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Upwards sobriety thread

Old 09-05-2015, 02:33 PM
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Upwards sobriety thread

Approaching 7 weeks on Monday.

I've been meaning to start a sobriety thread for personal accountability and to reference in the future, as I've seen many others do here. Seems like a good time to get on that as I have now been sober a couple of weeks longer than any attempt I have made in the past.

I keep picturing that cave in Indiana Jones, where as he delves past deadly obstacles it becomes evident that others have not made it so far. Each time further progress is made, new unimaginable challenges await.
I have found ways to avoid the pitfalls that got me in the past, but I know I must be cultivating a new level of awareness and bravery to stay ahead of the next AV booby trap.

I'm emotionally quite low right now; and even a biological source (pms) turns my thinking negative. Most of the negativity is centered around my work, which is alternately satisfying and very frustrating. I feel it's time for a change but I have no idea where to go with this vague ambition. I'm beating myself up for not doing more with myself.

I could go on, but I'm just marking the context in which I'm attending my first AA meeting with a new group tonight. (I did two meetings in two days a few years ago, I went home and drank after both of them.) I'm determined to stay sober for good now, which wasn't the case in the past.
I'm also determined to overcome some debilitating emotional and psychological hang ups that have me stagnating in my life. Tonight, this meeting will be my effort towards change.
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Old 09-05-2015, 02:41 PM
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Sounds like you came to a good place to get some much needed support. What is your current profession?

I know I needed a good plan when I decided I really wanted to quit for good, I also needed the support of family, friends and people on here. You can do it with the right focus.

Please don't get discouraged, we have all been where you are and there is a much better place you can be. It takes time so just realize it won't happen over night.
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Old 09-05-2015, 02:50 PM
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Thanks, SVA. I wouldn't have made it to this point, or even have come to accept I can and should quit for life, had I not found SR back in July. I love this place.
I don't feel the desire to drink so far, but I don't feel the desire for much of anything else either. I know I have to ride out a lot of ups and downs through this.
I work in a small independent bike shop. I'm the head mechanic and do a lot of customer service too. Working in the bike industry is a labor of love for most people, the pay ceiling is pretty low and it's kinda hard on the body.
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Old 09-05-2015, 03:35 PM
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7 weeks is fantastic!! You're doing great!!
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Old 09-05-2015, 04:59 PM
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Congrats on 7 weeks US.

You'll find the path gets less fraught as you go on - you're doing great

D
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Old 09-05-2015, 05:53 PM
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Welcome - glad you're here!!!
Well done on 7 weeks
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Old 09-05-2015, 08:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Upwardspiral View Post
Thanks, SVA. I wouldn't have made it to this point, or even have come to accept I can and should quit for life, had I not found SR back in July. I love this place.
I don't feel the desire to drink so far, but I don't feel the desire for much of anything else either. I know I have to ride out a lot of ups and downs through this.
I work in a small independent bike shop. I'm the head mechanic and do a lot of customer service too. Working in the bike industry is a labor of love for most people, the pay ceiling is pretty low and it's kinda hard on the body.
I understand the labor of love, I work in the fine arts also with a low pay ceiling. Keep it up and if you feel you need a change don't be afraid to go for it.
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Old 09-05-2015, 08:39 PM
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There is no quick fix to sobriety, it takes work and time. Meetings don't keep you sober more than one hour or so, it's by working those steps where we can change out entire perspective....

I wish you well on your sober journey!
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Old 09-05-2015, 11:50 PM
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Well done on 7 weeks - amazing!

Have you had any ideas about what you might like to do work wise?
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Old 09-06-2015, 03:07 AM
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Way to go UP. Congratulations. Thanks for being a july 15er. I hope you had a great meeting.
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Old 09-06-2015, 04:08 AM
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Congrats on 7 weeks bud
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Old 09-06-2015, 06:33 AM
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Thanks guys. Tooshabby, my head swims with various career paths all the time. I feel like I don't know myself at all. Can't even decide if I like working with others or not, if I want to keep working with my hands or give em a break. Last night I was researching forensic science, the day before it was horticulture and then addictions counseling. My biggest problem is just that I don't believe in myself. How on Earth is my fried 33 year old brain going to finish college if my fresh 20 year old brain couldn't deal with it? Excuses.

