I'm, depressed.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm, depressed.
That's what my son told me tonight. He has been researching this because, like I told you, his wife has bi-polar. He was also looking at the different reactions his fil has about his cancer, ( it metastasized )
When I had stage 3 B cancer, i made my peace with everything. It was que sera sera. Whatever will be will be. Whatever. That's how I felt. I'm still here 16 years later, still feeling like que sera sera, like if I go to sleep and don't wake up, that's OK with me.
I'll never say that I am normal, and I will never say that I wasn't looking at telephone poles 16-17 years ago, hoping to make the world go away. I did do that.
I have been making improvements in my life. I got out of my abusive marriage. I got my own place.
My children were not talking to me then. I went to Florida after my divorce, my mother, (guess she heard a lot of BS from my oldest daughter) told me to forget that I ever had children. She wanted me to stay in Florida with her. (By that I mean to move there and to get my own place, she wasn't trying to control me).
I couldn't do that, I came back to north Pennsylvania. I couldn't give up on my own children. My oldest daughter, not even my ex's biological daughter filed an RO against me, after I spent 6 months with her because she was on bedrest for a pregnancy. Said I called CPS on her. I didn't.
She was the one that set up all the holidays and birthday parties. I had asked for half of the time, but no one could understand why I wouldn't be around someone who was divorcing me, and then later brought his live in gf with him.
My son got upset with me 2 years ago because I had called him on 12/23 to tell him that I would send the x-mas presents. I did not hear anything about them coming to see me or wanting to see me. This started a big war, and he uninvited me to his wedding. I did make the wedding though.
My youngest daughter just started talking to me this year. The thing she was most upset about was, why would I throw myself down the stairs, so that I could have her father arrested? What???????
My youngest daughter started therapy a few months ago. I know I have always offered to go with her, don't think she will take me up on it.
I guess my son, thinks that I am batsh!t crazy.
Oldest daughter likes my money.
IDK, sometimes I think that's why she talks to me. I have helped her a little, not a lot, really can't afford that. She has an H that could make $175,000 year. He just stays home and does online gambling, and says that he is supporting his family.
Sometimes I think it is better to write things down. After writing this, I am thinking that my son is finally seeing me as a person. And that's OK
amy
When I had stage 3 B cancer, i made my peace with everything. It was que sera sera. Whatever will be will be. Whatever. That's how I felt. I'm still here 16 years later, still feeling like que sera sera, like if I go to sleep and don't wake up, that's OK with me.
I'll never say that I am normal, and I will never say that I wasn't looking at telephone poles 16-17 years ago, hoping to make the world go away. I did do that.
I have been making improvements in my life. I got out of my abusive marriage. I got my own place.
My children were not talking to me then. I went to Florida after my divorce, my mother, (guess she heard a lot of BS from my oldest daughter) told me to forget that I ever had children. She wanted me to stay in Florida with her. (By that I mean to move there and to get my own place, she wasn't trying to control me).
I couldn't do that, I came back to north Pennsylvania. I couldn't give up on my own children. My oldest daughter, not even my ex's biological daughter filed an RO against me, after I spent 6 months with her because she was on bedrest for a pregnancy. Said I called CPS on her. I didn't.
She was the one that set up all the holidays and birthday parties. I had asked for half of the time, but no one could understand why I wouldn't be around someone who was divorcing me, and then later brought his live in gf with him.
My son got upset with me 2 years ago because I had called him on 12/23 to tell him that I would send the x-mas presents. I did not hear anything about them coming to see me or wanting to see me. This started a big war, and he uninvited me to his wedding. I did make the wedding though.
My youngest daughter just started talking to me this year. The thing she was most upset about was, why would I throw myself down the stairs, so that I could have her father arrested? What???????
My youngest daughter started therapy a few months ago. I know I have always offered to go with her, don't think she will take me up on it.
I guess my son, thinks that I am batsh!t crazy.
Oldest daughter likes my money.
IDK, sometimes I think that's why she talks to me. I have helped her a little, not a lot, really can't afford that. She has an H that could make $175,000 year. He just stays home and does online gambling, and says that he is supporting his family.
Sometimes I think it is better to write things down. After writing this, I am thinking that my son is finally seeing me as a person. And that's OK
amy
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