Drinking dreams & new "rewards"
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Drinking dreams & new "rewards"
I dreamed last night that I drank. Whiskey, which I don't like, (although I drank it) and beer, which I do like but I'm allergic to. In the dreams I was caught off guard by myself, it was like I was inserted into someone else's behaviors. I could taste the whiskey, and in the dream, I liked it. I felt like I had no hope, when I realized I was doing it, and I felt gross and poisoned and filled with regret.
Last night, after relentless work, I finished an incredibly intensive work project, and my coworkers suggested going out for a beer. I was the leader on the project and everyone had done a great job, and I had figured they would want this. They aren't alcoholics that I can tell, by any stretch of the imagination, and I said "ok, let's go. I will buy everyone dinner and drinks. I'll be drinking soda water." The interest dwindled and everyone said they'd rather go home and sleep (which is what I had planned to do, left to my own devices).
I had a sweeping thought that my not drinking was ruining something, but now, after some rest, and that dream, I have concluded that perhaps this is normal and healthy. When I was drinking, I would have been leading the charge and making sure that everyone came along, as exhausted as we all were, to celebrate a good job. But when non-alcoholics are exhausted, they just... high five, hug, say some heartfelt words of appreciation, and then go home and sleep. I think they were suggesting going for a drink because that's usually what I did, and they were showing appreciation for ME in the way that they had seen me do it in the past.
I sent them all a text message telling them how awesome they were on the project, and underlining our successes, before I went to sleep. Woke up to lots of smiley faces and nice words.
I'm still tired, but, that was really nice. Way nicer than seven exhausted people who have all spent a lot of time with each other on a holiday weekend working, drinking beer and looking at each other, making small talk. I feel so much more accomplished, waking up this way. And I feel like the dream allowed me to see that perspective. 39 days sober today!
Last night, after relentless work, I finished an incredibly intensive work project, and my coworkers suggested going out for a beer. I was the leader on the project and everyone had done a great job, and I had figured they would want this. They aren't alcoholics that I can tell, by any stretch of the imagination, and I said "ok, let's go. I will buy everyone dinner and drinks. I'll be drinking soda water." The interest dwindled and everyone said they'd rather go home and sleep (which is what I had planned to do, left to my own devices).
I had a sweeping thought that my not drinking was ruining something, but now, after some rest, and that dream, I have concluded that perhaps this is normal and healthy. When I was drinking, I would have been leading the charge and making sure that everyone came along, as exhausted as we all were, to celebrate a good job. But when non-alcoholics are exhausted, they just... high five, hug, say some heartfelt words of appreciation, and then go home and sleep. I think they were suggesting going for a drink because that's usually what I did, and they were showing appreciation for ME in the way that they had seen me do it in the past.
I sent them all a text message telling them how awesome they were on the project, and underlining our successes, before I went to sleep. Woke up to lots of smiley faces and nice words.
I'm still tired, but, that was really nice. Way nicer than seven exhausted people who have all spent a lot of time with each other on a holiday weekend working, drinking beer and looking at each other, making small talk. I feel so much more accomplished, waking up this way. And I feel like the dream allowed me to see that perspective. 39 days sober today!
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Nice work Bexxed. I would imagine that your comment about the soda water didn't have much to do with it, they were probably just tired and wanted to get home. For the most part the only ones who obsess about alcohol are alcoholics...most people don't even thing twice about whether one is drinking or not.
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Its nice to have a nice accomplishment and celebrate by not drinking. That is a nice corner to turn. Before I would drink to celebrate ANYTHING... nice job and continue moving forward. Life can be very rewarding! Or it can be very daunting. You can usually pick which one it is 
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Nice work Bexxed. I would imagine that your comment about the soda water didn't have much to do with it, they were probably just tired and wanted to get home. For the most part the only ones who obsess about alcohol are alcoholics...most people don't even thing twice about whether one is drinking or not.
Yeah, I'm glad that thought didn't dwell for longer than a few seconds. I just trusted that it was exactly what you said, they just wanted to go home. They are really cool people. 
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