Charliee

Drank today, want to get more. Help me say no and stay home

Ultramarathoner

Hi!

Back up a bit for me. What made you initially choose to quit drinking?

Charliee

I have no control, make myself really sick, depressed, make bad choices and hurt the people I love

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Charilee. Drinking more will cause more problems, not solve them. Stick around here instead of going out to get more alcohol, you'll be much happier tomorrow.

Charliee

Thanks Scott, just feeling really alone

ScottFromWI

There's lots of us here, no need to feel alone when you have SR. Maybe get something to eat and some water too?

D122y

Hi Charlie,

I looked back at your posts from the beginning.

Rooting for you to pull out of the tail spin.

Scares me to think this happens.

Do you follow AA? Do you believe in the higher power?

That is where all my faith is riding.

I was a binger, couldn't drink every day and do my job.

When I tapered and quit, my anxiety surfaced hard.

No meds here. Getting so much better these last few days. 4 months clean.

Pondlady

You won't regret not drinking more tonight. Drink some ice water and take a shower......try to get some sleep .

Charliee

I appreciate your kind words even though I don't feel like I deserve them. I have been in the emergency room twice in the last month, but no one knows why. I feel hopeless, but also hopeful

Ultramarathoner

Got it.

I had plenty of reasons to become alcohol free yet lacked your type of courage to do so proactively.

It's been said that when there's hope in the present there's power in the future. So I offer you hope.

You've strung two years together before which demonstrates that beating this thing is possible. You reached out before going out which demonstrates grit and the value you see in this support system. You've acknowledged you want to say "no" which demonstrates you recognize the important "choice" you now have.

Your actions today, combined with the courage you showed to begin this epic quest and the experience you've gained throughout your journey to date position you well for another run at this thing- and ultimately- success.

My wish for you is to recognize and own the hope that is within.

Ultramarathoner

We posted at almost the same time on the same theme Charliee.

Hope is powerful.

Grateful11

Stay home and treat yourself: take a shower or bath, watch a movie, drink some tea. You do not want to hurt yourself by chasing the drink.

Take good care of yourself - you deserve it.

Jsbodhi

I just had a do it yourself spa night.
Look online for stuff you can make at home, it'll keep you busy and make you feel good xx

Charliee

My biggest trigger is being alone, I want to be numb, but no matter how much I drink I an never numb enough, just really, really sick

Jsbodhi

What's bothering you?
Xx

Charliee

Guilt, mostly I guess. I'm way too good at hiding this disease. I want help, I need it to get better, but no one knows ive relapsed these last 6 months and I can't tell them, it will break their hearts and trust in me

Jsbodhi

Yeah that's really tough, I have a lot of guilt too, but mine is more fear, fear that I just keep relapsing and that things are going to get really bad.

I know it's been said a million times, but do you have a plan?
My plans have always been flimsy, this time I've been working on one and I'm going to actually work it- hard.
What are some of the details of your plan? Or what has worked in the past? What hasn't worked?
Just curious because I need help too

Charliee

I've started seeing a counselor again. Hopefully we'll come up with something

getright15

I've been exactly where you are. I'm new in my recovery and if you've done it before you can do it again. I believe I can do it and I could do that I can believe in you too!

Pondlady

Good Morning,

Are you able to share your relapse with your counselor? It's hard to be completely honest, but they'll be able to help you more effectively if you're honest.

Hoping you got some rest last night and don't take that first sip of alcohol today.