QuitForSon

Quit drinking from may 24 to July 23 so basically 2 months after approximately 25 years of daily drinking. Thought I had it beat but the "I believe I can moderate" beat me. I guess everyone needs to be beat once to figure out that moderation does not work. Anyways went on and off (mostly on) the beer for the next 6 weeks and here I am again with this being my 3rd day. I started a thread last week but didn't make it past day 2.

My AV is always playing on the bored/lonely thing as I am a single dad and have not really been looking for a partner or doing much with other adults. I am mostly spending time with my son (10 years) and staying home a lot as he plays with friends outside. I did get into running and a bit of going to the gym but that only takes up so much time. Now that school has started my son will be spending more time at his moms (1/2 week) so I will have even more time on my hands. I have read a lot of the threads in this forum and see that a lot of others have similar issues with boredom and loneliness causing there AV to get the best of them.

Sorry for the rant but it seems to help.

NestWasEmpty

I got divorced & got into in with a party crowd . After I quit 10+ years later I too was alone . Can't say it would be different if I was a man quitting . Maybe more difficult cause , us woman like crafts & those kinds of things . I know some men that like building & making things ? Heck I know some that rather be a stay at home Dad, & bake to house hold chores . Don't want this to come off as wrong . We are all equal in eyes .
Anyway I tried I all kinds of Hobbies , even ones I thought I wouldn't like . Finally grabbed onto some I enjoyed . Youtube was good to at least interact on some interesting topic's you like . Pintress has a bunch of hobbie's to look for . Electric mini cars , boats . Things to build or make with your son

lessgravity

Divorced dad here as well.

Thank you for the post.

Stay strong and keep us updated.

JT0626

You can do this. One day at a time, you are on day 3 which is awesome!

ScottFromWI

Congrats on 3 days, and kudos for taking the initiative to get back on track.

This thread is always worth a read when you feel "bored" http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

Another thing to remember is that the only thing you aren't doing now that you were doing before is drinking. You actually have MORE opporunities now that your are sober. There are plenty of things you CANT do while you are drunk, but there is nothing that being sober prevents you from trying or doing.

ccam1973

Quit, you can do this. Dig back into your tool belt and get your two months back. How did you feel during those couple of months? I'm guessing a lot of ups and downs, but ultimately so much better than if you had been drinking.

Believe me, it gets so much better the longer you stay away from drinking.

I've got a 10 year old son too. I found some hobbies we do together when he's not playing sports; that in itself keeps me busy.

Hobby grade electric trucks. Got him one for Christmas last year and have completely rebuilt it to make it stronger and faster. I guess I'm addicted to that now. I rebuild the truck and my son gets to drive it and break it; bashing is what it's called!

Maybe you can find your own hobby that you and your son can enjoy. go through some hobby magazines or web sites.

Congrats on day 3. You can get yourself back.

doggonecarl

You have to commit to not drinking, no matter what the excuse you are in the habit of using. I bet in the course of 25 years of drinking you drank through every "excuse" under the sun: sad, happy, lonely, with friends, recreational activities, celebration, anxiety, anger and boredom.

Alcoholics drink.

Not drinking is a decision you can make.

QuitForSon

I never thought of it like that you make a great point. I would drink for everything, being happy, sad, mad, lonely, celebration, stressed out, ETC, ETC. In the end its just a worthless habit/addiction and all the excuses are the AV/Addiction trying to keep me full of alcohol. Thanks so much for the reply. I have read stuff about the excuses before but it never sank in like it did just now.

Fly N Buy

I had to find "something to do with my hands to keep my brain active" . When I am bored my brain wonders all over the place. I find when I am focused on anything - a small task, reading a book, sweeping the deck, walking the dog, doing a load of laundry etc. etc I get out of bouncy brain and deal with what's in front of me.

A few small household tasks, coupled with doing an online class or two(plenty of free ones!) and I get a sense of accomplishment that fills up spare. Action, action, action helps me a lot.

thomas11

Boredom was my #1 enemy. It was a one way ticket to bendersville, so I can relate. If I'm able to keep my mind occupied and pass the time, I stay on track. Wishing you the best. You'll figure it out, these things take time.

Sufferingdad

I'm also a divorced dad. I feel like I've missed so much with my boys as they grow up. Boredom was also one of my triggers. Seemed to reinforce the loneliness I refused to see for so long.

Hang in there. Stay strong for yourself.

MIRecovery

For me AA cured both loneliness and boredom

bigsombrero

Nothing to do? I'm guessing you really have no shortage of things to do, it's just that at this point, drinking is more fun than all of them. If you're sitting with lots of time on your hands and you don't want to do "chores" (who does?), what about something else? Ever think of travel? I started traveling around to new places after getting sober, changing the scenery. You won't drink if you make this travel challenging. Redefine the lazy "booze cruise" and take a sailing class or go whale watching. Redefine boozing on the beach and instead sign up for a week-long surfing class. Instead of drinking at lunch, bring some granola and a bottle of water and go on a volcano hike. There's tons you can do, and you can look bad-ass, get healthy, meet cool people and have fun doing it. You just have to move that AV out of the way and unlock the doors of exploration. Good luck man!

entropy1964

I hear ya. Single, widowed mom. Too much time on my hands. Boredom is a big enemy of my sobriety for sure. I literally plan my whole day out....from coffee in the AM on thru. Stay really physically active which I actually love. The fact that it takes a lot of time? Well, that's ok with me. I have made a list of volunteer opportunities...just need to pursue them. I was sober for a couple of years before....I started a relationship at 1 year and looking back I was not ready. So I'll fill my time learning who I am I guess. And I have to learn to just 'be'. I'm a human being not a human doing....just not very good at that

QuitForSon

Well here we are day 5 and the AV is not so bad, I have found that for me and probably many others that the first 1-4 days are the worst for the cravings much like when I quit smoking. It makes sense of course. Anyways I am keeping busy with work, my son, and the gym. Since it is September now its hockey time for my son and that keeps me busy with all the games/practices and I really enjoy watching him even in the practices.

ccam1973

Great job on day 5 Quit! living in the south, we don't play hockey much but I can relate to having a 10 year old in sports. We are in the beginning of our fall baseball season. Great time to spend with your kids. One of the big reasons I quit was I didn't want to miss out on any more memories.

Well done on 5!

entropy1964

Great job on day 5. You sound really good. Watch out for that addicted brain at this point....it can tell you 'hey you're ok, you can have 1' and then its off to the races. Or at least that has happened to me...too many times!

rjh

this is great advice. iam a divorced dad, had full custody of my son since he was 7. he is now 18, and off to university in different state. now iam dealing with empty nest sydrome. time to focus , and start loving myself. planning almost every hour of day, the night before helps. other things that help are the gym, reading, and meeting new sober people. key is to start loving yourself first. i found drinking after he left, was not the answer. i was just meeting drinking buddys, not real friends, and was going deeper into depression. how can you expect someone to love you, if you dont love yourself? i tried the dating scene, it doesnt work until your sober. your son is 10, these are great years, as i remember doing all kinds of sports with my son, going to all his sporting events, etc. before you know it he will be 18 , and maybe gone to university, away from home. enjoy his teenage years sober. you wont regret it, and either will your son.
Be a good role model..
my 2 cents....

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 5

QuitForSon

I agree 100%. I am doing this for myself and mostly for my son which because of him got me thinking about my problems and put me on the right path. My screen name on this forum QuitForSon pretty much sums it up. Anyways today is day 8