end drinking tonight. By 6PM, I felt crappy and had tensions. Two drinks and all is well...you know the scenario. How to get past this? I am really pissed/ticked that something has me by the (??). I recognize what/who is in control. It is not me at the moment.
How best to get past that 6PM crappy/tension point?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Welcome mynewstart, sounds like you have a conscience and that will help you. Getting past the witching hour is difficult, but obviously can be done. If you are a person of habit, the drinking is a habit, if you replace it with a different habit, that will become your new habit. I know my words may not be of much help but I mention it because it helped me. I am a creature of habit, so during the week when I got home, I found something else to do, and sure enough, after a couple weeks I didn't think about drinking at all anymore when I got home.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome MyNewStart
Just posting here and reading really helped me in those early days.
We have a Class of September support thread for newcomers if you wanna check that out:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
You'll find a ton of support here
D
Just posting here and reading really helped me in those early days.
We have a Class of September support thread for newcomers if you wanna check that out:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
You'll find a ton of support here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 27
Thomas11, good points. I am a creature of habit. When I go to a Mexican restaurant it's a chicken chimmy with white cream sauce every time. I do have the habit mentality. Appreciate the ideas to break it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by MyNewStart
I know I will feel anxiety and unexplained feelings. I thought I would end drinking tonight. By 6PM, I felt crappy and had tensions. Two drinks and all is well...you know the scenario. How to get past this? I am really pissed/ticked that something has me by the (??). I recognize what/who is in control. It is not me at the moment.
How best to get past that 6PM crappy/tension point?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Hi MyNewStart, and welcome! As others have said, you have definitely come to the right place for support, insight, advice, and encouragement. We all have different stories, some more grave than others. I, like you, didn't feel like I was as bad off as the people in AA. Their stories are heartbreaking and I never went through any kind of devastation. I had a problem for less than 10 years, no DUIs, legal problems, job problems, relationship problems, or financial problems. I took care of all my responsibilities and nobody knew that I drank vodka every night (after 6, btw, lol) except my boys. It was easy to justify since I wasn't having any adverse affects, other than it controlling my life and my body. When you can't say no to your Alcoholic Voice, you know that it's taking over and will eventually get worse. It's inevitable. For me, AA was not the answer, although it has helped countless others, so I encourage everyone to look into it. Another resource is Rational Recovery. It has a different strategy that is individual-based and doesn't require going to meetings. It's called AVRT (Alcoholic Voice Recognition Technique) and is working wonders for me. Reading it and doing the free crash course got me motivated to quit, and now I'm on day six of NEVER drinking again. It's not an option. I am more determined than I've ever been, and I've been through this drinking/sobriety cycle a few times. It's more about your own inner strength and the ability to recognize the Alcoholic Voice that tries to control your actions and how to overcome it. Thought I'd throw it out there as something you might want to check out... Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi there and welcome to the forums. You'll find a huge amount of support here.
I also struggled with the "my drinking isn't as bad as their drinking is, so maybe I shouldn't really be here" way of thinking. But for me the only question that matters is whether you're in control of your drinking or not. And in your case, from what you've written, the answer to that is clearly no.
You also mention you only drink till you get a buzz, but if you're like most of us here, the amount it takes to give you that buzz will keep going up and up. And at some point, as sure as night follows day, the buzz won't be enough. And adding the secret life on top of that is even more reason to stop. What happens if your wife asks you to drive to the shop at night to get something, or your son phones you unexpectedly, asking for a ride because his car broke down or whatever. Would your fear of revealing your secret mean you drive drunk instead? A friend of mine has done that. Drove home drunk instead of getting a taxi he could easily afford because he was more afraid of his wife finding out he got drunk, from wondering why the car wasn't there, than he was of possibly killing himself or someone else.
So I'd say absolutely, look around this forum, read up on the many different approaches people have used to get sober, but they all have one thing in common. Not taking that next drink. And now is as good a time to start as any!
I really wish you the best of luck with this.
I also struggled with the "my drinking isn't as bad as their drinking is, so maybe I shouldn't really be here" way of thinking. But for me the only question that matters is whether you're in control of your drinking or not. And in your case, from what you've written, the answer to that is clearly no.
You also mention you only drink till you get a buzz, but if you're like most of us here, the amount it takes to give you that buzz will keep going up and up. And at some point, as sure as night follows day, the buzz won't be enough. And adding the secret life on top of that is even more reason to stop. What happens if your wife asks you to drive to the shop at night to get something, or your son phones you unexpectedly, asking for a ride because his car broke down or whatever. Would your fear of revealing your secret mean you drive drunk instead? A friend of mine has done that. Drove home drunk instead of getting a taxi he could easily afford because he was more afraid of his wife finding out he got drunk, from wondering why the car wasn't there, than he was of possibly killing himself or someone else.
So I'd say absolutely, look around this forum, read up on the many different approaches people have used to get sober, but they all have one thing in common. Not taking that next drink. And now is as good a time to start as any!
I really wish you the best of luck with this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by CaliButterfly
Hi MyNewStart, and welcome! As others have said, you have definitely come to the right place for support, insight, advice, and encouragement. We all have different stories, some more grave than others. I, like you, didn't feel like I was as bad off as the people in AA. Their stories are heartbreaking and I never went through any kind of devastation. I had a problem for less than 10 years, no DUIs, legal problems, job problems, relationship problems, or financial problems. I took care of all my responsibilities and nobody knew that I drank vodka every night (after 6, btw, lol) except my boys. It was easy to justify since I wasn't having any adverse affects, other than it controlling my life and my body. When you can't say no to your Alcoholic Voice, you know that it's taking over and will eventually get worse. It's inevitable. For me, AA was not the answer, although it has helped countless others, so I encourage everyone to look into it. Another resource is Rational Recovery. It has a different strategy that is individual-based and doesn't require going to meetings. It's called AVRT (Alcoholic Voice Recognition Technique) and is working wonders for me. Reading it and doing the free crash course got me motivated to quit, and now I'm on day six of NEVER drinking again. It's not an option. I am more determined than I've ever been, and I've been through this drinking/sobriety cycle a few times. It's more about your own inner strength and the ability to recognize the Alcoholic Voice that tries to control your actions and how to overcome it. Thought I'd throw it out there as something you might want to check out... Good luck!
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