Hi new here. My story.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4
Hi new here. My story.
Hi I'm a new here and I was lucky to stumble upon this site since I am 23 days sober from alcohol. I was a heavy binge drinking functioning alcoholic. I would drink 12+ beers everyday and then pass out get 4-5 hours a sleep a night get up take my child to school go to work cook clean the whole nine yards. Then start all over again I did this for years.
Alcohol is not my only problem though. I've been in a very toxic unhealthy marriage for 23 years which was very abusive at times. I guess that's why I drank so much. I just wanted to be happy and numb out. Since most of our arguments happened when we were both drinking( he's an alcoholic as well) it was easy for me to just forget about the abuse and just continue trying to function. After years and years of this I guess it all started catching up with me and I became very depressed. I'd go into crying fits everyday. About 6 months ago I started coming out about my secret life and with some support went into counseling where I was assessed with several issues which included depression PTSD and alcohol abuse. I was put on an antidepressant about 3 months ago and I started to feel a little better but continued to heavy drink. After I saw no real improvement I decide I needed to stop drinking and see if I felt better. So I went from everyday to 3-4 times a week to twice a week to cold turkey. I went about 11 days before I slipped and binged on alcohol where I crashed into the coffee table after losing my balance. Not a proud moment. So I started again. Today is my 23 day. i started to improve And I'm very proud of myself but I am beginning to feel down again for the past week or so and I'm going into crying fits again and have an overwhelming sadness. I don't know if this is due to chemical imbalance or my current issues of my marriage or my antidepressant not working or me just mourning alcohol but it's been hard. And I almost feel I'd rather numb out on alcohol as to feel the way I do now. But I'm trying to stay strong? I just wonder if this is a normal response to sobriety and if it will get better. I'm especially interested in people who are or hav suffered abuse similar to me but I really appreciate any words of encouragement or support. My husband is not supporting me at all in this process. He still drinks everyday and many times try's to get me to drink. It's been hard. Anyway thank you for listening and I'm sorry for the long post but just a little about me and my story. Thanks
Alcohol is not my only problem though. I've been in a very toxic unhealthy marriage for 23 years which was very abusive at times. I guess that's why I drank so much. I just wanted to be happy and numb out. Since most of our arguments happened when we were both drinking( he's an alcoholic as well) it was easy for me to just forget about the abuse and just continue trying to function. After years and years of this I guess it all started catching up with me and I became very depressed. I'd go into crying fits everyday. About 6 months ago I started coming out about my secret life and with some support went into counseling where I was assessed with several issues which included depression PTSD and alcohol abuse. I was put on an antidepressant about 3 months ago and I started to feel a little better but continued to heavy drink. After I saw no real improvement I decide I needed to stop drinking and see if I felt better. So I went from everyday to 3-4 times a week to twice a week to cold turkey. I went about 11 days before I slipped and binged on alcohol where I crashed into the coffee table after losing my balance. Not a proud moment. So I started again. Today is my 23 day. i started to improve And I'm very proud of myself but I am beginning to feel down again for the past week or so and I'm going into crying fits again and have an overwhelming sadness. I don't know if this is due to chemical imbalance or my current issues of my marriage or my antidepressant not working or me just mourning alcohol but it's been hard. And I almost feel I'd rather numb out on alcohol as to feel the way I do now. But I'm trying to stay strong? I just wonder if this is a normal response to sobriety and if it will get better. I'm especially interested in people who are or hav suffered abuse similar to me but I really appreciate any words of encouragement or support. My husband is not supporting me at all in this process. He still drinks everyday and many times try's to get me to drink. It's been hard. Anyway thank you for listening and I'm sorry for the long post but just a little about me and my story. Thanks
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Feeling all over the place emotionally is common in early recovery. Give your antiDs a chance to work. They don't do any good if you're drinking so it's good you got sober.
Welcome to the family!
Welcome to the family!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Hi, and welcome Tab72.
I'm so glad you're here. I can relate to so much of your post. I drank my way through a bad marriage too. When I kicked him out, I then got sober and started working on all of my inside issues. It has been a hard yet worthwhile journey.
My emotions were all over the place in early sobriety. I kept saying, "I'm so raw." Completely normal, and it will get much better with your continued sobriety. Lots of physical healing is happening but it takes time.
Since your husband is still drinking, you may also find some comfort in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section, here's the link to that section if you'd like to read around in there:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Most of us have to relearn how to live sober. This is a great place for support.
I'm so glad you're here. I can relate to so much of your post. I drank my way through a bad marriage too. When I kicked him out, I then got sober and started working on all of my inside issues. It has been a hard yet worthwhile journey.
My emotions were all over the place in early sobriety. I kept saying, "I'm so raw." Completely normal, and it will get much better with your continued sobriety. Lots of physical healing is happening but it takes time.
Since your husband is still drinking, you may also find some comfort in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section, here's the link to that section if you'd like to read around in there:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Most of us have to relearn how to live sober. This is a great place for support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Welcome. I'm glad you're here.
I have been in abusive relationships. For me it would have been very difficult to have tried to get sober in those situations because showing vulnerability was dangerous to my physical safety in those situations. I commend you. It's important I think to have an outlet (s) of support in order to stay sober. This forum works for me. Welcome.
xo-B
I have been in abusive relationships. For me it would have been very difficult to have tried to get sober in those situations because showing vulnerability was dangerous to my physical safety in those situations. I commend you. It's important I think to have an outlet (s) of support in order to stay sober. This forum works for me. Welcome.
xo-B
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Welcome, Tab72!