The meeting last night did go well. They were discussing the 9th step, which was great because I've been struggling to not be a jerk to people lately. I spoke up to introduce myself and nearly suffocated as I was speaking.
I busted out the big book afterwards and began reading about the steps. I've been peeking into this section of the book for years, but it's finally beginning to feel less alien. I'm getting over my hesitancy about "the God thing" thanks to all the various perspectives people have shared here.
I do have a lot of home work to do but I'm going to give it a chance. I want to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
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Old 09-06-2015, 06:53 AM
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I'm 33 too bud & I'm currently going through this I might be studying I might just be working your doing great tho
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Old 09-06-2015, 07:37 AM
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Thanks SW I guess it's a good sign that we see multiple options before us. Good luck deciding!
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Old 09-06-2015, 05:21 PM
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Okay, a few thoughts in response :-)

You can always keep working with your hands in your spare time for fun. You wouldn't have to eradicate it from your life entirely.

You might be surprised how a bit of maturity helps when returning to academic life. I started (again) when I was about your age. Did it part time for the most part, and just finished up last year in my late forties. True, my memory wasn't as flash as it was when I was younger, but I had the advantage of life experience, and a fresh appreciation of the pure thrill of learning. I loved it, and I had been really inattentive at secondary school. Don't wait to believe in yourself. Just do it anyway. I bet deep down when you really think about it, there is some occupation that stirs your spirit and excites you.
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Old 09-06-2015, 06:06 PM
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Thank you so much Tooshabby, those are just the sorts of words of encouragement I've been longing to hear!
I have encountered some incredibly pessimistic views on my ambitions from my "friends"...I've learned not to ask other people's opinions about how I should live my life
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Old 09-07-2015, 03:43 AM
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Old 09-07-2015, 03:48 AM
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I reckon, Wolfie :-)

Geez, who needs enemies when you've got friends to bring you down, eh?! I've always sensed a lot of quiet determination in your posts. I'd put money on ya :-)
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:28 AM
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The most frightening dream last night. I was certain it was real. An acquaintance pushed a tiny glass with an ounce of liquor and an ice cube across the table to me. Without thinking I lifted it and took a tiny sip. And then it hit me, I'd just done that. Dream me was thinking "wait, this isn't a dream. I really just drank. I have to tell everyone on SR, this is mortifying" I was crushed.
And then I woke up. Thank God!!!

Reading the big book today, thinking about this 3rd step. Trying to reconcile handing myself over to a higher power with an upbringing that has made me fiercely protective of myself. I grew up in a seventh day Adventist household and was always being reminded of sin, punishment, hell. Besides a lot of getting screamed at and hit. Standard southern upbringing.
I got scared into being "saved" at my friend's revival tabernacle church when I was 12 or 13. We watched a movie about the end times (at a freaking Christmas party) and then they asked if anyone present needed to be saved. Terrified by the mad max version of Christianity I'd just witnessed, I stepped forward. A bunch of strangers laid their hands on me and fervently prayed and spoke in tongues.
I still have the image of my brown Vans sneakers, which I stared at helplessly while this went on.
Afterward I slipped outside in the cold, unlit parking lot in front of this rural tabernacle and cried. I looked up at the stars and did not feel closer to God. I felt like I'd been raped.

I realize how selfish I am, how hesitant to get trapped in close relationships, to get snagged up trying to help a stranger, to get locked in to the wrong path. I feel life is a big trap lying open for me, and some how I associate "letting God" with having to hold myself to things I don't want to do. That I will never again be sure if I'm being selfish or fulfilling my purpose. So that's where I'm at, I guess.
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Old 09-07-2015, 03:48 PM
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Wow. What an amazing post.

I can relate, Upwards. I was brought up Catholic combined with much screaming and violence. Standard West Auckland upbringing :-) My heart ached reading about how you felt after that experience. And the image of you looking down at your Vans.....have you ever thought of writing as part of a career? Like journalism or something else? You seem to have a bit of a gift. I also got caught up as a young adult in a Mad Max version of Christianity - lol. (There are other versions though, if you still love Christ).

What I would say about your last paragraph, which makes perfect sense, is that from my own experience it has taken all my life to work on appreciating that 'God' expects nothing of us and loves us unconditionally. I think our religious backgrounds have conditioned us into that way of thinking. You are not selfish, only human, and as humans we have fears. It's just a part of it.
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