Intro - looking for others to talk to
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2
Intro - looking for others to talk to
I'm posting for the first time here instead of in newcomers because I am the significant other of the alcoholic & the newcomers forum seemed to be for those in recovery, not the significant others. Not sure if I'm right about that?
I live with my boyfriend of 5+ years. He stopped drinking about 3 1/2 months ago. But I'm finding great difficulty in dealing with things & a friend who's ex-husband was an alcoholic is telling me many of these things are typical behaviors of an alcoholic, even if they are not currently drinking.
I have not been able to get the chat window to work & would really love to talk with some people. Apparently, I can not pm until I've posted 5 times, but please let me know on this forum if you are someone who wouldn't mind pm'ing with me about some of the issues.
I am currently trying to make a decision about leaving or staying, leaning towards leaving. I would especially like to talk to others who left or at the same place as me.
Thank you!
I live with my boyfriend of 5+ years. He stopped drinking about 3 1/2 months ago. But I'm finding great difficulty in dealing with things & a friend who's ex-husband was an alcoholic is telling me many of these things are typical behaviors of an alcoholic, even if they are not currently drinking.
I have not been able to get the chat window to work & would really love to talk with some people. Apparently, I can not pm until I've posted 5 times, but please let me know on this forum if you are someone who wouldn't mind pm'ing with me about some of the issues.
I am currently trying to make a decision about leaving or staying, leaning towards leaving. I would especially like to talk to others who left or at the same place as me.
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
First of all---Welcome!
You will find a wealth of information here on SR. There are some amazing people here.
I did send you a PM if you would prefer, however, you will find that some of our threads here can end up being multiple pages long with replies back and forth between everyone
You can always post what you are comfortable and see where it takes you...
You will find a wealth of information here on SR. There are some amazing people here.
I did send you a PM if you would prefer, however, you will find that some of our threads here can end up being multiple pages long with replies back and forth between everyone
You can always post what you are comfortable and see where it takes you...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome to SR, DRG!
Glad you are here! In early recovery especially, if my H was Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (halt), I pointed out he should remedy that rather than flipping out. He was really on edge at times. It is hard to live sober when in the past any little stress was a reason to drink.
The other thing I did was get out of his way as much as possible.
Glad you are here! In early recovery especially, if my H was Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (halt), I pointed out he should remedy that rather than flipping out. He was really on edge at times. It is hard to live sober when in the past any little stress was a reason to drink.
The other thing I did was get out of his way as much as possible.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2
First, thank you to those who have responded. Can someone tell me how to do a thank you in the area where it says "The following users say thank you to......for this useful post"? Sorry, not a big forum user & brand new here.
Broncosys: There are so many issues I don't know where to start. He lies, he hides things (not just alcohol related things) - seems to always have secrets, twists everything I say, blames me for everything - yes even his drinking & DUI, says a lot of very cruel things, & he's extremely self-centered, detached, self-involved. There are days he acts like my best friend & days he acts like he hates me. It's a roller coaster. Now I know enough to know his issues are not my fault but all of this is still difficult to deal with. Oh yes, he blamed his cheating on me also. The biggest issue for me is I don't trust him at all, but these ups & downs & continual personality changes are driving me nuts. My friend who has experience with this says it's the alcoholic personality. She says even if he is not using this is how he is & will be.
hexx: thank you for offering to talk & as soon as I can pm I will message you back.
I have been reading the forums since I posted this & see many similarities. But I guess for now I kind of need to vent.
CodeJob: Thank you for the suggestion of getting out of his way. This is probably good advice. The only place this becomes an issue for me is the trust thing. He has behaviors that I feel like I have to address sometimes - very sneaky. So if I think he's on a dating site (which he's done several times in our relationship already) or talking to another woman (again, done a number of times), should I still stay out of his way?
Broncosys: There are so many issues I don't know where to start. He lies, he hides things (not just alcohol related things) - seems to always have secrets, twists everything I say, blames me for everything - yes even his drinking & DUI, says a lot of very cruel things, & he's extremely self-centered, detached, self-involved. There are days he acts like my best friend & days he acts like he hates me. It's a roller coaster. Now I know enough to know his issues are not my fault but all of this is still difficult to deal with. Oh yes, he blamed his cheating on me also. The biggest issue for me is I don't trust him at all, but these ups & downs & continual personality changes are driving me nuts. My friend who has experience with this says it's the alcoholic personality. She says even if he is not using this is how he is & will be.
hexx: thank you for offering to talk & as soon as I can pm I will message you back.
I have been reading the forums since I posted this & see many similarities. But I guess for now I kind of need to vent.
CodeJob: Thank you for the suggestion of getting out of his way. This is probably good advice. The only place this becomes an issue for me is the trust thing. He has behaviors that I feel like I have to address sometimes - very sneaky. So if I think he's on a dating site (which he's done several times in our relationship already) or talking to another woman (again, done a number of times), should I still stay out of his way?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
The cheating is a separate issue from his alcoholism. There's no guarantee that he will stop that behavior just because he's not drinking anymore.
What are the pluses for you staying in this relationship? Drinking or sober, he just doesn't sound like a trustworthy person.
What are the pluses for you staying in this relationship? Drinking or sober, he just doesn't sound like a trustworthy person.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 104
I feel that if there is no trust within the relationship you need to do what will make I you happy. If he is openly cheating or even secretly that violates the relationship.Am so sorry your going through this ((((((HUGS))))))to you an keep reading and posting. Classic sticky is awesome reading
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 56
My husband also cheated and lied and there was no trust left. Ultimately the cheating and lack of trust were too much for me to deal with and I left. Add in the alcohol issues and there wasn't much left in our relationship.
Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in dealing with these issues.
Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in dealing with these issues.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
this is the chat room link
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/addonchat.php
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/addonchat.php
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