You are definitely far from alone with your history. Many of us have had a difficult time in early sobriety. How long that lasts varies a lot though I think that after a month or so it's not usually as bad. Others here can point you to links about PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome). This might give you more hope about the future.
Posting here often and reading can be very helpful. You may want to join the September 2015 thread to connect with others in early days. But there's also a thread for those with under one year sober.
Some have more problems staying away from alcohol than others. When that happens, we are often reminded about adding tools to our toolbox, that could be psychotherapy, AA, other f2f groups, addiction counseling, outpatient rehab, inpatient rehab, etc. you'll figure out what you need.
You are definitely far from alone with your history. Many of us have had a difficult time in early sobriety. How long that lasts varies a lot though I think that after a month or so it's not usually as bad. Others here can point you to links about PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome). This might give you more hope about the future.
Posting here often and reading can be very helpful. You may want to join the September 2015 thread to connect with others in early days. But there's also a thread for those with under one year sober.
Some have more problems staying away from alcohol than others. When that happens, we are often reminded about adding tools to our toolbox, that could be psychotherapy, AA, other f2f groups, addiction counseling, outpatient rehab, inpatient rehab, etc. you'll figure out what you need.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Welcome Tab72.
They drinking cycle I was caught in was very similar to yours. It took about 6 weeks for the first wave of heavy depression to lift off me. They way it is making you feel sounds about right to me. I have been in an abusive relationship before and it's a killer to the self worth just like drinking is. You are doing great especially since you have an alcoholic trying to get you to drink.
They drinking cycle I was caught in was very similar to yours. It took about 6 weeks for the first wave of heavy depression to lift off me. They way it is making you feel sounds about right to me. I have been in an abusive relationship before and it's a killer to the self worth just like drinking is. You are doing great especially since you have an alcoholic trying to get you to drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I think you should give your medication time to work while you're sober. It may work well for you, and if not you can talk to your dr again. I'm sorry that you are suffering abuse in your marriage. I hope that you might be able to get counselling for that situation and hopefully be able to leave the abuse. Stay strong and believe in yourself.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
I'm glad you joined us - this will be a good place to share what's bothering you. We're here to listen and offer encouragement. I'm sorry for what you've gone through - but you can get your life back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4
Thank you so much everybody for welcoming me and supporting me. I'm glad to have found this site. I hope that I can also be a support to you too. It's all very confusing and sobriety is wonderful but it's scary too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Hi!
I know from experience that being depressed is not caused by your sobriety. Antidepressants sometimes take a while to work - and they don't work at all if you drink. Not allowed to give medical advice here so I'll leave it at that, and hope I haven't broken any rules.
You've done so well quitting drinking. You know that if you drink, all of your problems come back again. That's a fact.
If you're sober, you're free! You get to decide how your life goes from now on. If you need to leave that unhappy marriage, then you will be well-equipped to do so, sober.
The longer you stay sober, the better you will feel
I know from experience that being depressed is not caused by your sobriety. Antidepressants sometimes take a while to work - and they don't work at all if you drink. Not allowed to give medical advice here so I'll leave it at that, and hope I haven't broken any rules.
You've done so well quitting drinking. You know that if you drink, all of your problems come back again. That's a fact.
If you're sober, you're free! You get to decide how your life goes from now on. If you need to leave that unhappy marriage, then you will be well-equipped to do so, sober.
The longer you stay sober, the better you will feel
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4
Yes. You maybe right. It's like the chicken and the egg. Which came first the depression or the alcohol. It's so hard. I like the thoughts of being in control for once and more clear headed I've used alcohol for a l long time for every emotion. its hard to let that go. I just want to be happy. Thanks for the encouraging words.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, Tab72. I'm on day 126 myself and I promise you this does get easier with time. Don't quit trying just before the miracle happens!
I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of September 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of September 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Hi Tab, and welcome! You will find much support and encouragement on this site. Your story sounds similar to mine. I was in a very verbally abusive relationship for almost 9 years. We both developed from social drinkers to full-blown alcoholics together and nightly plunges into near-oblivion were common. I was also high-functioning and hid it from most everyone. Anxiety and depression were already familiar to me, so my crying spells were more days than not. No matter what meds I was trying, nothing helped, mostly due to my self-medication with vodka. The relationship rollercoaster eventually became unbearable. He didn't want me to stop drinking either, so I had to choose. Do I leave and take care of myself and my kids or stay and drink myself to death? I chose life and so glad I did. I got sober right after my separation 3 years ago and it lasted a year. My life dramatically improved. I found meds that worked and stopped crying. I started to feel hopeful. I have found the love of my life and we are getting married next week. The only reason I started drinking again was I simply thought I could be a social drinker again since it wasn't a lifelong battle for me. WRONG. An alcoholic can't ever go back, at least I've never heard of a success story. I highly recommend you go back to your doctor and explain your sobriety and ask if there is another med that you can try for your depression. IMHO, I would also suggest talking to your AH and see where he stands with supporting you and going to couples counseling if you want to save your marriage. If he's resistant, you need to weigh your options. I chose life. And I haven't looked back. Good luck, hon.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
