Trying to be strong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 1
Trying to be strong
Hello this is my first time writing on here I have been dealing with my husbands drug addiction for the past 3 years and I am just done I am mentally and physically exhausted I have a 3 year old daughter and I cannot let this effect her . but it already is he has been in rehab and detox 3 times but never stayed longer than the detox due to my insurance not covering it but this last place I had him in he did detox 5 days which is nothing and refused the 28 day rehab even though it would be paid for I told him if he leaves there he cannot come home because he won't even try I'm tired of the lies I'm tired of the finances being messed up BC of his problem I'mtired of all of it but now its aaffecting my daughter she's crying every night I miss my daddy I told her he is working far away for a while BC I don't know what else to do that is breaking my heart more than anything I grew up WO a father and so did my husband and now he's doing it to my little girl I need to b strong I told him he cannot comeback until he gets the help he needs period! Any advice i would appreciate 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
naynayjbj,
First, welcome to the forum - there is a wealth of experience, information, strength and support here.
"I told him he cannot comeback until he gets the help he needs period!"
That was a good decision and you need to stick to it. So sorry that you and your daughter are in this situation.
Your husband will not get clean and stay clean until he is ready. This is a personal choice requiring firm commitment from the addict - your desires, court orders, your daughter's pleas, nothing will change the outcome until he is really ready.
"Love cannot save our addicted loved ones, if it could, not one of us would be here." - Ann from soberrecovery.com
As your thread title says -----the real question at this point is how you can stay strong. There are several answers and they mostly involve the kindness and experience of others who have already walked in your shoes. This forum is a good place to start.
I recommend finding a Nar-Anon meeting in your area and start attending. Nar-Anon will provide a place where you can vent to people who truly understand your situation. They will freely lend their support and collective wisdom to you and, almost more importantly, will prove to you that you are not alone. Take a little of their strength home from every meeting - there is no charge, they are all just paying back what they took in the past!
Keep coming back,
Jim
First, welcome to the forum - there is a wealth of experience, information, strength and support here.
"I told him he cannot comeback until he gets the help he needs period!"
That was a good decision and you need to stick to it. So sorry that you and your daughter are in this situation.
Your husband will not get clean and stay clean until he is ready. This is a personal choice requiring firm commitment from the addict - your desires, court orders, your daughter's pleas, nothing will change the outcome until he is really ready.
"Love cannot save our addicted loved ones, if it could, not one of us would be here." - Ann from soberrecovery.com
As your thread title says -----the real question at this point is how you can stay strong. There are several answers and they mostly involve the kindness and experience of others who have already walked in your shoes. This forum is a good place to start.
I recommend finding a Nar-Anon meeting in your area and start attending. Nar-Anon will provide a place where you can vent to people who truly understand your situation. They will freely lend their support and collective wisdom to you and, almost more importantly, will prove to you that you are not alone. Take a little of their strength home from every meeting - there is no charge, they are all just paying back what they took in the past!
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 58
This is absolutely true. You can't fix him or change him... it's just a matter of how much you can put up with before you decide you and your daughter are better off without him. He will get his life together, or he won't, but whether that happens is 100% up to him and there is literally nothing you can do about it.
The best advice I've received on here is to take care of myself. To do the best thing for myself, even if it means moving on from my marriage. I wasn't doing anyone any favors by by suffering and sacrificing and giving all of myself so that my wife could feed her selfish addictions.
The best advice I've received on here is to take care of myself. To do the best thing for myself, even if it means moving on from my marriage. I wasn't doing anyone any favors by by suffering and sacrificing and giving all of myself so that my wife could feed her selfish addictions.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
addicts use for a variety of reasons - usually there is something painful inside that they don't wish to face.
for codependents like us ... there is usually a part of us that is broken too and this is how we try to fill it, but often realize that it is taking more out of us than bringing satisfaction.
3 years is a long time to suffer. You and your daughter don't deserve this.
for codependents like us ... there is usually a part of us that is broken too and this is how we try to fill it, but often realize that it is taking more out of us than bringing satisfaction.
3 years is a long time to suffer. You and your daughter don't deserve this.
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