Day1
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Pueblo, Co
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Day1
Ugh wishing I wasn't back here to say that I'm back to day 1.. Feeling so down about it all but I have to keep trying and work harder .. I have to do things different I just wish I had the magic answer and could stop making myself suffer 
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Pueblo, Co
Posts: 26
Thank you.. I always start off so strong on day 1 (as far as wanting to quit for good) then I slowly fall back off the wagon and have a first beer and by then I'm swearing to myself that beer is all I will have. But then a friend wants to go to a concert so I swear all I will have is a few which then turns into more and by that time my inner demons all want to come out and play so it's time to add drugs to the mix.. It's like I don't even know who I am anymore or how in the world I'm going to make this merry go around come to a stop once and for all! Ugh it's almost like I just want to give up because deep down part of me feels like I can't win :/ one day at a time is the best thing I can tell myself right now
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
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What soberclover said is key. Acceptance acceptance acceptance. Then the work to change one's life to support the decision to stay quit. I'm still trying to figure it all out myself, as I'm only about 47 day. Don't stop trying, kd.
Delfin
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Originally Posted by kdg3 
Thank you.. I always start off so strong on day 1 (as far as wanting to quit for good) then I slowly fall back off the wagon and have a first beer and by then I'm swearing to myself that beer is all I will have. But then a friend wants to go to a concert so I swear all I will have is a few which then turns into more and by that time my inner demons all want to come out and play so it's time to add drugs to the mix.. It's like I don't even know who I am anymore or how in the world I'm going to make this merry go around come to a stop once and for all! Ugh it's almost like I just want to give up because deep down part of me feels like I can't win :/ one day at a time is the best thing I can tell myself right now
Day 3
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Pueblo, Co
Posts: 26
Do you ever just feel so mad at yourself .. Like I've been in this same spot so many times already.. Like saying I'm done for good and here I am again! I'm so mad at myself and I feel defeated it's like how am I going to change things this time or am I just wasting my time ugh
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 194
Giving up alcohol is like giving up a lover. It seems to me (metaphorically) a person needs to go through the 7 stages of grief model.... I just posted the first link I could find, so the context is a bit out, but the core ideas the same...
7 STAGES OF GRIEF
Here is the grief model we call the 7 Stages of Grief:
SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
More 7 stages of grief...
THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
You have made it through the 7 stages of grief.
7 STAGES OF GRIEF
Here is the grief model we call the 7 Stages of Grief:
SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
More 7 stages of grief...
THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
You have made it through the 7 stages of grief.
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